How do you find your style?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

When I was younger (and thinner) I had a really good sense of style - not just fashionable but what also suited my body shape and colouring.

Due to medical issues I gained an enormous amount of weight for about 8 years and totally lost all sense of style. I was unable to dress myself well, either fashionably or to suit my body. I'd see other people my size and think how good they looked and I just looked like a potato.

I've now found myself again, in terms of improved self esteem and health and I want to refind my style, but I don't know how. Things I like the look of don't suit my body and then I don't feel good in them as they don't look like I envisioned.

Any advice? I'm a pear shape, tall, size 14 on bottom and very, very pale.

Where are you looking?

You need to explore widely across all styles and price ranges. A tall, size 12/14 woman should look good in most things, but if you haven’t updated your hairstyle or make up (if you wear it,) or if your underwear is ill fitting, those things might interfere with the overall impression.

What is your lifestyle and what do you need to dress for?

I look in lots of places, rapanui, john Lewis, m&s, passenger, hush, boden, joules, Patagonia, but maybe I need to branch out? Any suggestions?

I've got funny hips - large and square with bad hip dips and a flat wide bum.

I recently upgraded my underwear and had a decent haircut (which I hate but everyone says really suits me and is modern).

I'm early 40s.

And lifestyle wise I'm pretty casual - work is casual and I rarely go out anywhere that requires dressing up. I have 2 primary age kids and a dog.

Uniglo do a good range of smart/casual clothing. Try Cos too.

What are your non negotiables for an outfit? Find those and build around that.
For example, my ankles are knackered and I cannot wear any type of heel any more, so all my outfits are based around a flat shoe, usually a trainer.
Comfort and wearability are a priority, I cannot be doing with pulling things down, hoicking things up, itchiness, being too hot or too cold.
I’ve got very broad shoulders and comparatively narrow hips so have to try and balance outfits otherwise I look like a carrot with a pea balanced on it.
Armed with this info I took to social media and found fashion-y accounts who’s style I like and tried to copy the outfits but with my non negotiables in mind.
Sometimes I shop the links the influencers use but often I search for myself, usually starting with asos, h&m, zara, new look. If I’m feeling fancy I’ll go look Sezane or Massimo Dutti. I wear quite a bit of Holland Cooper as they seem to do long legs and sleeves as standard, as do Mango.
Every so often I will get something higher end in the Net a Porter sale, or from the Outnet. As an aside the Net a Porter sale is often cheapest for trainers and sportswear, particularly items that have been ‘on trend’

That isn’t what I’d call a wide range of sources, @Ahfiddlesticks!

As @Ineedanewsofasuggests, you could start by regularly browsing

Net-a-Porter

so you get your eye to what’s current and fashionable and (if you like) ‘aspirational’. That way you know what to look for elsewhere.

I think most people nowadays, who are interested in clothes, try to find a few people to follow on instagram. It’s not really my thing but it’s impossible not to discover new sources there.

I subscribe to Vogue (online) after decades of buying the print magazine. Also the app that used to be called

Vogue Runway

but is now confusingly just titled Vogue (and now has to be paid for). Constant browsing of that will reassure you that there are fifty million ways to be stylish and fashionable - the great thing is to actually care about getting dressed.

I see this thread is over a week old, but having read your post op, it resonated with me a bit, not least because I too am tall, pale and slightly pear-shaped, 12 on top, 14 on the bottom.

I lost my way style-wise over the last decade, as these wear the years when I was either pregnant or breastfeeding, and carrying a few stone of baby weight. Having lost most of that recently, I've been really enjoying rediscovering what makes me feel good with clothes. For me, this has been revisiting what I used to love, which is quite alternative/Boho, albeit a more grown-up version. Being pear-shaped, separates work well on me. I suit maxi/midi skirts, or wide legged trousers with fitted t-shirts or jumpers tucked in. So more fitted on the top half, loose/flowy on the bottom. I layer quite a bit too. If I have a shirt or blouse I love, but the colour isn't overly flattering next to my pale skin, I'll wear a tank top or short-sleeved jumper over the top in a better colour for me. I love natural fabrics. I always wear jewellery, particularly dangly earrings. I love clothes, and enjoy playing around with them. I tend to buy everything vintage/second hand, but I do love a couple of shops, and have bought the occasional thing new from Free People, Damson Madder and Joanie, for example.

Anyway, a long and waffly way of suggesting that you could revisit what you used to love before you lost your way, but with a more modern/grown-up twist?