Low level sadness/how to get out of a style rut

[Eesha]

Post a sad relationship breakup, I seem to have lost interest in myself. I'm going through the motions with the school run plus wfh but I hardly ever look in the mirror and just wear baggy clothes. I've let my leg hair grow and just wear clothes to cover me. No cream. No makeup. I barely brush my hair, and my roots are massive. It's like I feel invisible. My friend says I have some sort of a low level depression and is encouraging me to do stuff for myself. She's on WLI and is great at pampering herself.

I'm obese but I actually carry my weight in a balanced way but that also plays on my mind, like a sadness. I'm starting a calorie controlled diet to reduce this.

I used to look great when I was in my relationship as I was happy plus my ex adored how i look, but I have lost motivation. Any tips to get me out of this horrible rut.

That sounds perfect. I nibble the skin around my nails too so anything that tastes disgusting and puts me off would be great.

1 month post break up :Hair is better though demotivated to wash it unless an 'event

Facial was amazing : lots of blackheads removed and im glowing

Clothes smarter

Bought scales and am eating better/trying to bring down my sugar levels and take myself out of obesity levels. Approx 1kg down, 20 to go....

Had a knock back confidence wise as my children's dad has announced he's getting narried. Happy for him but made me feel depressed that none of my relationships post him have worked out including most recent ex who I was really invested in.

Forcing myself to get up each morning

That’s tough OP, I think we’ve all been there but doesn’t make it any easier. Looking after yourself will make you feel better but it’s hard to do sometimes isnt it. Have you got family/mates for a bit of support?

@MorningSunlight I'm really lucky in that i have loads of friends so always that cushion around me. I guess im sad because he showed me a side of life that id always dreamed of having, and then it was gone. I'm trying to pick myself up after that. I have become a bit obsessed with losing weight and my friend made a point that maybe I've replaced my sadness about him, with weight. I think she has a point.

Hey, I was reading this last night and I wanted to say I empathise. I had a relationship end last month, a short one to be fair, but the first after many years and it was exactly what you said - it was like I was shown something I could have but then it was taken away. I tried so so hard not to invest in it as well but I think for me, it just brought up many other things as well.
Anyway, the other thing I wanted to say was that I don’t know how you are with exercise, but I find going to the gym and for walks massively improves how I feel. I had to lose about 15kg a couple of years back and I did it mainly by going to the gym and a bit of calorie reduction, but not huge amounts. The gym gets you out and seeing people and for me, even if I feel dreadful, I know if I do that, I will feel better. (Edited to add - I just try and keep a routine which means that I don’t get obsessed, because it is quite easy especially when you start losing the kilos to want to speed it up but if you have a steady routine, it will happen).
I cannot comment much further because you have done the other thing I did a couple of weeks ago which is get a hair cut and colour. I am not buying new things as budget won’t allow at the moment, but I am having a clear out.
My final comment and sorry this is long, is about the only taking care of yourself in a relationship- this is about valuing yourself and I don’t do it either. It’s okay and necessary to invest in yourself. I am taking note of that point myself too now 😊
I wish you all the best.

@Talulahalula I don't have time for the gym but I walk heaps, say 15K steps a day, and you're right, it makes me feel great especially as I'm always talking to friends on my walk or listening to books and music. I'd like to do the gym but just have no time as a full time working, single parent.

I think of my ex less now but it's like im trying to block out the memories of great happiness rather than dealing with the sadness if you know what I mean. He wanted someone without children and that hurts because initially he was happy with my situation then decided later that he didn't, that he wanted someone with no ties. So its not like he cheated or anything, just that sadness when you want different things and you realise what you have, isn't enough.

Yes, also a full-time working single parent, so I hear you. It’s hard. My DC are older now, though, and your time does open up a bit more. I think I ploughed all my energies into work and DC and it was many years before I looked above the parapet. What you have got going for you is your friendship network and support which is really important not to lose, despite all the pressures.
I know what you mean. So mine, it was him who asked me out and I hadn’t even been thinking of dating, but I sort of knew him already and thought he was nice. He turned out to be lovely, but after a few months, he decided he was not sure what he wanted but at the same time, not closing it down completely. It messed with my head massively 😕. I don’t even know if it was great happiness, or just that he saw me, as me, which was the first time someone had for a long time. He didn’t meet my DC and I didn’t want him to. So it definitely feels like he rejected me 🤷🏻‍♀️ but all I can do is get on with things. I have appreciated reading your thread and the advice on it.

@Talulahalula the thread has been really helpful to me. I haven't reached the heights of doing body cream or conditioner but I am brushing my (coloured) hair now, eating much more mindfully to bring my sugar levels down, wearing a nice new stylish but cheap work wardrobe. I even put on a bit of lipstick on a random trip, so im going to try and do this daily on the school run rather than ignore myself. Nails are horrible but I'm going to have a go at these. Reading the style board regularly for ideas.

Im sorry about your situation with your ex. Its great he didnt meet your kids though so be thankful. And the gym must be really helping your mindset. My ex decided he didn't want to be with someone who had children, he wanted me full time to himself. He had met the children (2 years together). And then began to resent the idea of them. Definitely messed with my head too because it felt very much out of my control and nothing i then did was enough. They are allowed to change their minds but why come in and put a grenade into things? As you say, we (you and i) just have to crack on and pull ourselves together.

Hi all, I wanted to check in, its taken a couple of months but im slowly getting back to looking after myself. I've made more of an effort when out ie bit of makeup and perfume, and people have really noticed and commented. Also, actually brushing through my hair. Before it must have been a mad mess, sad because I do have good hair, but i bought a fab tangle teaser dupe brush from Aldi which works a dream. I also bought a brilliant red lipstick from Lisa Eldridge which brightens rather than my usual natural colours. I wear my nicer perfumes out rather than ones to use up. I buy clothes which make me pop rather than functional.

Weight is still an issue but im being kinder, and also not snacking. Its really slow.

I guess I wanted to post for others going through a hard time, baby steps. Im still sad about my breakup but it's less all consuming. There is a light at the end.

That’s a lovely update.

Well done op ..you should be very very proud of yourself.

@LunaTheCat @Settodonotdisturb thank you, im just trying to keep afloat really. When things are quiet, I find myself thinking about him. I don't want to descend into it all and feel sad. This whole thing is just faking it till I make it

Great to read your updates, keep going, you've got this!