Help - new body shape post-cancer and I don't know where to start

[NotTodayDear]

I have had a hell of a year with health issues including breast cancer which has meant one boob going from an F cup to a C with another operation to even things up due in October. I've also lost a load of weight and now weigh just under 10 stone instead of 13, which is obviously better for me.

My whole shape has changed and I don't really recognise myself any more. I really like some things about my new body but there are other things I don't feel comfortable with post-surgery.

I know that once I've had my next op I will need to basically get a whole new wardrobe and I just don't know where to start with finding out what will suit me. I get fatigued very easily from the ongoing treatment so I don't feel up to a marathon trying-on session which would also mean a visit to the nearest city around an hour away.

I've not bought any new clothes this year as I've not been able to face it but I know I look dreadful and swamped by my old clothes that don't fit. I just feel like I don't even know what colours let alone styles to go for, I feel so alienated from fun things like fashion and if I could get away with not buying more stuff I would!

Not sure what I am asking for really, maybe just some encouragement or ideas on how to find my way forward with this.

Well, firstly congratulations on getting to this point with some optimism still intact.

You don’t have to travel anywhere as everything can come to you. I suppose the first question might be what sort of new clothes you need. Very soft loungewear for recuperating at home? Sundresses for enjoying the rest of the summer? Can you go out at all, or are friends able to visit you?

Do you want people on instagram to follow? Or website suggestions for the type of clothes you’ll need?

Do you have a tape measure? Obviously things are in flux, but if it won’t depress you too much it would be very helpful for you to know your current measurements so you can shop online.

Just take your time; a new wardrobe can always be an adventure.

Definitely not the marathon trying on session - that's exhausting even when you're well!

What about researching online styles that you like the look of, and ordering a few items at a time to try on at home? Or having someone go collect them for you from a nearby store?

Is your old style not adaptable in any way to your new shape? Smaller sizes, sure, but similar styling?

Don't worry about 'fashion' - just have a look around and start getting a feel for what you like, maybe on other women, or what you see online or in magazines. If you feel swamped by your old clothes, just buy something simple in a smaller size to begin with.

Sounds like you've been through a lot - be kind to yourself!

Hiya. Sorry you’re now in the post breast cancer club. I had a smx in 2019. If you feel up to looking on social media there are several flat groups on Facebook that may have some suggestions?

I think you’ve said that you’d had a lupectomy is that correct? If you haven’t heard of knitted knockers they’d probably be worth having a look at as they’d be able to supply you with a prothesis to help when you out.

Then I think may just a good mooch round the shops and see what you fancy!

Thanks everyone for replying and for your kindness. I re-read my post and even I can't tell what I am asking for from it!

@ANagsHead I do go out when I can - I can't drive currently but hopefully that will change next month. So I feel limited by that, and also just by fatigue and if I am honest a bit of anxiety around being out, particularly by myself. I'm working from home at the mo but they're expecting me back next month which is a bit daunting.

I am a bit self-conscious about how I look at the moment but hopefully that will change after the op. I did get a knitted knocker thank you @ranoutofquinoaandprosecco but I don't wear it often as I worry about it slipping and moving around. Bras are a whole other topic and I just have crop tops at the mo as I absolutely can't face going and getting measured and trying things on. It's not a nice club to be in is it?

@PunishmentRoundupWithJoon my old style, if you can call it that, was very much stuck in a rut and it was mainly jeans with a jumper (usually blue) or T shirt and trainers. Really boring and didn't do anything for me but I hadn't really got any impetus to change. I think I would like to move away from that just a little bit and I am trying to see this as an opportunity to look better and make myself feel better. It's just how to get there that I am struggling with.

I think I just need to look at some websites and maybe order some stuff to try on but it just feels overwhelming really and I'm worried about looking daft.

When you’re ready M&S and Asda do ok bras which have pockets for your prosthesis, or I think you’ll find people don’t notice. I only wear one when I can be bothered!
If you feel comfortable in jeans and a tshirt, why don’t you just order yourself some nicer jeans or maybe wide legged or carrot shaped, something different and then a smarter top? My lot laugh at me as once you get your style as such you’ll just end up shopping there all the time! Currently I love Oliver Bonas, Scamp & Dude, Sweaty Betty with a mix of Primary and then Liberty print adidas trainers!

Congratulations on getting through this period and coming out the other side! I would say don't rush yourself. If you don't feel up to a city visit, maybe try online. You can then try things on at home, when you're in the mood and at your own pace. I'd say try some of the supermarkets first, you can try a whole range of styles and colours at cheaper prices, including things you wouldn't normally try. If you get too tired to send the bad things back, you're not massively out of pocket as the things are cheap anyway (I know not ideal but you can sell them on vinted later next year). Once you've found and tried a few styles and figured out what works, you can always upgrade them for nicer shops with higher quality fabrics like M and S, John lewis, hush, phase eight.
As a bit of help, the shapes now are wider, wide leg trousers and jeans, less tucking in.
You could try following a few influencers/fashion pages on Instagram or Facebook (I like Jenny mogey but she is quite young, there's also one called capsule wardrobe who is in her 40s and plenty of people who are more mature and they just show off their outfits of the day). You'd be able to watch them in bed and get a feel for what looks nice. Or buy yourself a magazine like In Style and have a browse from the sofa. Go steady and gentley, it doesn't have to be perfect right away and try and enjoy it/don't let it stress you out.

Be kind to yourself first and foremost. Change your style, i.e. more glam to feel better about yourself, even if it's earrings, rings, a bracelet, maybe some new perfume etc. Start slowly to find the new you. It's hard at first but it become more normal and part of who you are. Wishing you all the best.

OP. Sorry you're having to deal with this. Breast cancer is shit but there is life beyond it, one that you will enjoy.

Am another in the breast cancer club going from a 28F to flatter than flat - I had a double mastectomy, albeit one side at a time, with 13 months between surgeries. I absolutely love my new shape. I embraced in fact because the person who existed pre-cancer isn't who emerged by the end of treatment. With this in mind, my biggest takeaway is that I was given an opportunity to make myself over. I more or less wore my pre-cancer clothes when I was undergoing treatment (along with the revolting soft bras I was given). I did not bother with wigs nor did I wear a headscarf all too much. I also did not wear a prosthetic. I just wouldn't be bothered. When I was up to it, I spent time looking online both multi e-tailers like Net-a-Porter and IG for ideas as to what I liked. I created Pinterest boards and sold off the bulk of my pre-cancer wardrobe via Vinted. With the money I made, I started to try different things. If something did not work, I sold it on. Am now two years since my diagnosis and have built up a really great wardrobe. It can be done. Just take you time and look. Don't be in a hurry to buy stuff for the sake of it. It's worth talking to both Maggie's and Macmillan as they are workshops and shoppers who can help you. I was fortunate inasmuch as I used to be a personal shopper so did not need help, but understand that for many, a whole new wardrobe is an overwhelming thing to put together.

So, take your time, this isn't a rush for you. Look for a couple of outfits to wear in the short term and spend the rest of your time planning and thinking about what you want. Wardrobes rarely work well when they're rushed and bought all at once. Time is on your side.

Lastly, with regards to lingerie and bras. Again, this is something Macmillan and Maggie's will help with. Your hospital will work with someone who specialises in fitting women like you with bras. Additionally, small independent lingerie shops will also be good for this too. Breast Cancer Now will be able to help with names too.

Wishing you all the best 💕

Have you done a "Look Good Feel Better" workshop? I did an online course but there are in person ones. I did a face/make-up session, learnt lots of handy tips and they sent me a lovely bag of goodies. They also do a styling course. X

Best wishes for your continuing recovery. I would definitely shop online and I would try to avoid being overwhelmed by choice in a couple of ways. First, by concentrating on just a handful of websites that you find easy to use - I like J0hn Lew1s because of all the filtering options (plus it's convenient to be able to click and collect and return to Waitrose supermarkets) and I also look for sites with good photos of the clothes where the models' poses actually show how the clothes hang and fit. In the case of trousers I think it's almost essential to have a photo of them lying a flat so that you can see the shape and the the waist-crotch length properly (you quickly get used to how this translates into what the trousers will look like on).

Second, focus on just a few additions to your wardrobe to start with. I'm a minimal shopper and I think in terms of functional gaps in my wardrobe and look for specific items to fill them. Almost everything I buy is versatile. If you're a casual dresser you could look for a couple of new pairs of trousers (one for the coolest summer days and one for hotter weather) in different styles and possibly different lengths. Then add a couple of tops in new styles: start by looking at the shapes and decide which you'd like to try, then think about colours and/or prints/embroidery etc. After that you could add a jumper/ cardigan/ hoodie/ sweatshirt that will work as an extra layer with several summer outfits. Build from there, gradually adding clothes to fill gaps in the weather conditions or occasions that your wardrobe can cope with.

Getting sizes right can be a bit of a nightmare, but size guides are a good starting point, IME they’re accurate more often than not.

Have confidence in your own judgement as you work out what suits you and feels right now - I personally wouldn't consult anyone else during the choosing process.

I'm not sure how much help I can be but I didn't want to scroll past as I've had a big health shock myself this year. I haven't got any body changes to contend with plus I've found thinking about clothes a really enjoyable diversion from it all. (See what I meant about not being much help!) But I totally get the fatigue. Even for me, who loves this stuff, the thought of going round shops and getting undressed to try things on makes me want to go and lie down.

So first advice - apart from bras, stick to internet shopping. Honestly I've moaned about it for years but I've finally learned to appreciate it.

Second, having no clothes that fit you is demoralising and it's important to keep up morale, so I'd prioritise a couple of outfits that fit properly, even if it's your usual jeans, jumper and T shirt.

The change of style is something I'd take slowly. There's no need to rush. I don't suppose there's much point in someone like me saying it can be fun, but what I will say is that having had a brush with mortality and not liking it one bit, I have even less time than ever for anyone telling me I'm too short or too large in the thigh (and heaven help too old) to wear something. I now only choose clothes that I'm drawn to, like it or lump it.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank you all so much for your kindness and understanding - I felt a bit silly posting this but your replies have, every single one, really helped me feel a bit better and also to take some of the pressure off myself with this.

The advice about help from charities and workshops is great and I will definitely look into these.

I am going to keep returning to this thread to read the advice and actually do it! You've really helped me to start prioritising stuff and to think about how I can actually tackle choosing my new clothes instead of just flailing about going "I can't do it".

Thank you again everyone.