Where to even start…

[Hereslookinatyoukid]

Inspired by @Lookingoldandugly ’s thread. I’m the same age. I’m overweight (probably not quite at the criteria for mounjaro but overweight and carrying it badly now). Two little kids and getting so little sleep for the last few years that sometimes I think I’m walking through treacle. My skin is both aging (luckily only the odd wrinkle) and having a second adolescence with breakouts most of the time. Diet is bad, I drink quite a bit of water, but too much caffeine too. My wardrobe has dwindled to things that mainly cover me up. I have a nice handbag, a nice coat and a couple of pairs of decent trainers. My hair is mid length - I look ridiculous with shorter and have no time for longer - but it only ever looks ok. When I’ve straightened my hair and put on some make-up and am wearing clothes that at least aren’t too bobbly, I guess I look ok if a little scruffy and overweight.

Where would you start? Money is not infinite but I could spend some if it would help. Time is very short, energy to make an effort is pretty much gone.

Sleep Deprivation is so hard

If you can afford it go and get gel nails 💅
It will give you 3-4 weeks of lovely nails and a nice boost everything you look at them.
Wear rubber gloves/ get a nice handcream

Stern bit now
How much support do you get?
Absolutely not negotiable to not bath or shower daily -I used to bath in the evening and wash my hair, nice bubble bath, body cream and book.
Apply face cream after
Just having that hour to myself to look forward too kept me sane.
Your DH/P needs to be on board with this, no coming in or you getting out to the DC.

I would get some simple clothes that are comfortable and fit you now -you can always chuck on Vinted once you lose.
I called this my uniform-simple but stylish
Black Jersey wide legs and a wide roll neck jumper

Water is great, herbal tea instead of caffeine

Daily
Tinted moisturiser, cream blush, eyebrow pencil ( get them done when you go for gels if needed) mascara and lip gloss
Earrings
Outfit
5 mins tops

Diet
Look at healthy family meals
Chicken pasta
Garlic prawn pasta
Meatballs
Loads of veg/ salad on the side
Yogurt and berries or banana if you want some sweetness.

The main thing is to keep something back for yourself and not rush to put everyone else first.
I was an exhausted mum of 2 and one day observed what DH did.
No question he would shower daily, rest, do things he liked, take care of himself so I decided that it would be non negotiable for me too- got myself gel nails and a new book !
All the best

I just wanted to come back here and say that the advice has helped. My big change is trying to look after my skin. Along with that I have been actually giving myself the two minutes to put a little make up on, and trying to make sure my hair is “done” even if not straightened. I realised I haven’t got the best attitude to this but it’s better than catching myself in the mirror and not recognising the haggard woman there.

I’ve also just been trying to make a tiny bit of effort when I leave the house to wear one bright thing, like a scarf or a nice top that isn’t navy or black. Those two things make a difference and I’m going to keep going back over the other tips and try to gently find a few good habits and pick a few new items out for my wardrobe.

Thank you all who replied, I genuinely found it helpful.

Get nails done
Threading/waxing
Good haircut
Buy the 2L water bottles and aim to finish daily
Try and walk more if you can : audiobooks are a huge help for me
Find instagrammers who you like and can copy styles off
Get a nice lipstick - i went and spent an hour in Boots as they have a gazillion brands
Wear perfume

I would buy some clothes that fit nicely and make you feel good. Do you work or are you at home with the kids mostly? Get something that works for the largest chunk of your time - that might be jeans and some pretty but casual tops for wrangling kids, or it might be something to make you feel more “done” at work. One of the mistakes I made was refusing to buy casual clothes and wearing the scruffiest of scruffy clothes at home, and also thinking I would slim back into eg jeans. Any clothes I bought were for work, which meant that I felt like crap every weekend and really struggled with confidence on play dates etc because I was trying to cram myself into stuff a size too small.

Oh my goodness, yes I hear you! Saving my decent stuff for work or occasional actual grown up social stuff means there is a big chunk of every week where I’m in what my mum would call gardening clothes!

I start my days walking dogs through muddy fields. My work also requires different types of clothing depending which job it is! I have to either accept multiple changes of clothes each day, or wear scruffy, muddy clothes all day every day, or be dressed somehow inappropriately. Since I started opting for the first, I’ve felt better and started enjoying my wardrobe again. I’ve decided that life’s way too short to save the best stuff for best. Wear and enjoy!

Thanks for that perspective. I hadn’t thought about the outfit change issue. It

I’ve definitely found since Covid/ pregnancy/ maternity/ BF/ middle age that my tolerance for uncomfortable clothes has gone down. So that’s having an effect too.

Thanks again all. I’m trying to keep it up. The nail varnish hasn’t quite managed to land on my nails, but a little make up every day and at least one bright thing (even if it’s a scarf) has.

Whilst I have all you lovely people giving advice.

Does anyone have any skincare advice? I’m very much a “wash with water and moisturise with the Clinique stuff that doesn’t irritate my skin and I’ve been using since i was a teenager” kind of person. I keep seeing all these things about retinol, tret, hyaluronic acid and collagen. How on earth do I choose something that will work but won’t make my sensitive skin worse, as all I see is advertising (I go red and break out if I use the wrong shampoo!)

Use an SPF that you like everyday. That's the easiest skincare that will actually do anything long term. There are plenty of options at various price points.

Some people will recommend tretonin but you can find yourself with flaky sore irritated skin for a long time before you see results. You'll also need a strong SPF to use with the tretonin.

I just wanted to thank everyone on this thread. I am slowly improving my diet and weight. And I have a skincare thing which seems to help, thanks to a Clarins bargain deal.

I still have a lot of scruffy days but my clothes are less tight and I feel better, and dare I say it look a little better. I have also bought a few nice items - just a nice jumper and pair of trousers, a couple of things in a larger size so I don’t feel uncomfortable in “real” clothes. I still wear leggings but not every day.

In really appreciate all the kind suggestions, advice and sympathy so thank you all.

That’s brilliant to hear OP and really nice to get an update! It’s great that you’re being so proactive to make the changes happen that you want to see - keep going! I’m really excited to hear another progress report in due course. Just think how you might feel by summer?! 🥰

Thanks @MakemineaGandT! I definitely have found that having better skin, on average, and not feeling like I’m being attacked by my clothes has improved things. A bit of skincare has really helped and a bit of makeup too. I haven’t cracked it, but I do feel more myself!