Help! Don’t know where to start with clothes…

[InsolentAnnie]

I’ve spent most of my life in the lucky position of being sure what suited me, and staying pretty much the same shape so clothes lasted me years. I went up a size after I had DC1, and another after DC2. Now I have very few things that suit me. I have a wardrobe full of lovely clothes that I’m desperate to wear but are uncomfortable / just a bit too small / no longer look right. I’m really struggling and feel rubbish as a result - realised that being slim ended up part of my identity, and now that I’m not I’m finding it hard - I just don’t know what suits me any more, and I don’t feel like me. I keep buying things that I think will replace what doesn’t fit, but they never look right so I have even more useless clothes. I think I like batwing sleeve / off the shoulder tops, full circle skirts… beyond that I’m not sure. Currently live in jeans and hoodies, but haven’t yet found the unicorn jeans that are actually comfy and flattering (stretchy ones slide down, wide leg make me look huge). Budget is tight.

Any advice on where to start would be fab. Do I chuck everything and start again?! Where can I get stuff when shops don’t stock what I want and online ends up not being right because I can’t try it on?!

For a start can you tell us what your body shape is and then maybe people can make suggestions? Also your colouring?

Don't underestimate the supermarkets- TU, Nutmeg (morrisons), and F&F have some really nice pieces that don't cost the earth, both in store and online. The returns process is easy too! (TU have some full skirts in at the moment, for instance). If you've got a big enough supermarket they'll also have places where you can try it on.
I also sell lots of my old clothes on Vinted, and that would give you some additional cash for building a new wardrobe :)

Thanks. I’ve gone from a 10 to probably a 14 (12 on top sometimes), my hips and arms are much bigger than they were. Fair colouring. I’ve Kon Marie-ed my wardrobe about three times but realised that most of the stuff that used to spark joy I end up taking off as soon as I’ve put it on as it doesn’t look right or is uncomfortable :(

Oh and I’m average height but my legs can easily look stubby as they’re quite short!!

You could maybe try some fairly full skirted shirt dresses? If you kept to a longish but midi length that would be flattering. I'm about your size and build and find that having a dress elongates the body as you're in one colour, if you see what I mean? There's a Blue Navy brand poplin one on T K Maxx at the moment in black for £24.99 - sorry I can't do links. But I have this dress in various jewel colours (emerald, fuchsia, bright blue, red and also black - it's simple to accessorise and works with a leather belt too. Quite easy to accessorise with shoes too, depending on your preference for casual or not. Works with a canvas tote for summer.

Experiment, experiment, experiment with jeans to find your comfort and style zone. Once you get used to accentuating your waist you will find the proportions that work - I wear barrel leg, wide leg, cigarette type jeans and have to wear M and S short ones. I never rated Marks and Spencer, but for jeans I find them really good, and even better if you can get to their Outlet stores where there are many bargains. Cashmere is lovely for your top half - Vinted have some excellent bargains, and for this time of the year maybe some silk shirts and boho blouses? Again Vinted are good for these and you can filter by size, material, colour etc.

Going back to shirt dresses, try a button through which you can wear unbuttoned from the waist down to show jeans underneath. Stylish and unusual I think. I understand how you feel, I was always about eight stone and over the years am now 12 stone - but I have overhauled my look over the last year. It's also a confidence thing, I think - you will look just as amazing now as you did then, it's a mindset. Also maybe thing about your hair, are you happy with it, or maybe think about a change?

I look at sites like Net a Porter and Luisa Via Roma to get styling ideas - Vinted is your friend to reinterpret these. Hope this helps a little bit - take some time to yourself to get out to the shops and have a good try-on and see what works!

Okay, this is hard- I know, I went through the same. I'm now a size 14 pear shape, sometimes 12 on the top, sometimes 16 on the bottom. Long torso= short legs.

First step for me was to change what I was seeing. My social media feeds or places I looked for interesting outfits were full of people size 10-12, slimmer hips than me. That doesn't do me any good. It won't do you any good either. Start looking up different people- search midsize, pear shape, mum tum, whatever you see your shape as. Then spend your time acclimatising to that for a few days. Go on Pinterest and look for midsize + whatever thing you like for the summer- midsize maxi skirt outfit, pear shape circle skirt outfit, size 14 jeans outfit.

Those things you think you look awful in- I promise you that you don't. You're just not used to seeing it and it will get better, but it's much easier to like what you see in the mirror if you see 50 other people the same size as you wearing something similar first.

@anon2022anonThank you - I’d not really thought about it like that. One thing that helped, bizarrely, was when I watched Stacey & Joe the other night - Stacey Solomon always seems to look good and I was wondering how she did it after five kids. Then I saw the bit where they went on holiday and she was in a swimsuit, and I could see she just looked normal - not stick thin / really toned, as I’d thought, but normal and lovely. Then she tried on her pre-children clothes and couldn’t fit into them at all, and seeing someone who always looks nice have that and laugh about it made me feel a lot better. It made me realise that she probably just knows how to dress for her shape and I need to do that. I think I need to get rid of lots of my clothes and buy things to replace them. It’s just hard letting go of things I love!

@InsolentAnnie oh yes, I understand that- it hurts to get rid of those things! But really, do those things work for your life now? If you're anything like me, your life has changed drastically over a fairly short period of time, and where I once needed outfits for nights out, brunches, a bit of shopping, etc, now I need stuff that I can move easily in, bend and kneel on the floor, wash quickly and easily, that's smart but not too much for the school run. It all changes again a little bit once you get past the stage of being on the floor with a toddler all the time.

Completely understand how seeing SS on TV has a positive impact- we think all these bad things about ourselves, but when you see the someone who's gone through something similar in the public eye, it puts in into perspective a bit that actually, we just put such a negative spin on it for ourselves, and it's not that big of a deal from outside.