How would you approach this dress code?

[AelinAG]

Been invited to a friends wedding, the dress code is formal, black tie optional. We’ve got to be there at 11.30, so the black tie has thrown me as that’s an evening dress code. I asked the bride and she said oh you always look nice, which wasn’t much help.

Would you do a full length gown type dress for this dress code?

Bride went to private school and a lot of her friends are very posh, so I don’t want to look like a poor relation. Would normally match my level of formal with my best friend but she will be 36 weeks pregnant at the wedding so is going for the dress code ‘whatever fits me’ which is fair enough!

I would think they did not understand dress codes and are therefore not in fact posh.

Surely you just need a wedding guest dress. I wouldn’t have said you have to have a full length dress

Could be a long, uncomfortable day OP. I’d be tempted to wear a tux!

Is the groom in black tie or a morning suit? If black tie so like a dj..I'd assume they are American or more 'new money posh'?

I agree.

Full length gown definitely not necessary, just a knee length cocktail dress. Only time full length gown necessary would be for White Tie events which are very rare these days.

Unusual dress code for a brit, I’ve only ever had ‘black tie optional’ for American weddings. IME it seems to translate to if you’re very close to the B&G (wedding party or immediate family) then you go black tie, everyone else does lounge suits (men) or cocktail attire (women) except there will always be a weird random relative, usually someone like the bride’s cousin’s husband that doesn’t want to be there and shows up in a trucker cap and jeans. I don’t think you could go wrong with a nice cocktail dress personally!

Hes definitely not posh and she’s probably what you’d say middle class, but had a bursary place at a private day school so seems posher than she is? Although I know it’s all relative.

I’m glad it is a funny take on a dress code and the heat hasn’t just melted my brain.

the suggestion of a tux for the verrrry long wedding day does sound tempting!

I’ve been looking for a dress to wear to DS1’s wedding next month and there are lots of floaty maxi dresses around, if that’s your style.

He’s in a morning suit! So confused me even further

People seem to say ‘black tie optional’ when their preference is for their guests to wear black tie, but they know they have some who will refuse to come if they have to do so, so it gives them an option not to.

I’d go very formal; long but not floor length. There are plenty of midi and maxi dresses around that are smart without being OTT.

Look at places such as Hobbs or Phase Eight maybe?

I think a smarter wedding guest dress will be fine OP

I'd wear something like this

https://www.monsoon.co.uk/sleeveless-tie-side-column-midi-dress-red-10012440006.html

Accessories and shoes/ bag would make it smarter .

That’s a very confusing dress code! I’d ignore the “black tie” bit and base your outfit around “formal”. Do you have a male partner who is going? If he wears a suit that would pair with formal rather than him going for black tie and you going for something else!

Not sure there’s any way that Monsoon t shirt dress could ever be described as ‘formal’.

It’s a meaningless dress code (don’t want to say embarrassingly so, as that would be mean) but I’d lean towards the more extravagant end of formal wedding attire - just out of courtesy.

I'd wear a nice maxi dress

Or they understand that their friends have different budgets so don't want people to be forced to hire a suit they don't have

Was just going to say that.

No, I'd go with embarrassingly so. My husband would be in an utter flap over which suit to wear- and much as he loves getting into his dinner suit he'd be puzzled by black tie at 11.30 a.m.

Then they should have said "formal wear, suits optional' or "formal wear, morning suits optional"

How confusing! I would completely ignore the black tie bit: black tie should be for evening wear only, and also it starts you thinking about cocktail dresses/long evening wear, Which I think would be inappropriate for a day wedding.

I would be avoiding anything floaty/maxi dress style: I don’t think this would be formal enough. I think something very smart, no bare arms – but obviously you could have a sleeveless dress with a little jacket over the top – and a hat.

Smiling at this. DH would be in a flap that he would have to wear a suit in the first place. Due to illness the one suit he owns is too big for him. He never wears a suit as he has no need for one, except for funerals.

No plus one unfortunately, just an aforementioned very pregnant best friend.

I’m going to go with a quite fancy cocktail dress I’ve got from Alexander McQueen. It’s not black tie appropriate but it’s absolutely beautiful so that with a nice head band is my best offer for that challenge of a dress code I think. I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds it a bit baffling, I really thought I’d lost the plot when I was struggling to understand it. Kept asking myself ‘surely she doesn’t want us in full black tie mid morning?’

I think she doesn't understand that formal daywear is morning suit and formal evening wear is black tie or white tie.