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Wedding Guest Outfit Ideas for Women in Their 40s – Help Needed!

48 replies

ProseccoAndParenting · 05/03/2025 15:15

My younger brother is getting married in May and the dress code on the invitation says 'casual chic', so anything goes really. I haven't been to a wedding for years, my body has changed a bit since having kids, so I would love to buy a new dress for this and have a decent budget. I'd love to find something that is more towards the chic side, not the casual, yet I can get more use from than just one wedding. I don't know what's 'in' to wear (long/short, strapless or not, which materials, which colours) and usually don't care much, but the majority of guests will be 5-10 years younger than me and I don't want to stand out too much either. I've been searching online, but just can't figure out what I want or should wear.

Some dresses for inspiration that I liked (but not enough to order or I wouldn't be here!):

I am 5ft7, size 8/10 at the top (S) and 10/12 at the bottom (M), very small chested... which makes this search much harder...

What do you think of the above dresses? Do you have any other/better suggestions? Oh and please do include shoe recommendations if you have any!

Forever New one shoulder pleated maxi dress in blue | ASOS

Shop Forever New one shoulder pleated maxi dress in blue at ASOS. Order now with multiple payment and delivery options, including free and unlimited next day delivery (Ts&Cs apply).

https://www.asos.com/forever-new/forever-new-one-shoulder-pleated-maxi-dress-in-blue/prd/207707017#colourWayId-207707027

OP posts:
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BeetledBrow · 05/03/2025 16:59

The ASOS and the green dress would surely be wrong for casual chic? (As well as both being rather nasty.)

I must say I do think it’s a shame you view yourself so negatively and are seeing this as a series of hurdles over perceived age and bodily faults.

Surely, surely a wedding is supposed to be a joyful gathering of several generations? I don’t understand what is problematic about being in your 40s? And who the hell cares about the size of your chest? I highly doubt there are any normal clothes you can’t fit into.

Assuming a budget of - £175 / £200 or so?? - you’re not looking in the chicest of places.

Cos
& Other Stories
Massimo Dutti
Sister Jane
Realisation
The Reformation

all do more or less ‘casual chic’ dresses and separates in that sort of price range.

Having said that - I obviously don’t know your family and friends. If what the invitation really means is slinky evening wear - then I guess that’s what you should choose.

BeetledBrow · 05/03/2025 17:18

To me ‘casual chic’ for a wedding would be something like this:

Cos waistcoat

with a co-ordinating skirt or tailored trousers.

Or this

Cos silk co-ord set

with perhaps some bright pink sandals, an embroidered bag and your best jewellery.

(I’d assume they just meant no stiff 1980s MOB chiffon!)

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 05/03/2025 17:19

Wot BeetledBrow says. Would add that the Scarlett and Joe dress would be a lot nicer without the angel sleeves. I agree I don't think any of these dresses are "casual chic"

I'd add Joannie to BeetleBrow's list. The dresses in thevCelia Birtwell are hippy/ casual chic.
Celia Birtwell

BeetledBrow · 05/03/2025 17:33

Had forgotten Joanie! Although I’m guessing the OP can spend a bit more than they charge?

Regarding the Scarlett and Joe dress - @ProseccoAndParenting you really do not need a ‘wrap dress’. I honestly would put them out of your mind forever. The original DVF frocks were revolutionary, cool business wear when they first appeared. Now the cheap not even good imitations are pushed towards women with large body measurements who don’t feel well served by other options. They are irrelevant to you. (Why are you looking at brands designed for plus size women anyway?)

minnienono · 05/03/2025 17:34

Sorry not that cos co ord set, looks like pj's!

Go to real shops eg John Lewis and see what suits you

BeetledBrow · 05/03/2025 18:35

This set:

Sister Jane top and skirt

would be wonderful, particularly for someone who might want different sizes for the two pieces.

ProseccoAndParenting · 05/03/2025 20:54

Thanks all for the recommendations so far! I didn't know some of these brands, so it's opening up my search and I see where you all are going with the style. A few additions based on your posts:

  • I don't see myself in a negative light at all - sorry if that's come across like that. I am actually happy with my body and age. I just don't want to look completely different as I'm the only one coming from abroad and haven't attended a wedding in my home country for donkeys years nor have I seen some of those attending for a decade. I just meant that I want to blend in, rather than stand out by picking the wrong outfit...
  • I think my brother and his wife-to-be just meant with 'casual chic': if you want to dress up, go for it, if you prefer it a bit more casual, then do that. It's nice of them to not care, but makes things trickier to choose. My sister seems to be wanting to go for more slinky evening wear, but my mum more fore something classical and I just don't know :).

Really like some of the Joanie dresses, but they might be a bit too warm for end of May. Climate is similar to the south of the UK, perhaps a bit warmer. Perhaps in a few weeks they may have more summary outfits on? What do we think of this one? https://joanieclothing.com/desdemona-pink-floral-print-midi-dress.html

The cos suits are not really my style but I hadn't considered the skirts (sister jane) as an option. The Reformation and Realisation look a little bit too figure hugging for my liking (again, not that I'm embarrassed - just prefer looser things), but perhaps I'm looking at the wrong website 😅. Going to have a look at &OtherStories and the rest of Cost now too!

Any other brand ideas?

Desdemona Pink Floral Print Midi Dress

Meet Desdemona, your new go-to midaxi for easy transitional dressing! Crafted from a soft and floaty fabric in an all-over retro floral wallpaper print, Desdemona features a V-neckline with shirring at the shoulders, wide angel sleeves, a shaped waist...

https://joanieclothing.com/desdemona-pink-floral-print-midi-dress.html

OP posts:
ProseccoAndParenting · 05/03/2025 21:27

Oh spoke too soon - I actually do like some of the reformation dresses:

https://www.thereformation.com/products/briony-dress/1317086FOE.html?dwvar_1317086FOE_color=FOE&quantity=1

https://www.thereformation.com/products/senna-dress/1312453NVY.html?dwvar_1312453NVY_color=NVY

https://www.thereformation.com/products/arta-dress/1310189NVY.html?dwvar_1310189NVY_color=NVY&quantity=1

https://www.thereformation.com/products/camella-dress/1317154LKU.html?dwvar_1317154LKU_color=LKU&quantity=1

https://www.thereformation.com/products/esmarie-dress/1316594BCI.html?dwvar_1316594BCI_color=NVY&quantity=1 (in blue or in prosecco colour)

https://www.thereformation.com/products/jaelyn-dress/1314251SNG.html?dwvar_1314251SNG_color=SNG

Briony Dress

Wear the dress. Shop the Briony Dress from Reformation, a sleeveless dress with a halter neckline, drop waist, and flowy skirt.

https://www.thereformation.com/products/briony-dress/1317086FOE.html?dwvar_1317086FOE_color=FOE&quantity=1

OP posts:
BeetledBrow · 05/03/2025 21:44

This one?

Reformation Delilah

Or take a look here:

Net-a-Porter sale dresses

ProseccoAndParenting · 06/03/2025 10:18

At first I thought it was too figure hugging, but the material seems quite thick, in which case it could probably work. It's not a brand I knew before, so thanks for the recommendation @BeetledBrow!

@IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle I love the pink city dresses, again didn't know the brand, but probably wouldn't wear them to the wedding...

OP posts:
DidntHaveTheLatin · 06/03/2025 11:11

That's quite a tricky dress code! I don't know what the crowd will be but I think you'll see quite a lot of variation amongst guests.

I definitely.think wedding style has moved on from 20yrs ago, when I first started regularly attending them - I'd be unlikely to wear a fitted sheath-type dress now, for example, and that was a bit of a default back then. I tend to navigate towards midi length, with a fuller skirt (and ideally pockets!). I also prefer to not need a jacket if poss, so unless it's warm I generally go for short sleeves. I also quite like a big print now, whereas years ago I think there was a bit of a feeling of not wanting to upstage the bridal party. Lastly I'm more likely to wear flat sandals the whole way through now, rather than just on the dancefloor, although I do have two pairs of block heel sandals that are great for weddings - neutral/tan suede and pale gold leather.

In the spirit of using what I already have, therefore, I'd maybe try and get away with a nice full-skirted cotton broderie midi dress I wore to a cool London evening wedding last year,.or a printed coral wide-legged jumpsuit I wore to a church hall wedding last spring. I'd definitely be going for a bit unstructured, not too fussy, and probably colourful, although that's not a given.

Out of your first links, OP, I'd steer away from the more slinky evening type gowns. I like the pale blue Reformation one you linked. I like a co-ord, but the black Cos one wasn't for me.

ProseccoAndParenting · 06/03/2025 11:41

DidntHaveTheLatin · 06/03/2025 11:11

That's quite a tricky dress code! I don't know what the crowd will be but I think you'll see quite a lot of variation amongst guests.

I definitely.think wedding style has moved on from 20yrs ago, when I first started regularly attending them - I'd be unlikely to wear a fitted sheath-type dress now, for example, and that was a bit of a default back then. I tend to navigate towards midi length, with a fuller skirt (and ideally pockets!). I also prefer to not need a jacket if poss, so unless it's warm I generally go for short sleeves. I also quite like a big print now, whereas years ago I think there was a bit of a feeling of not wanting to upstage the bridal party. Lastly I'm more likely to wear flat sandals the whole way through now, rather than just on the dancefloor, although I do have two pairs of block heel sandals that are great for weddings - neutral/tan suede and pale gold leather.

In the spirit of using what I already have, therefore, I'd maybe try and get away with a nice full-skirted cotton broderie midi dress I wore to a cool London evening wedding last year,.or a printed coral wide-legged jumpsuit I wore to a church hall wedding last spring. I'd definitely be going for a bit unstructured, not too fussy, and probably colourful, although that's not a given.

Out of your first links, OP, I'd steer away from the more slinky evening type gowns. I like the pale blue Reformation one you linked. I like a co-ord, but the black Cos one wasn't for me.

Thanks for the advice @DidntHaveTheLatin! Curious if you could share any links or brand names to the block heels you've mentioned and also to the jumpsuit and broderie mini dress you have?

OP posts:
DidntHaveTheLatin · 06/03/2025 13:35

My gold heels are Boden but they don't have them any more - they're not super high and are just right for me. They're this kind of height and colour, but a much simpler design - Carvela heels. The neutral suede ones are a bit more casual, with a wooden block heel, but nice for a sunny summer day wedding.

The jumpsuit was an old one, I think from Mango or Zara - a print a bit like this from Monsoon, but without the side ties!

Broderie-wise, this is nice, from Finery (and on sale!) although perhaps too casual for some weddings.

Nava Mixed Print Tie Leg Jumpsuit Pink | Jumpsuits | Monsoon UK.

Shop the Nava Mixed Print Tie Leg Jumpsuit Pink from the Jumpsuits collection at Monsoon UK.

https://www.monsoon.co.uk/nava-mixed-print-tie-leg-jumpsuit-pink-5427961054.html?utm_source=organic_shopping&utm_medium=organic

ProseccoAndParenting · 06/03/2025 14:12

Oh thank you so much @DidntHaveTheLatin! I like the heels you've shared :). Also didn't know the brand Finery and definitely like a lot of those dresses - perhaps not for the wedding, but for work. And I like the idea of a jump suit actually!

OP posts:
GreenCandleWax · 06/03/2025 17:42

ProseccoAndParenting · 05/03/2025 20:54

Thanks all for the recommendations so far! I didn't know some of these brands, so it's opening up my search and I see where you all are going with the style. A few additions based on your posts:

  • I don't see myself in a negative light at all - sorry if that's come across like that. I am actually happy with my body and age. I just don't want to look completely different as I'm the only one coming from abroad and haven't attended a wedding in my home country for donkeys years nor have I seen some of those attending for a decade. I just meant that I want to blend in, rather than stand out by picking the wrong outfit...
  • I think my brother and his wife-to-be just meant with 'casual chic': if you want to dress up, go for it, if you prefer it a bit more casual, then do that. It's nice of them to not care, but makes things trickier to choose. My sister seems to be wanting to go for more slinky evening wear, but my mum more fore something classical and I just don't know :).

Really like some of the Joanie dresses, but they might be a bit too warm for end of May. Climate is similar to the south of the UK, perhaps a bit warmer. Perhaps in a few weeks they may have more summary outfits on? What do we think of this one? https://joanieclothing.com/desdemona-pink-floral-print-midi-dress.html

The cos suits are not really my style but I hadn't considered the skirts (sister jane) as an option. The Reformation and Realisation look a little bit too figure hugging for my liking (again, not that I'm embarrassed - just prefer looser things), but perhaps I'm looking at the wrong website 😅. Going to have a look at &OtherStories and the rest of Cost now too!

Any other brand ideas?

For some reason you are going for designs that suit plus type shapes. The Desdemona one might swamp you unless you are quite tall. Have you looked at Phase Eight or Nobodys Child, maybe Hobbs. Even Zara - they seem to cut for slimmer shapes? Am echoing those who say this is to be happy in, so enjoy!

ProseccoAndParenting · 06/03/2025 17:52

@GreenCandleWax you make a good observation :). My husband keeps saying the same thing haha. I just prefer looser styles, but will have a look at the brands you suggested! Thank you :)

OP posts:
IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 06/03/2025 17:55

I would avoid Phase 8.

BeTaupeBird · 07/03/2025 18:17

I love the Sister Jane stuff! I like Free People and Anthropologie and also Hoss Intropia but no specific recommendations for you sorry! Wolf and Badger has loads but almost too much to search unless someone else can help narrow it down!

ProseccoAndParenting · 07/03/2025 20:36

Thank you so much @BeTaupeBird and @Charlee555 . I'm discovering so many brands and sites I didn't know existed!

My mum and sis went shopping today and decided to go more for the casual part of the dress code - a bit more classical though. Will have to alter my search too then!

OP posts:
ProseccoAndParenting · 07/03/2025 20:37

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 06/03/2025 17:55

I would avoid Phase 8.

Why would you avoid them @IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle ?

OP posts:
IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 07/03/2025 20:43

ProseccoAndParenting · 07/03/2025 20:37

Why would you avoid them @IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle ?

I think they're dreary, old fashioned (but not in a vintage way) and look so wedding guesty they can't be worn to anything else.