DD 16 starting sixth form and struggling with what to wear

[OmegaAlpha]

My DD is a 34H bra size, and is struggling with what to wear for sixth form. Outside of school she shows her cleavage (impossible not to really, without wearing mumsy sack-type clothing), but says she can't wear the same in school without being sanctioned. She was upset this evening, saying she can't wear the strappy tank top styles that all her peers do, and doesn't know what to wear so would be grateful for any suggestions.

Her style is generally quite vintagey, she likes short denim miniskirts, cami-tops, with baggy cardigans, tights and Mary Jane DMs. She's not tall, about 5ft 3ins, size 10/12 waist/hips, with slim legs. Long hair that she brushes down to hide her top half as much as possible, sadly. I feel bad for her, it is really hard to find tops that she likes, and she struggles with backache too.

Perhaps some basic long sleeve tops with a lot of stretch with the denim mini skirt and docs? Baby tees are also a shout because they have high necklines but come in at the waist? Also it makes sense if she’s not comfortable in certain things but she shouldn’t be sanctioned if she’s wearing the same clothes as her peers and only she’s getting sanctioned just for having larger breasts. That’s really wrong.

Thanks yes those are good suggestions. She wouldn’t get sanctioned for wearing the same things necessarily, it’s just that if she was to wear those clothes she’d reveal too much cleavage/boob so would be deemed inappropriate. This is what she tells me but I imagine she’d also feel self-conscious in a way she doesn’t so much outside of school. I’ll see if I can find some long-sleeve tops that she would like. She likes Urban Outfitters, Hollister etc but the latter in particular are really skimpy in fabric - not enough coverage even in the large sizes. Any brand suggestions that aren’t too mumsy?

Sounds similar to my DD. She quite likes strapless tube style tops with a cardigan over. She wears normal bras as the straps are covered by the cardi.

Maybe she'd think it too mumsy but I find Tu clothes to be well cut and generous in the boob department and actually quite stylish. I have a couple of long sleeve stretchy t shirts from there like suggested up thread. I think she could find a few basics there to work on top and mix with the more trendy brands to make sure she looks more 16, less 46.

ASOS have some basics in a fuller bust fit, I buy their t shirts for work.

Thanks everyone - after your suggestions I went on hollister last night and found a stretchy baby t and a long sleeve tie back baby doll top that a girl with similar size bust had reviewed as saying ‘it slays’ 😂 so grabbed that and a couple of pointelle vest camis from John Lewis to layer underneath which she seems happy about. It wasn’t cheap though so will definitely try the Tu and ASOS options. She hates anything that’s defined by ‘larger bust’ though. She cried when I suggested a Curvy Kate bikini a couple of years ago (she just wanted a skimpy triangle number like her friends) 😢 but she’s a bit more realistic these days

H&M do some ribbed t shirts with a slightly scooped neck that is still decent. I tend to buy them in a small so that they come in properly under my similarly sized bust to define the waist. They are also good under a v neck jumper or t shirt as the V neck slims the bust whilst the t shirt provides coverage. H&M are also usually a good source of slightly boho styled peasant tops which look good over a cami with a denim mini (one of my DDs likes this style).

Long time since involved with teens but would a chat about separate sets of clothes be relevant; Work Clothes, Professional outfits, casual wear. Those of us older where we were in an office fulltime managed those differences.
I know times have changed and fewer barriers now. (Just saying)

What are the uniform rules?

Much as I hater the name 'modesty panels' might help.

Primark usually have good, cheap, cotton stretchy singlet tops, short sleeve and long sleeve plain tops that are good for layering underneath other tops. Superdry have nice singlet and vest style tops to put over the plain ones, in that noughties layering style (which seems to be back). They have a lot of preppy stuff at the moment that my daughter won’t wear but she likes their other things. She’s also a large cup size. Something like that should get your daughter through the warmer autumn weather. My daughter is wearing those under the slash tops at the moment. She also has some off-one-shoulder, light weight cotton tops from Superdry. She looks at urban outfitters as well, particularly for their baby tees.

Uniqlo off Vinted? Their quality is good.

Yeah I think that’s what she (and I) are realising - that she needs some more sixth form appropriate clothes that are still trendy (her friends are still wearing the same weekend style gear but her situation is different and we have to adjust).

Some great suggestions thanks. I’ve mentioned layering vest tops in the past and she’s always turned her nose up as she just wanted girlie cami baby doll type things without a vest showing but maybe she’ll consider it now

No uniform as sixth form but it has to be ‘appropriate’ and not ‘revealing’

Will look - thanks

Sorry not what you asked, but if she’s 5”3 and the rest of her is a 10/12, a 34 band bra probably isn’t right (more likely a 30 or 32 which will alter the cup size too) It might be worth getting her fitted in Bravissimo as a really well fitting bra will help how her clothes look all over.

Agree with this - my daughter is 5ft3 size 8/10 was wearing 34ff got measured at bravissimo and was a 30HH
correct fitting bras makes her clothes fit better - she gets lots of her tops from primark. She has loads of their stretchy bodysuits

Why are you choosing her clothes, does she ask you to?

No I don’t choose her clothes but after she told me she was struggling a bit I thought I’d try and get involved. I always fail if I choose her clothes as our style is very different 😂. She was really happy for a change when I showed her the Hollister stuff but even then she said it was too expensive and I shouldn’t buy it as she buys mostly on Vinted. I v v rarely buy her clothes tbh. The bikini was a couple of years ago and I was trying to pre-empt the usual swimwear nightmare. Failed there too of course!

Dresses with belts - can be funky or vintage. Necks can be high and waist can be cinched.

Thanks - yes we have been twice to Bravissimo, most recently to get her a strapless bra for prom which I was dreading but it was a lovely experience. Yes she is a 32H by their measurements, she’s put on a bit of weight so have been erring on slightly larger side but will do as an OP upthread said and go for smaller sizes as it is so much better to define the waist. Thanks for all the help and advice it is appreciated. I’ve always left her to it but this is a new situation for us - having to find ‘appropriate’ daily wear - she’s always been in uniform in the week and more relaxed at the weekend.

I am a 32HH and M&S do a ribbed vest top which actually fits me without showing my bra, unlike all others. Comes in many colours.
Maybe also look at 90s style high necked racerback vest tops, no cleavage there. Bravissimo have a bra the Alexa which works well for these.
I can also wear normal T-shirts if I choose ones which are more shaped at the waist, or stretchy, so those should be straightforward.
As a teen I wished I could wear handkerchief tops and the like but have never had that option, such is life! But there should be plenty she can wear.

Just to give you an idea - tonight I'm wearing something like this over a vest top - with a denim skirt - works well and isn't too busty but should fit with the rest of her wardrobe.https://www.newlook.com/uk/womens/clothing/tops/black-crinkle-texture-button-detail-tea-blouse/p/933686501

I'd start saving for a breast reduction tbh, especially since she's already getting back ache. I've had back problems my whole life which started at age 18 due to having large boobs. It's a really serious thing. ( you may be able to get one in the NHS but I wouldn't count on it )