Help me understand how to dress myself nicely: size 12-14 on top with small boobs, 16 on bottoms, coming up to 40 tho don’t look it yet, lost my style 😔

[Wolffish]

Posted yesterday in an inappropriate place, been directed over here! Hope some of you can help me please!

Really struggling to look nice these days 😔
I’m coming up to 40 but look 10 years younger - baby (& very chubby) face! Also don’t live the lifestyle that many of the 40 y/os I know do (ie. no kids, no decent job, not great financial circumstances) and the reason why I mention this is that lifestyle can direct clothing choices. But I am really feeling fed up with not feeling nice in clothes.

I feel a bit lost because life for me has been hard for an extended period and realistically there won’t be many changes coming soon in terms of the stresses & strains. But at the same time I would really like to feel like I have a personal style of some sort to give me that little baseline of confidence if that makes sense?

I like to feel comfy,
I am wayyyy past that wearing things that feel physically uncomfortable stage (my teens & early 20s) so no clothes digging in, underwire, uncomfortable shoes or being cold due to not wearing enough!
I especially hate my big, fat upper arms, and how my back looks, and the layer of fat below my boobs & above my belly. Belly is big, thighs big & wobbly, boobs pretty small in comparison & one of them significantly smaller than the other 😅
Never been a full-face of makeup person & that will not change, would live pretty nails but have never had a salon manicure as cannot justify the funds (paint with normal
polish sometimes, sort of given up on that as it gets chipped so fast)

The clothes I was reaching for say 5 years ago I think make me look dumpy and frumpy (aware the latter is a controversial word but that’s how I feel!) and the things I wore 10 years ago aren’t right because they were for a slimmer figure and were a bit more aspirational to be honest…
Is there a way to be comfy and also look nice when you’re this age/shape??? And when not defined by say, being a professional person who needs to look elegant a lot of the time, a very social person who spends a lot of time wearing glamorous clothes, a sporty person who spends a lot of time in gym wear etc (where I live now lots of people dress like the latter)

I just want to look nice and like ‘me’ but I don’t know how to work out how to do these 😔

Also, the people who care about me wouldn’t say it, but when it comes down to it, by conventional beauty standards I am definitely not in any way a looker. Less obvious when I was 20 and slim & liked to show a bit of flesh, but more so now. I know looks aren’t the be all and end all but I am
struggling to reconcile myself to the fact at the moment that both my body and face are what people spend time, money & effort to change 😔 I’m not a big social media person but whenever I do look at plus size influencers etc they always have very very pretty faces! I do not and will not ever have that.

Sorry this got so waffley

Can I ask what you wear, for both casual and more dressed up, that you feel
nice in? Also any links to examples, or other words of wisdom, would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Why are you looking at plus size influencers? I mean, you can look at whatever you like - but you’ve said you’re a size 14/16 - so I’m not sure how they’re relevant to your own dressing?

Words of wisdom: Get A Weighted Hula Hoop. And use it. It will really help with the issues around your upper middle - and it’s fun.

Well, one I was directed to on here yesterday, although maybe I’m incorrect in calling her plus size. Another couple I have looked at from time to time because they are people with similar body shapes to me wearing clothes that I don’t, and I was looking for inspiration!

Your hula hoop tip is no doubt well intended but not what I was seeking, thanks
anyway!

bump

Try looking the the following on Instagram

@40plusnotgivingupyet - posts quite "everyday normal" clothes but quite tall

@becomfystyle - I think French - but lots of easy comfortable jeans/trainers - the loose jeans and comfy shirt/jumper styles are about the colour combinations not about your figure

@missy_elz - I think 30's but comfy style stuff

@wearsmymoney - 40's but with a bit of an edge

This isn't about hiding your figure, but realising you can have fun with clothes even when you aren't a skinny 20 something

Have a look at Grace Surguy and Jess C Hamilton on Insta. They are both average size (I think 12-14 and 10-12) and under 40 but very wearable for all ages.

I would resist the urge to focus on plus size or middle aged influencers. You are not that big or that old.

Blimey darling, you have told us so much about your body and how you perceive it to be sub-par and so little about what you like. Your body actually sounds quite normal, stop finding the faults and start looking for the good bits.

What colours do you feel good in, brights, pastel, sludgy colours, dainty prints or great big loud one?

Are you a skirt, dress or trouser person?

What are you going to do in your clothes, where are you going?

Have you taken your body to a real life shop and tried on a dozen pairs of jeans? Zara, Monki, MandS, New Look, Sainsburys basically anywhere that you can get to. Wear sensible knickers and easy on off shoes. Accept that three quarters of the jeans will just not be right, be brave concentrate on the good pairs. Midrise will probably be comfier.

Comfy wide legs https://www.marksandspencer.com/mid-rise-wide-leg-jeans-with-lyocell/p/clp60681832?color=DARKINDIGO

Low rise is nothing like it used to be https://www.monki.com/en_gbp/clothing/jeans/product.naoki-low-loose-jeans-blue.1250469004.html

Bootcuts have resurfaced https://www.zara.com/uk/en/zw-collection-bootcut-mid-waist-contour-jeans-p09632046.html?v1=423158079&v2=2419238

Add a t-shirt to suit https://www.riverisland.com/p/black-short-sleeved-batwing-t-shirt-920458 too plain or too busy https://www.loudelephant.com/collections/tops-blouses/products/wrap-top-with-bell-sleeve-retro-floral

A trapeze jacket will fit your shoulders and not gab at your hips like a blazer. https://www.cos.com/en_gbp/women/womenswear/coats-and-jackets/product.trapeze-utility-jacket-blue.1261868002.html

Dresses
Smart and sexy. The mad pattern will break up any lumps https://www.riverisland.com/p/cream-long-sleeve-tie-zebra-midi-shirt-dress-915931

Casual. Sorry about the polyester lining, but this style of dress drapes and flatters in a viscose while looking like a tent in a crisper cotton. Monsoon cut clothes for a smaller top and bigger bottom, so have a peep around the site. https://www.monsoon.co.uk/violet-check-bow-maxi-dress-black-10002950001.html

Criticise my suggestions like mad, It will help people to find stuff you might like.

I find the Melissa Morrell videos on YouTube and Instagram informative. She dresses all shapes and sizes and a range of clothing.