Something better than a hoodie for home school teen

[VeryNiceDay]

Hi,

I wondered if anybody might know what the more respectable equivalent of a hoodie and jogging trousers is for a 14 year old?

My son is home schooling with a council EOTAS package but we have to do lots of going out to get him practise at socialising again. I've noticed that when we meet men that we don't know at church teas, they tend to address him with a sort of talkin-to-the-lads street-style speech, which they are putting on to try and meet him half way. I think it might be because he has a hoodie on.

DS is not that sort of lad, and is a nervous intellectual type. He has no idea of what to say or do when the men address him like that.

I thought maybe I should get him some slightly more upmarket clothes so he looks as though he is naice middle class (which he is), but I'm not sure what that would be. He is ASD and likes very comfy clothes that don't itch or dig in, which is why he is wearing jersey fabric.

I wondered if he ought to wear a shirt like an office shirt, with maybe a jumper over it, when it's cold, or without, when it's warm? Or if something like a rugby shirt would be better?

I have no idea really because we only saw his friends in school uniform so I don't know what they wear outside of school.

I just wondered if you might have any ideas?

He's slim and about 5'8". We live in a south east university town which is heaving with posh public school kids.

Thanks!

DS is working as a software engineer and wears hoodie tops to work. I would imagine the blokes are treating him that way because of his age rather than anything else and trying to be 'down with the kids'. Primark do some nice quality chinos that ds wears, £12 a pair I think. That with a Next jumper would be my recommendation for a smarter look.

My ASD teen really likes the uniglo round neck merino jumpers over a t shirt (or even on their own). They look really chic and wash amazingly

He also has a an M &S black cashmere hoodie his grandmother bought him for Christmas that has a totally different vibe from a sweatshirt one. Merino hoodies are also around

Agree with everyone else that it’s perfectly normal for boys of any class to wear a hoodie! He should wear what’s physically most comfortable.

I really hope he’s not ever actually said “please stop being awful”

This reminds me of Catherine Tate’s middle class mum having a meltdown because some unschooled oik addresses her precious son in abhorrent street language because he called her son ‘mate’. Oh the horror. 🙄

I have a very similar sounding 14 yr old

His current favourite trousers are stretchy walking trousers from Regatta, I'll check what they're actually called). Since he discovered you can get actual trousers with some stretch (as opposed to just joggers) he has never looked back.

He always wears a black cotton vest/tank top which he tucks into the waistband of the trousers so it doesn't scratch him or touch his skin, and then a jumper on top. He has a nice collection of jumpers/hoodies in soft fabrics that reflect his interests (Japanese art, dungeons and dragons, and the universe/galaxy prints 😂).

Hoodies seem less casual when worn with actual trousers rather than joggers, I think.

I recommend trying some outdoor type shops (ie Mountain Warehouse) for plain comfy clothes!

Taking this question at face value- my DS lives in hoodies but when he wants to be smart he wears jeans and a white t shirt and a white soft round neck jumper from Zara or H and M. He also wears round neck sweat shirts which are a bit smarter than hoodies but feel similar in terms of sensory/comfort.

My teen and his friends wear jeans/cargos with band t shirts. Plus charity shop stuff like flannel shirts and jumpers. Carhartt style jackets from vinted are popular too. They look a bit scruffy in a cool way. It's a different look to joggers but still comfy.

What about 'geeky' t shirts that reflect his interests? With an open shirt for a warm layer.

Yep.

I wouldn't take him to places where people talk to him like that. Or can’t see past the clothing. All the kids round here wear joggers and hoodies.

It sounds like he is wearing perfectly normal comfortable clothes, favoured by teens from all backgrounds.

I’m afraid some teens are more likely to be stereotyped than others. No idea if the OP’s child is amongst those - but we had to discourage our young from wearing black hoodies, or walking around with the hood up. We knew why it was necessary.

(And yes, well brought up, famous public school, etc. Makes no difference when you’re strolling to the post office …)

My teens with EOTAS live in joggers/shorts and t-shirts/hoodies. So does my school attending teen.

As an aside, you should request an early review of the EHCP and appeal when you next have the right of appeal. It is a very poor EOTAS package that relies on you to deliver provision (EOTAS is not EHE) and relies on going to church teas for social interaction.

Although not all home-ed groups are welcoming to DC with EOTAS/EOTIS, so if you look at them, you will need to check. It is not EHE and some do not want DC who are not EHE/have LA involvement attending.

Surely get him away from church teas and encourage social interaction with other home Ed kids his age.

yes it’s great to be able to communicate with a wide age range but I would think working on friendships with his peers is the most important thing. Hoodie and joggers are fine unless they are attending an event.

For something smarter, I think you need to focus on the joggers rather than the hoodie, but I appreciate that’s hard for him. I would try to find some super soft chinos with stretch to them, and even an elasticated waist. Try lining the waistband with a fleecy material, and maybe the pockets too.

goodness it’s not his hoodie it’s just men trying to be relatable Tomhim
and that’s nothing to do with the hoodie. I’m sure there’s more colliding events that just church teas for a 14 year old.

Thanks, this is really helpful. We'll have a look.

I've just checked the label and his favourite trousers are Regatta Hightons. He has some that are age 15-16 and some mens 30/32. Once he decided he liked them I ended up buying 6 pairs because they're all he wears now, other than 1 pair of galaxy print joggers that he found on Vinted.

T shirts is a good shout too, let him choose some that reflect his interests and he can wear them with a soft plaid shirt over the top, or even with a soft cotton long sleeve top underneath in a nice plain colour.

It's hard dressing an autistic teenage boy tbh. DS is a funny mix of incredibly specific about what he wears (from a sensory perspective) but completely uncaring about how it looks. He is already clearly "different" because of how he walks/talks/has his hair, and I don't want him to be the target of mockery when he is out especially as he gains independence and starts going more places on his own - other kids can be so cruel. But obviously I also don't want to micromanage what he wears either!

Polo shirt and jumper/sweatshirt, cord trousers.
All clean and with no or minimal signs of use.
Any shoes as long as they are clean.
Avoid visible brands or loud patterns / too many colours.

Disclaimer: I have quite a conservative and old fashioned fashion sense.

Thanks, yes, this is exactly our situation.

Thank you for the recommendation of Regatta Hightons. We'll try those, and a shirt for over a T shirt.

We really liked the Shacket idea upthread. We looked online and found "borg lined shackets", which caused great hilarity.

I also really like comfortable clothes and wear the same thing every day. It just makes life so much easier.

How could I have forgotten about borg lined jackets 😂 DS has one from Lands End with galaxy print lining and basically never takes it off!

DS can't tolerate the feeling of anything "crunchy" like jeans or real shirts, and he isn't dextrous enough to manage buttons (I still have to zip his coat for him half the time). So finding stuff that doesn't look like little boys clothing and suits his sensory needs and is to his taste/style can be...hard 😬 What he likes are what he calls "ghost clothes" but they're hard to find for boys/men! Bamboo socks are acceptable, as are lightweight stretchy smooth fabrics generally.

You could also consider a smarter sweatshirt. The lack of hood makes a real difference in how my teens look, I find. If you want to smarten more, add a polo shirt. Also consider quarter zip sweatshirts or jumpers, my teen boys go to for being a bit more presentable.

What’s wrong with jeans and a hoodie? DT’s went to a private non uniform school and the majority wore jeans and a hoodie or shorts and T-shirt.

Poor chap, let him wear what ever he wants, it’s his body.

I really dont think the problem is how your DS dresses, it's the way these peculiar men are interacting with him! Any adult man who is going to church teas during the week should not be attempting "youth speak" with ANYONE, never mind an awkward teenager.