Pull on bras - plus size (but small boobs) elderly person - how easy to put on?

[BeaTwix]

I care for an older person (EPICF - elderly person I care for). Bras have become a massive issue/ focus and we keep circling back to them.

EPICF has a kyphosis due to osteoporosis so the band doesn't sit properly and I think they also struggle to do up fastenings at the back. There are carers on hand but pride/confusion/ stubbornness means they don't ask them for help.

I suspect a pull on type/ crop top bra might work better (and it's what the care home suggested) but my own experiences with this style aren't good.

However EPICF is a really different shape to me ( 34HH (Me) vs 44C) so I might just not have a clue.

I'm wary of pull on bras as I find getting a narrow band over my breasts really difficult (and I'm an allegedly fit late 40yo) but this might be due to my anatomy (the band is really small vs the volume of breast tissue). Anyone willing to share their experiences who doesn't have such a big band: cup ratio.

I previously bought some front fastening ones but they got rejected but I'm going to try again with them too.

I've also ordered some secret support vests.

Money not really a consideration but anything that isn't from M&S is regarded with deep suspicion....

44C is an unusual size, are they dress size 24/26 as that’s what you’d expect to need a 44 band?
Im a big fan of Molke bras as they offer proper support in a soft style, I would recommend stepping into them and pulling all the way up then adjusting, easier than getting over shoulders, unless hips are significantly wider than rib cage.

Love molke bras, I find them easy to put on, but I am only 44, so it might be worth ordering one to try on? They offer free returns I believe. I find them supportive and I used to wear a 44G

It's molke I find hard to wear myself.... comfy when on but getting on always invokes much much swearing. I bought one with the next band size up but it doesn't give as much support. But this is me and not EPICF.

And Yes. EPICF is a plus size apple.

How about magnetic front closing bras? Looks like Primark have some in their Adaptive range.

I always find pull on bras tricky to get on. What about something that fastens in front. Zips are maybe easier than traditional bra hooks.

https://www.cottontraders.com/products/2-pack-zip-front-comfort-bras/AJ10532004.html?src=SGL3&utm_source=GoogleShoppingUK&country=uk&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22633305599&gbraid=0AAAAAC808L7febhlucczcDqeux47bSa8Q&gclid=Cj0KCQjw9obIBhCAARIsAGHm1mSsBQsK1raXu_KCUCOdTv0teoyG0P-TDJDna7HPFSzNVM5Swe_ev6MaAkP6EALw_wcB

Front fastening. Try companies that appeal to the older age group: Damart, Cotton Traders and Chums perhaps.

Do they want to wear one?

I think supportive vests are a good option.

If she's got small boobs does she really need a bra? What about something like a camisole vest?

She is obsessed with wanting a bra.

Cognitively struggling and gets these massive illogical obsessions that persist (nothing useful sticks - like how to use WhatsApp, or take pictures of correspondence that has somehow ended up with her and not me).

Previously the obsession was having a cheque book (i removed hers as she was financially manipulated by someone in a position of trust). For the last four months it's been wearing a bra. I find it exhausting and outsiders (her close friends/ the care home staff) who don't see the full picture get judgey that I've not "just bought her a bra".

In actual fact I've expended loads of effort on this - I sorted out all the bras in her house by size and I took them to care home and helped her try them on. With my help doing up straps/ the boob adjustment jiggle (swoop and whatever) - she could wear them. And they looked oK to my eye.

But apparently they "don't fit". I've tried to suggest she has just got out of the habit of wearing a bra so it feels odd. I've tried to suggest alternatives to a bra but we just endless circle back again and again and again to needing a bra "that fits".

I've looked online for advice, I've ordered other styles to try to the care home - idea was for staff to help her try them on and return the ones that didn't fit. But they somehow didn't get tried on, got labelled with her name and have never been worn (still have the shop swing tags on) and EPICF has now declared that they "don't fit" so she won't even look at them again.

And of course because they have been labelled with her name they can't go back so that was £150 down the drain so I'm not doing that again. Oh, and they can't go to the charity shop because she "might need them". Along with all the other stuff in her hoarded three bedroom house I'm trying to clear to sell.

This time I'm buying them then taking them in myself. And I'll help/ supervise her trying them on but if she can't put them on unaided they can just go back as they won't be worn.

Quite frankly if I never heard the word bra from her or the care home ever again I would be quite happy.

Front fastening bras could be the way forward. And not necessarily the frumpy zip up type, manufacturers are finally getting the idea that not all women of fuller size want municipal bras!

They're expensive though. Can you try her with some off Temu or shein <shudder> to see how she gets on with the idea first?

I agree with front fastening. I only wear pull on bras (sports bras) and they can get rucked up and aren't easy to get on and off if you aren't very flexible. But I do have a front zip fastening bra which is much easier (although getting the zip lined up might not be the easiest thing for her).

What is her mobility like? If she has stiff shoulders and arms she won't be able to get in the right position to pull them over her head. The other option is to step into them and pull them up, which is actually easier assuming you have the dexterity to do it.

I know what you mean about not wanting to hear the word 'bra' again, I had a lengthy slipper drama with my mother/care home a few years ago. The numbers of pairs of slippers that went back and forth...

(I am willing to bet that whatever you buy will stay in the drawer.)

I am sorry to read your update.

From experience, after reading that, you won't find a bra. It is sensory, and nothing will ever be right

I have just started wearing Sloggi women’s Zero pull on bras.
Very soft but with foam like removable cups if preferred.
The material is soft but very stretchy and it’s easy to get on over the head.
They are incredible comfy and don’t dig in anywhere.

I am a 34FF but when I have worn bralettes (M&S) or soft bras which are very much like the Sloggi Zero Pull Ons, I step into them naked. My hips are 42" but they go over fine and slide into place and then I put my arms in. I wear the Sloggi equivalent as a sleep bra for comfort. Had them a while and they are not stretched out of shape band wise.

I agree you might be flogging a dead horse. Sometimes they just latch onto something to complain about because they like complaining.

This. Pull on always roll up at the back as I'm putting them on and I need to be quite flexible to get them untwisted.

Can you get her to explain how exactly they don't fit? Too tight/loose/not enough support/wrong cup size? That might give you some clues as to what would be more acceptable.

I think there’s more at play here than finding a bra that fits. It sounds like she’s recently moved into the care home. Does she have a diagnosis of dementia? You also mentioned hoarding. My grandma became obsessed with finding the perfect cardigan when she moved into her care home - every time anyone visited she’d go on about it. She must have had 20 bought over a few months because she pleaded with every visitor. We realised it was her way of ensuring visitors returned (with a cardigan) and she had some control.
I think the bras could be serving the same purpose here.

I'm a big fan of Glamorise front fastening bras. Since trying them about 6 months or so ago it's the only type I'll wear now. Initially tried due to a frozen shoulder but the stretch lace cup under wired style is a great fit for me and they're super comfy. Returns are free up to 90 days or something (just don't label them!) so they can be properly tried on.
I'm 'only' 45 and a 34D but they do a huge size range and some definite 'older' styles and non wired etc which may suit your EPICF.
Agree with checking her size again though if measuring is remotely an option.

I have osteoarthitis & i struggle to get on tbe pull on type on myself. I'm 59 , I suggest a decent front fastening one. I got some on yours clothiing , u can measure her & perhaps order a few to see how you get on. U can leave the cup mould part in or remove if they prefer . They are super comfotable

Ok. The mass bra try on has happened.

Pull on were a huge no-no.
front fastening really awkward too.

So we settled on an M&S bralette with a back fastening.

https://www.marksandspencer.com/flexifit-non-wired-bralette/p/clp60529420?intid=mobile_app_pdp_share

Think this might be an intro into starting to wear a bra again.

M&S also have three styles of non-wired bra - cotton rich, embroidered or lacy.
The cotton rich ones fitted by far the best except I’d ordered black which is a “harlot’s colour (!)” so I’m trying to return for a any of the other options!!