Trainers for a funeral?

[Baconsarnie]

Can I get away with white trainers with a black dress at a funeral? Don’t really want to have to buy shoes that I’ll only wear once, but I will if it’s deemed disrespectful. Am not part of the immediate family, if that matters.

Two of my (adult) children wore trainers to my boyfriend's funeral recently. He wouldn't have given a shit, and I didn't think it was worth them buying shoes specially.

Why is wearing white so necessary?

Sounds fine, the funerals I have been to most just wear ordinary clothes unless they are the immediate family in the front row

Just wear the black boots or the Birkenstock style sandals. I don't think the problem is the trainers, just wearing something that stands out colour wise.

Depends entirely on the funeral. In the last few years I've been to ones with traditional formal attire, smart casual, through to the "most garishly colourful you could imagine" (the deceased exact words in her request!)

Primark have black ballet shoes for £3.

I'd never wear trainers to a funeral but then I also dislike the casualness people seem to have for weddings and funerals these days.

Any other time yes but not for a funeral I wouldn't

I think the issue for me is the contrast between choosing a black dress (conventional funeral attire) and then white trainers (complete opposite of conventional funeral attire).
If you think wearing a black dress is important for this particular funeral, I wouldn't wear white trainers.
If you were choosing to dress more casually for the funeral then a dress /trainers combination that went together would be better.

No

I think it's great to prioritise not buying throw away funeral fashion that could end up landfill out of a sense of "respect" or wishing to avoid embarrassing someone whose attention is wrongly on your shoes instead of the person whose died. Honestly, unless you're in one of the aspiring classes, just wear the things you have.

‘The white sole is because I don’t like all black trainers. I would wear ones with a white sole again though.’

But as you’ve already accepted earlier on the thread, sometimes it’s not about you.

Funerals are for the living, therefore this funeral is indeed about her. The dead are dead.

It's not about being in one of the 'aspiring classes', some people have traditional funerals where you have to be smart (and no trainers aren't smart). Church funerals are more traditional, for instance.

I've been to several where if you turned up in trainers, you'd stand out like a sore thumb. I've been to one where someone wore jeans and trainers, but most people still wore smart clothes(I wore a red dress and a dark blazer to that one still smart but less traditional).

It's about knowing the person who died and what they would think. I'd hope no one would turn up in trainers to mine mind you.

I wore white trainers to both my dad amd my mums funerals!

I didn't wear a black dress either, both days were lovely sunshine, dad 2023, i wore a cream dress with black swirly pattern and mum earlier this month, i wore a blue flowery dress .

I chose something that I thought my dad and mum would think I looked nice in.

Pretty much all the shoes you own already would be absolutely fine. Maybe not the orange trainers.

Are they black ankle boots you have? Why wouldn't you just wear them? I definitely wouldn't wear white trainers with a black dress, ever, but at a funeral that would be a definite no. You can get black shoes or trainers very cheaply at places like primark. Dd needed black trainers for a drama show and I picked some plain ones up for a fiver in peacocks.

It's about the principal mourners though in that case, and it doesn't sound like the OP is that.

Honestly, I can remember what anyone wore at my Dad's funeral, I was just happy they were there.

You think a principal mourner gives two shits what anyone else who’s turned up to their loved one’s funeral is wearing on their feet? I’ve been a “principal mourner” (never thought of myself as such at any funeral, though) on several occasions and I couldn’t tell you what anyone was wearing. I also have a feeling that at my mum’s I might have been wearing trainers myself.

Black boots would be better than trainers surely?

Why not wear your boots?

‘Funerals are for the living, therefore this funeral is indeed about her. The dead are dead.’

The living also include relatives and other friends/family of the deceased. If OP has started a thread on whether white trainers are acceptable, it follows she has a sense of empathy about what is OK at a funeral, and if people might be offended by her shoes.

Only she knows whether white soles are worth the risk of being ‘judged’ by the living but that also means: it’s not just about her.

Well I would probably notice yes, but that's because I always try to dress respectfully for funerals so someone not bothering to do this would jar.

Friskybivalves is right, it’s about not causing offence to the immediate family, while still being comfortable and looking nice. I don’t want to wear ankle boots because they’ll be too hot. A PP suggested not wearing a black dress, which is a v good idea. I still won’t wear trainers tho, promise, even if the immediate family don’t notice or care! Thanks all.