Help me rebuild my wardrobe after losing weight

[AnamCaillte]

I’m in my mid fourties, perimenopausal, coming out of the busy years with young kids and realise I’ve got no idea what I like to wear. I’ve lost 20kg (would ideally like to drop 10kg more, but happy if that’s really slow or if I stay as I am. I’ve had some terrible health problems in my thirties (hence weight gain) but I’m fit strong and healthy now. I’m having difficulties at work (senior, public facing healthcare role) and feel being confident in my clothing would help there. I have lots of too big black clothes and a smaller number of purchases which fit me better but don’t feel like me either.

To summarise- I’ve spent most of my life being told I was overweight, believing I was overweight and actually being overweight. My mother loves clothes but has always been entirely focused on what is flattering (ie makes me look slimmer) but I don’t want that to be my focus anymore.

i think part of the problem is that while I admire many other people’s style it doesn’t really work on me. I can’t figure out how much of that is due to being conditioned to want to look slimmer though! For example I really love the look of Margaret Howell/The Row/Essenteil Antwerp/Studio Nicholson. I have the money to slowly build up a wardrobe of investment pieces. But when I try on these beautiful oversized structured pieces I look like a short fat child playing dress up.

I know my body shape (very hourglass shaped, 40-28-41, but I have a mum tum) and I know my colours (cool winter). I am on the short end of average 5ft 4 but very very curvy so look shorter. However dressing for this shape means wearing a lot of fitted, formal and bright clothing which doesn’t really fit with my personality or my lifestyle. I’m fairly quiet, like to get on with things and not be the centre of attention.

Basically I’m lost. I want to find a love for clothes and fashion. I don’t necessarily want to be hamstrung by body shape or colours but I do want to look and more importantly feel comfortable. I’ve considered investing in a personal stylist but I don’t want to just adopt their style and looking at instagram many do have a very particular look. Getting to shops is difficult due to busy home and work life, but I can take some occasional days to focus on it.

apologies for the essay- in summary how do I learn to build a wardrobe that brings me joy and suits my lifestyle going forward?

You know, I don’t think you need advice on where to find clothes - you clearly already have that knowledge. It seems what you need is:

1. A new relationship with both your perception of yourself and the sort of clothes you already love.

2. A good alterations service.

A well fitted v necked sweater (for instance) and a plain below knee length skirt that fits at the waist and the hips will not make you look like a child in adults’ clothes. So you buy the jumper, and take the skirt - bought to fit your hips, to your tailor / seamstress/ whatever they prefer to be called, and have it taken in at the waist. (This is worth your time, however busy you may be.)

The same with jackets and trousers (though the work will be more expensive.) This way, rather than feeling frustrated and lost, you get to celebrate the body you actually have, and wear clothes you like.

I’d go somewhere where you can try on lots of different styles and see what you like and what suits.

with a very hourglass figure you might struggle to find off the peg well fitting clothes so I’d find yourself a good tailor (or learn to sew!)

My immediate thought is that you can't rush this and personally I don't see the point of trying. Some of us (ok, me) spend most of our lives trying to figure out how to dress the way we want to and that it's the process, mistakes and all, that's the fun part. So I would take your time and just enjoy trying things with your new body - and congratulations.

I also agree that you'll probably need to find someone who does alterations if you don't sew yourself.

On body shape, there's a poster (I think it's @Divebar2021 but apologies if it's not!) who, to my mind, explains very well the idea that the priority is to identify an overall aesthetic and that your shape - if you want to factor it in at all - comes second.

One more thought for now: I only know The Row and Essential Antwerp from photos but I have several Margaret Howell things and I'd describe them as pared back and relaxed but not particularly oversized. Now it's quite possible that her stuff has become more oversized of late because that's the fashion, but it might be worth looking out for things from, let's say before the pandemic when the trend was less pronounced.

I’d say if anything MH clothes are more fitted than ever. Particularly the MHL range, where (presumably for reasons of economy) the clothes are much less voluminous. I honestly hate to think of the OP not buying one of their beautiful jumpers because of a vague (maybe pre-weight loss) impression of oversized-ness. Studio. Nicholson seems to have gone in the opposite direction post lockdown. Shirts and dresses are on a huge, unstructured scale which I agree wouldn’t be the most obvious here, though the tailoring might be fine, with tweaking.

@AnamCaillte I imagine you would look far better in this jumper:

https://www.margarethowell.co.uk/products/tapered-v-neck-alpaca-yak-powder-blue

than I ever could. I don’t know if your ‘aesthetic’ would lean towards the skirt it’s shown with, or one of the plainer ones, but it’s a great look for an hourglass figure, if everything fits.

NB I am only using MH as an example because the OP cites the brand. I am not implying that all of MN must immediately purchase something there …

Thanks so much for the lovely comments, I’m definitely not keen to rush bar have a few basics that fit me well at all times. I think part of my problem is I don’t look like any models and struggle to imagine myself in the clothes they wear. I’ve only been to MH shop once and found that while maybe not hugely oversized it seemed designed for a straighter and taller person than me, everything looked very bulky around my waist and I looked fairly shapeless. But it might be worth a trip to a stockist in a few months and really trying them again, with a view to perhaps tailoring where needed. That would be my problem in most clothes though. I suppose I need to learn how to honour my shape without going for the usual hourglass advice of “put a belt around your waist”. I have tried Essentiel clothes- beautiful designs but more polyester than I’d like for the price and definitely oversized.

I find Vinted a bit of a nightmare to negotiate but I suppose it might be worth my while looking there first to start with.

What about a personal shopper? John Lewis have the service and they were fab. No obligation to buy.

i went and the shopper completely got me. It was a huge confidence boost and they picked things that I’d never have picked off the hanger.

I did do that years ago and it wasn’t a great experience tbh. Pointed out my problem areas (arms, bust, tummy, hips, thighs and calves) when I was there with my small baby. Obviously was probably over sensitive and had a tactless shopper! I’ve thought about looking for an independent stylist but when I look at the websites/social media pages it seems to be mostly a similar body shape and colour analysis type thing.