Curly hair - what to do with it between washes?

[JBJ]

My 19yo son has long, naturally curly hair, which he’s finally started looking after properly (he’s ASD. and spent years just showering, washing it every day and largely doing nothing with it, resulting in a clean but frizzy Afro type ‘do!).

He now only washes it once or twice a week, brushes only when wet, conditions properly etc, and when it’s freshly washed, it looks lovely. However, we’re struggling to know what to do with it in between washes, as it obviously gets really knotty and he refuses to brush it. He tries to detangle with his fingers, but inevitably ends up with knots he can’t get out.

We’ve tried a few sprays for curly hair that promise to detangle and revitalise curls, but he says they don’t come out in a mist and make his hair feel horrible. He hates most mousses, bought him a wide tooth comb which he’s proclaimed is useless, hates the feel of silk pillowcases, won’t sleep with a hair bonnet type thing on, and I’m running out of suggestions!

What he’d like us a product he could put on his hair that will enable him to detangle with his fingers (or a brush if one exists which won’t just frizz up his hair when dry?), give it a bit of a scrunch and have lovely curls every day. Just any suggestions really as to how to deal with curly hair whilst following the “don’t wash every day and only brush when wet” rules!

I’ve attached a photo with kind of shows his hair when recently washed to give an idea of how it looks naturally (although it was a windy day, so it’s fuzzed up a bit!). He hates having his photo taken though, so I’ve had to doctor one I took last year on holiday!

Many thanks in advance!

Fab hair, what a lucky lad!!!

That had obviously been brushed out. don't. Just detangle when you wash and let air dry. I refresh between washes with some conditioner. Just a blob and make the hair a tiny bit wet (damp) and scrunch it in.

I would also recommend using a curl cream such as hello wave after a wash. gives the curls a bit more hold and they remain more coiled until the next wash. if I wouldn't do that, I would look like the pic you posted just I manage to keep my curls much more defined with I use curl cream.

Someone that I know has IMPRESSIVELY curly hair which stays in beautiful ringlet curls all day. She uses a curl cream and applies it with her fingers while her hair is damp.

He doesn’t brush it when dry anymore, but how do we get the knots out in between washes?

I don’t really detangle between washes or it results in that poofed out look. If your son used a curl cream followed by a strong hold gel when his curls are soaking wet, they’d be defined and glorious! Then just dampen to revitalise between washes.

It just gets so tangled though. A couple of days without brushing/washing and there’s matts starting to form at the nape of his neck, but if he washes it more often, it’s got the texture of straw!

I put my hair up at night on top of my head which stops matting

Yeah I have suggested putting it up but he hates how it feels. I’ve got waist length hair and tend to plait mine at night to make it easier to manage, but my son is very sensitive to anything tight/different due to his ASD (there is a word I’m trying to recall to try and describe what I’m saying, but I have huge brain fog today!).

Like your son, I use all the curly products and brush through when it's just washed and leave to air dry.

Other days, I gently go through the underneath at my nape with a wide tooth comb and then spritz the whole lot with a water spray (just one that you'd use for plants), scrunch it up which revives the products and then let it dry naturally.

Ah I have a plant mister spray so we’ll give that a go. All the spray products I’ve bought (and there’s been many, many of them!) have kind of sprayed out in a strong stream and he hates that as it just soaks a patch of hair.

The tie hair up at night is one of the most important 'prevention' points in stopping knots and fuzz forming. I hate a tight scalp and that restrictive feeling, but recommend the telephone wire type hair ties. They don't mark the hair or feel tight, but when you take them out in the morning, the curls and coils are preserved. Sometimes I do a quick homemade spritz with some water and a few drops of essential oil to scrunch a little bit of definition back in.
The best hair ties I've found are the ones by Jesslab on Amazon.

He absolutely won’t tie his hair up unfortunately. We’ve been round in circles on this and he tolerates it for about 10 minutes then rips it out again as he can’t stand how it feels.

Detangling spray or cup of conditioner mixed with water, slap on, worked on, then with a large hairbrush , go through very very slowly, holding the hair and do parts of it, not one long brush movement top do bottom

'All the spray products I’ve bought (and there’s been many, many of them!) have kind of sprayed out in a strong stream and he hates that as it just soaks a patch of hair.'

I know what you mean. I wet my hands, spray several squirts of product into my palm, rub hands together then 'wipe' over the lengths of my hair

Denman brushes are brilliant for defining curls. Only use on damp hair that's got product in (curl cream and gel for example)

Any recommendations for a good detangling spray? I’ll mix some conditioner and water up in a spray bottle for him to try later.

Curly hair here - love your DSs! But it is a faff to manage and I understand why he gets frustrated at the constant upkeep. I'd suggest running through some conditioner and maybe some curl cream when soaking wet, blotting with an old t-shirt or microfibre towel. Then smoothing some gel (Cantu custard or Umberto Giannini curl jelly) over the top and leaving to air dry. If he can stand it up at night that'll help keep the curls in, and the next day, just spritz with water from a spray, a maybe apply a little conditioner using 'smoothing' technique, finger curling any curls that need a bit more help, and leaving to air dry.

I’ve ordered a Denman brush and some Cantu curl cream for him to try. His bloody hair costs me a fortune (and then there’s me who hasn’t had a haircut in 18 months 🤣).

Don’t spray anything direct to hair. Spray dollop on to hands, squish about a bit and then gently ‘wipe’ or work in to, with fingers, the areas of hair it’s needed.

I’ve also tried almost everything on the market. Didn’t like most of it, couldn’t get in with curly girl method. I mostly give up and blow dry straight now but when I do go curly, I’ve found that Coco and Eve is the best result. Just shampoo and conditioner, sometimes use the mask for extra conditioning. And use the leave in de tangling cream whilst curls are wet.
I do use a hair wrap at night though, if I want to keep the curl for the next day. If he simply won’t do that then he’s going to have to wash more often to get the result.

I lightly scrunch my hair on the top of my head overnight and use a silk bonnet, makes such a difference. I brush my hair only after being washed and use a water spritz and cantu cream in between washes.

Silk pillow case. Also, lots of hair moisturiser. I can’t use curl creams as they still dry my hair out. I use straight up coconut oil, and a leave in hair moisturiser. Also, I wash with only conditioner except once a week.

We tried a silk pillowcase and he hated it. He’s so funny about textures etc

I have dry curly hair and coconut oil on damp hair just after washing and rinsing the conditioner out helps condition and define my curls. I only use a tiny amount though and don't put it anywhere near the roots! In between washes I just wet it down a bit with water on wet hands and add more coconut oil if needed. I don't brush it or use a hairdryer. Does he leave it to air dry?

It looks like he's got textured hair so try a pick. Look on Amazon for hair pick.

I'm in the US but do you have Shea Moisture or a bit more expensive, Briogeo or Pattern?

I hear him and you about those little tangles at the nape, they're awful. I sometimes just put my head upside down and put all the hair in a soft ponytail holder at the top of my head and sleep like that. Look up protective hair styles.

His hair is really lovely.

He mostly leaves it to air dry; occasionally blasts it with a diffuser on the hairdryer if we’re going somewhere and it’s still wet, but mainly leaves it.

For keeping it tangle free at night, would he be okay with a buff/tube scarf? My DD has similar hair and a buff keeps it from getting matted while she sleeps. In the morning I use a water spray to detangle and refresh the curls, then wash every third day.