Help with DD thick frizzy hair (CGM not working)

[Lindtnotlint]

My 10yo DD has a tonne of wavy/frizzy hair. It is incredibly thick. (It’s similar to mine, but even thicker…). We are really struggling to make it look decent without investing hours and hours.

CGM seems appealing but really doesn’t work for two reasons

1. As soon as you apply gel or mousse her hair takes FOREVER to dry. Like it will still be wet after 12 hours or even overnight. It takes forever with a hairdryer/diffuser. For a while we left it wet overnight but she got bad dandruff because it just stayed wet.
2. It just knots and tangles up very quickly if not brushed. She regularly has a mat of hair, and the only solution other than a good go with a tangle teezer (which of course turns the whole thing back into a frizzy mess) or to wet again and wait forever to dry.

My current solution is to go heavy on the silicones, because it dries so much faster. It looks decent with a serum and a rough blow dry. Obv could do a more serious blow dry and straighten it more but she isn’t patient to sit for how long it would take (it takes 20 mins just to get it rough dry, and that’s with a T3 powerful dryer).

But it basically looks only part decent. It has to be tied back all the time. And she has a huge number of flyaways circling her head which can only be (temporarily) managed by a brush, which (ta dah) also adds bulk and puffiness and removes the semblance of waves/curls. She looks scarecrow like a couple of days after wash whatever I do.

my hair is similar and I have never really found a solution despite years of trying different products (CGM and every kind of serum etc). My best solution is silicones, dry naturally and then put up in a bun all the time. Hers is so much thicker that that doesn’t work (per above).

ideas? I feel like chopping it off (it is mid length down below shoulder but not super long. But EVERY girl at school has long hair and she might not want to be that different.

She is awesome and relaxed and basically sees crazy hair as part of who she is. Not at all vain. But I fear the trials we may face as she realises what others expect in the coming years!

Maybe a perm? I don’t have curly hair, but I do have thick wavy hair that just seems to wave against itself and look like a frizzy mess. It doesn’t seem to settle into any wave pattern at all. I ended up getting a perm just to give my hair some uniformity and predictably and it works really well.

I suppose there are different types of curly, frizzy hair but we put coconut oil on my granddaughter's and it just into an impossible mat that we ended up having to cut off

This is all really helpful thanks! It’s also helping me really clarify that a huge part of my issue is drying time. (It’s definitely not product build up - it’s always been like that and her hair didn’t touch product till this year. Her hair is in good condition - it’s beautiful thick and glossy just frizzy!)

The only way I can get her (or my!) hair to dry at a decent rate is to slather it in some silicone - which dramatically accelerates drying. The treatment in CGM style where you add mousse/gel just makes it stay wet literally for 24 hours. If it is plaited when wet I am honestly not sure it would EVER dry.

Even in a non gel world, I still struggle with how people “air dry” this kind of hair. If I wash it in the morning it is wet all day long. If I wash it in the evening it is still wet when she wakes up, and she gets dandruff. I have started using a hair dryer on her because of this (we used to dry overnight) which has at least fixed the dandruff! I hate having to hair dry it as it is wastes time and isn’t great for the hair. But there we are.

I hate hair. I sometimes think about cutting all of mine off and just wearing a turban just to avoid all the FAFF!

As the owner of a thick mop that can frizz wildly, I love heatless curls.

I wash my hair, blast it with a drier so the roots are dry and the length is 80-90% dry. Then brush through serum or mousse or oil and shape around a tube or fluffy socks (easier to sleep in).

When I wake up, my hair is smooth and shiny and bouncy. The next night I sleep with it up in a pineapple and it's good for another day.

It's like my hair needs something to shape it and then it's smooth and even brushable. Or a messy bun, if I can't to be bothered.

I also need a hairdresser that can cut curly hair so it's swingy and bouncy or it's just a giant triangle that's flat at the top and wide at the bottom

I cannot be arsed with curly girl. Takes forever and even when I get defined curls they never look as smooth or as shiny as tonged curls. If I want bouncy hair I do bendy rollers but they work best when my hair is above my shoulders

Sounds like my hair. My hair can take up to 2 days to dry if I just put it back and there is no consistency to the curl. Half drying and putting in a bun can work and give a nice wave once you get the knack.Proper blow dryer (by other people) work well for me, I just can't cope with it. I dry it, straighten it then straighten again in the morning! Alternatively Velcro rollers on semi dry hair can be good but appreciate she won't sit still for that.

Please DO NOT CUT HER HAIR!!!! This is all only my personal opinion as someone with frizzy hair for 30 odd years. Ive had it short, mid, long. Frizz needs weight to drag it down instead of up. Mid is probably best as long can sometimes looks scraggly! NEVER let anyone near her hair with a thinning scissors and NEVER let anyone give her layers!

I've tried a few methods but this is what has been working for me lately:

●Joico shampoo and conditioner (use brush or comb to brush through the conditioner)
●Leave in conditioner applied in the shower and scrunch
●Out of shower, use curly hair brush with ridges on the side to define the curls
●Scrunch and apply mousse (do these two steps in sections)
●Apply a light coating of gel over the hair
●Air dry

It seems like a lot of steps but it's the quickest routine I've found. Wash it in the morning to allow to dry before bed.

I use Aussie shampoo and conditioner, there's two for curly hair. The blue one is for drier hair, if it's frizzy it's dry and needs more moisture. Curly hair is notoriously dry.

I looked at the curly girl method and the amount of products people used amazed me. I use one (either mousse or cream) and my curls last all day. I wash my hair every day though as I must toss and turn like crazy at night, and I sweat in my sleep, so not washing isn't an option. I also only use product to make my curls a bit neater, my ringlets and curls still happen without products. Also use a Denman hairbrush (think it's the 9 row one).

My hair takes forever to dry too but I live with it as I don't and never have used a hairdryer on it.

This is brilliant advice.

I've spent years and ridiculous amount of money on different products DD hair which is similar to your DDs. CG was a pain.

Did the porosity test the other week and came up as low porosity. Swapped products round and it's made a world of different, hair is really
Silky. Have a look at abbey yung method. Porosity test was get a strand of hair and put in glass of water - if it sinks to bottom then it's low porosity, floats on top it's high porosity and floats round middle, medium porosity. Then look for products that work well with that.

I gave up with curly girl too. My curls have got tighter as my hair has got longer - the weight really helps as does having a hairdresser who really understands curly hair - she does all sorts and it just looks great! It is definitely not all one length as otherwise it looks like a pyramid!

I use Aussie moist shampoo and conditioner and then a mix of cantu leave in conditioner and curl cream. Mine stays damp over night which allows me to twist it into curls in the morning and then give it a quick blast with the diffuser if necessary. (I mainly use the blowers in the car though on the way to work!) It now stays in ringlets all day. I’ve got the cantu curl spray for days I don’t wash it.
I had lots of frizz as a child as no one understood what to do with it so I sympathise!

I use a diffuser and two drying techniques upside down (but if I had a mum to dry I'd be leaning back over a comfy armchair and get even better results). It's worth looking online for how to do this.

After a LOT of product first I hover diffuse the roots and mid lengths. Then when there's a cast, I pixie diffuse. All together I diffuse for about 30 to 40 minutes. This doesn't fully dry it at all but it leaves it presentable and functional with a hard cast. Really thick hair can get away with leaving the product on hard for a bit, 1980s style! I never fully diffuse dry it because it would take hours. I usually go to bed with it like this (the scalp is dry so no dandruff) and it dries and the cast breaks overnight.

I usually get at least three more days of decent waves if I : don't brush, use satin pillowcase, put hair in a protective ponytail up at the forehead overnight. So yes it's a faff but thick hair tends not to need washing often. For me the hair health and no longer fearing moisture makes it worth it.

I have thick, curly hair and had similar issues as a child.

Now, I wash with unscented heath and heather shampoo and conditioner weekly. Then spritz with water, add aloe vera and scrunch daily.

I sleep with a satin hair wrap which stops the tangled overnight. Something like this https://amzn.eu/d/eO20vLX

Only ever comb when wet...never use a brush. Always use a diffuser if blowdrying. Ideally with an ionizing hairdryer as it dries it quickly and doesn't make it as frizzy. Bin

Sometimes do a refresh mid weed if a little knotty, but don't use shampoo...just wash, comb and style.

Products I've found invaluable are the aloe vera https://amzn.eu/d/d8PlHOH

Denman comb https://amzn.eu/d/gDFcPHm

And water spray bottle https://amzn.eu/d/cAWevv9

If I put mine in French braids when wet it would still be damp/wet in some places 24 hours later. Good layers to reduce bulk help a lot. Leave in conditioner after washing. Leave in conditioner spray and finger comb to refresh between washes. A very light touch of boots curl cream. Don’t touch it when dry. Don’t brush it when dry. If it repels water (mine does) the amount of spray required to refresh it dries with no help in about half an hour.

School uniforms are horrendous for creating mats underneath at the back, I think it kind of backcombs on the collar, I avoid collars on things for this reason.

Flyaways - spray leave in conditioner and finger comb.

Anything shorter than about armpit is a pain. Not enough weight to help it behave. Silk pillowcase. Loose plait/plaits for sleeping in.

Air drying isn’t very practical on low porosity hair but if she is struggling with how long it takes to blow dry it focus on drying the roots enough so her scalp isn’t covered in wet hair.

I'd not use tons of product on a 10yo hair. She is old enough to have a say and take some responsibility for it. Would she have it very short? That's the easiest option. Otherwise plaits or braids. But if she likes it wild then let her do that, as long as it's clean does it matter.

It sounds to me like you (and her) are less bothered by the curls themselves than by the frizziness? I sympathise as have similar with DD although I think her hair is thick but, from what you're saying, not AS thick - certainly, she can leave her hair to dry naturally and it doesn't take forever. Also, DD is 10 and is now willing to put a bit more effort in, but realistically, at this age they don't want the effort and time. The tangles and KNOTS we dealt with? it was torture.

She doesn't wash it that often but does rinse and use the Aussi hair mask stuff. Then she usually uses some kind of serum or oil - currently I think she's got a l'oreal one she likes and then she spritzes with some moroccan hair oil anti frizz too.

Inevitably though, the frizz returns. I am working on getting her to the point where she does this more like twice a week vs her current once a week or even a bit less often, because even with reapplications of product, the frizz doesn't seem to disappear until it's been properly wet and properly conditioned and properly treated again. And I think also when her hair is dry, the products going on dont' seem to have the same effect and/or she uses them in the wrong amounts.

Ionising hairdryer is an excellent tip.

I thought a hairdryer was a hairdryer until ours broke and I bought a Parlux.

Total revelation.

OP, what type of pattern and texture does she have? Is it more of an S-shape wave like a type 2, or is it spiral curls (3), or is it very tight and coily (4)? All of these types can be frizzy, but different products/methods etc will work best on each.

DD has thick, long, curly hair. Thinning for her really does work.

She has a trim and some thinning 3 to 4 times a year. It's just enough to take some weight off so the curls form well and can dry naturally. She uses curl cream to get definition and avoids using the hairdryer. Drying can take a few hours so she times her washes for when she can leave it to dry naturally. 1 or 2 washes a week are fine. Any more and it would poof right up regardless.

Do you have a photo of your daughter's hair? All curls are different so seeing the type of curly hair might help.

Try plaiting it, maybe x4 plaits on each side of the head. Diffuse dry before or after plaiting. Like @nodogz my hair likes to be shaped around something, even itself in a plait. I also like silicones. I am not super overly keen on the word crazy as a descriptor for my hair growing naturally. I love seeing a halo of loose hair as a gentle frizzy cloud on one of my DC after a day at school, it means they had fun running around and it is so sweet.

I have similar sounding hair.

I found this website quite useful, and this article in particular might be good for you: https://curlmaven.ie/curly-hair-routine-for-teens/

I took her recommended products and tried some until I found ones that work for me in the way that I like. She does tend to give multiple product recommendations to cover budget friendly ones too which is handy.

She's more focussed on healthy hair rather than regimented rules like the CGM. So recommends using a sulphate shampoo, and diffusing your hair.

From experience, it's not good for your DD to sleep with wet hair, it breaks the hair, which then makes the frizz worse.

Photo. This is without blow dry or any product. (She has her mouth open it’s not usually such a long face). Hair is not very curly, more strongly wavy/slightly curly. Looks v curly if mousse etc but the curls don’t hold long.
Reading messages above I think maybe I am not too far off with my current system — diffuse and serum might be as elaborate as we can manage for now as it isn’t like she is going to sit through multiple complex sessions (as I say, she isn’t vain in that way- for context her fave clothes would be dungarees with paint on). Hair cut to thin but not shorten and silk pillowcase also feel v practical.

I also work hard not to convey messages to her that her hair isn’t nice just as it is - because I don’t think I have ever completely got over longing for my hair to “just be different” than it actually is and I don’t really want her to inherit that.

Ahh, her hair IS lovely! You’re very right. ☺️ It’s slightly different to mine, though (here), so our hair will likely fancy different products. But I do think using sulfate shampoos, a good deep conditioner and diffusing to dry is a good place to start. I do also still think as well that it’s best to start little and work up - anything too heavy will weigh hers down and make it harder to dry. Not sure about the suggestions RE going to bed with plaits in as, as a PP said, the hair doesn’t like being wet for too long. So glad she embraces it though!! It’s fab.

I have very thick, frizzy hair. Not curly enough to curl. I have an undercut and have L’Oréal extenso done my hairdresser every 4 months.

Her hair is very like my DD's. First off, is she on a multivitamin? My DD's hair was more brittle when she was run down and poorly (malabsorption issue, pic with red face). We use silicon free and tend to go for higher protein products. Our favourite products include Garnier banana hair food, or faith in nature seaweed and citrus conditioner. Some hair loves coconut oil and others don't; it's too heavy for DD's hair. This is silicon free for I would say 3 years now, you can see the massive improvement in her hair health in pic 2 (blue face).

I follow her hair advice. A curly hairdresser is really helpful, this is mine after a cut
it does take a while to dry (30-40 mins diffused) but I only wash it every 3-4 days