I feel a mess

[pussinboots61]

I try to take care of myself but I can't help feeling a mess. Does anyone else feel like this.

I work full time so I wear trousers and jumpers in winter for work, either that or a skirt or tunic with thick tights and in summer nice dresses or skirts and t-shirts. For outside work I do wear different things to what I wear at work.

However I am finding clothes are very limited in the shops now. A couple of years ago I bought some lovely dresses in M&S which I am clinging onto for dear life! I fear I may not find anything like them again. The clothes now are dull and drab. All I want are some nice feminine dresses, straight legged trousers, instead all I see are drab dresses with mega long sleeves and that look like curtains and wide trousers which I don't like, though I did in the seventies.

I wear make up every day but its gone by the end of the day. Everything I get used to gets discontinued. I have my hair done and I now have subtle pink streaks in amongst the dark blonde which people say really suits me but I can never get my hair how the hairdresser does it, it never stays put and ends up looking flyaway.

I have my nails manicured just now and again. I don't like gel or acrylic nails. When I wear normal nail polish it makes my nails break so they are bare. After the initial manicure when they look good, they start looking a mess, even though I put oil on them every night and keep them filed. They have started going brown at the tips and I don't smoke so don't know what that is.

I try to wear good quality clothing and make up but I always feel unkempt somehow.

Can anyone help please?

All I want are some nice feminine dresses,
Where are you looking for clothes?
Honestly shops, real and online are awash with nice, feminine dresses. I'm not going to suggest any brands because I don't know your budget and preferences.

I wear make up every day but its gone by the end of the day.
Well yes, that's pretty normal.

Everything I get used to gets discontinued.
That might be a wee bit of an exaggeration? For example I've worn Clinique almost my whole adult life and I don't think they've ever done this to me.

I have my hair done and I now have subtle pink streaks in amongst the dark blonde which people say really suits me but I can never get my hair how the hairdresser does it, it never stays put and ends up looking flyaway.

Almost nobody does- don't expect to unless you're prepared to spend lots of time. Tbh, look around you at work- unless you're in Vogue HQ most people get by perfectly fine with clean and brushed. There's lots of easy options for keeping hair up. I can do 3 or 4 perfect up dos that stay up or quickly wrap a scrunchie or a claw round it. It doesn't matter if it's not perfect.

All I see are drab dresses with mega long sleeves and that look like curtains and wide trousers which I don't like, though I did in the seventies.

If you saw these in the 70s are you mid to late 60s? Not that age has much (anything even) to do with it but I'm 65 and shops, especially online shops are bursting at the gunnels with clothes I want.

As for your nails, I've never had a manicure - they've never seemed important. I don't know what is causing the discolouration - might be a diet deficiency? That might be worth speaking to a pharmacist or GP practice nurse about.

i think you're giving yourself a hard time, doing yourself down and maybe setting unrealistic expectations.

For finding clothes, why not spend a week or so just reading threads and seeing what's out there? All and any of the "what can I wear to...." threads.

What a litany of misery! Perhaps you’re feeling down about life in general, @pussinboots61 - and focusing that on your appearance? Because I highly doubt things are quite as bad as you perceive them to be.

1961? You’re mere minutes older than me - and, like the poster above, I find limitless good things to buy.

Firstly - are you only shopping in your High St or local shopping mall? Because that would be a deadly experience. I’ve been buying 90% of my clothes online since the turn of the millennium - and have absolutely relished the freedom. (Brexit spoilt my shopping life somewhat, but I press on.) And the ongoing experience of constant browsing means I have a pretty good idea of what’s available and what I want to be wearing.

Secondly - how do you take care of your wardrobe? Even the loveliest things are going to look a bit limp and unexciting if they’re not well maintained.

Thirdly - there’s a slight element of rigidity and resistance in your post! Clinging to a specific idea of what you’re prepared to wear is just going to leave you feeling frustrated and outlying. If dresses that look like curtains are in fashion - for heaven’s sake buy one and see how you get on. Try a pair of wide trousers - they won’t look like the ones you wore in the 70s, because everything else has changed, including you. Live in the now.

As for your other issues - hair and nails … Get a different haircut if the one you have doesn’t work for you. And really, beyond soap, water, emery boards (and some sort of moisturiser if you choose), you’re not obliged to do anything else to your hands. Just be grateful that they function and don’t bother with more unless it brings you joy.

I think you need to maybe work on your self esteem rather then your appearance TBH as it sounds like you are doing all the right things, just not feeling great.
I know its not that easy (someone saying 'cheer up, love!' never helps!) but I hope you can find some resources to feel better about yourself.

As for clothes if you know a brand or style you love then I would suggest getting on Vinted. You can find most things and hopefully something you will love.😉

Thanks for your reply. I do suffer from depression and I feel my low mood can contribute to me feeling this way.

Clinique have just discontinued my Even Better Glow foundation, prior to this they discontinued the Gentle Light make up and the Almost make up. They have also discontinued quite a few lipsticks I've grown fond of.

Thank you for your reply. I am 63, will be in 64 in November.

I do look for clothes in shops. The only time I order online is if I know something fits me, usually from M&S and I know I can pick it up in store. With me working full time its difficult to get deliveries and I think ordering clothes online can be akward because if they don't fit or suit you then its the hassle of sending them back if you can't take them back to the store.

Wrong thread !

@pussinboots61 could you explain what it is that you want help with? You’re not giving the impression that you want to do anything differently (no reason why you should, of course), so it’s not easy to understand what you’re hoping to hear from posters.

Like Preciousssssss the vast majority of what I buy is online apart from a very small number of independent shops. I rarely have to return things and when I do it's because I haven't been honest with myself re sizes.

I'm not sure what to suggest re delivery. I work full time but domestic set up allows deliveries easily. There's a world of interesting clothes out there. Although whilst M&S wouldn't be my first choice, they sell Nobody's Child and Finery both of whose main lines are feminine, pretty dresses.

I buy a lot online and rarely have to send stuff back. I'm ruthless with a tape measure and know my own measurements reasonably well. I also look for details such as trouser inside length so that I won't have to get them altered or alter them myself.

I study how the item fits the model and work out if that will suit my shape. I know that if the dress is knee length on a 5"10 model, it will be mid calf on me. I have a short waist and chunky upper arms, so sleeve seams that hang off the shoulder and start midway down the arm make my arms look fat because they hit at my widest part. But a set in sleeve that starts at my shoulder point is fantastic.

Surely you know your own body well enough from your current clothes that you can work out what suits you. You don't have to be stuck with just M&S. There's a world of clothing brands just looking for your money.

I'm not sure really, maybe reassurance that I'm not the only one who feels this way or if there are ways I can make myself feel more positive about how I look, have more confidence in myself.

I'm not sure what to say. There's regular "I've lost my style/ don't know what to buy threads" on here, but I'm not sure that's what you're looking for.

Continue to browse here; have a look at what posters are suggesting and see if any thing takes your fancy.

Relax a little- it's really no big deal that Clinique or whover has discontinued a certain lipstick- there's gazillions of alternative options.

Buy some scrunchies, Alice bands or hair claws- hair doesn't have to be perfect- most people's isn't.

I understand some of your concerns OP.
I leave the house for work looking reasonable but by end of day all makeup has gone and I just look frazzled. But that is normal - I just get home and do my lovely skincare regime and feel instantly better. It sounds like you would like the new skin tints out now based on the Clinique products you have mentioned. Loads of them on the market - Maybelline do a good one and if you want to spend, Lisa Eldridge’s is gorgeous. They are serum hybrids and really natural - honestly can’t go wrong. Also consider a primer and a good setting spray - however if you’re a constant face touched like me there is only so much these products can handle!

Nails, I hear you. I can never keep mine looking nice despite nightly care - they are becoming more ridged and discoloured as I get older. But I honestly can’t be faffed with gels etc so I just got a lovely product by the Manicurist called Active Glow and it’s great. Gives a natural sheen and seems to cover the discolouration. Plus doesn’t chip and if it did it wouldn’t be noticeable. Plus I can bung it on every couple of nights without build up and then start again at the end of the week.

I don’t agree with wearing clothes just because they’re in fashion - at my age (52) I know what suits me and looks good on me so I don’t deviate. Very petite and most high street clothes swamp me. I have a few sites that I love and pretty much only order from them. If I deviate, I have to go running to the EVRI shop!

Hair - no comment really as I have the wildest curly hair imaginable - interestingly the days when I think it’s at its most wild, are the days I get compliments on it so Intry not to worry about it.

Also meant to add if you have a lipstick colour you love that has since been discontinued you can google for a dupe - I’ve found lots of replacements this way. The bonus is the dupe is often cheaper too.