How to not look like a bag of hammers

[Tintackedsea]

I caught sight of myself in the mirror at 6pm this evening and it was Not Good. I'm all frizzy and frumpy and harassed. I don't feel like this inside. The picture of me in my head is professional and smart. The reality has made me quite sad. I was quite pretty in my youth and it feels as though I turned 40 and lost my looks practically overnight.

Much as I don't want to look like this I also Cannot Be Arsed. I am not going to dye my hair because I can't afford the time or the money. Losing weight is slow going.

Apart from those what is there?

I need easy fixes.

What do you do that makes you pretty post 40?

Greying or faded eyebrows is super simple to do at home - get some Eylure dye from Boots / Amazon and it takes about 10 minutes. Start light and go up a shade if need be.

(I also use it touch up fine hairline greys between hair colour)

I'm 41 and my hair looks awful atm. I have naturally wavy/borderline curly hair, but it always looks a bit messy whether I straighten it or scrunch it. Today I ended up putting it up and wearing a wide headband which helped a bit. Did I look nice? Probably not. But at least I didn't look messy or unprofessional

I use a wax hair stick when I put my hair up, really helps tame the flyaways!

I'm 56, and I don't feel this at all. I've been told by friends that I'm ageing backwards, which I'm happy to take tbh. I feel like I've got more time to look after myself in my 50s. I do pilates and look after my skin which I think works wonders. I use eborian Korean cc cream only really. Nothing very complicated as my skin is great nowadays.

I also use tret via Skin and Me. Here's my referral link for a free trial:

https://www.skinandme.com/?promocode=KATHC5VKH

I second this.

To be honest it doesn't sound as if you want to make much effort at all. To me hair is the star in all of this before all the rest.

Definitely tret if you don't already use it. Ask Monderma or Skin+Me for 0.025% strength, or you'll be given random other ingredients.

Some ideas for a Capsule wardrobe, if you stick to a colour palette that suits you it will all mix and match. Put together but not try-hard.

Tops
Flowy blouses
Relaxed button-down shirts
Fine-knit jumper

Bottoms
Tailored trousers (high-waisted, wide leg, or straight leg)
A-line or midi skirts (soft pleats or wrap styles)
Well-cut dark wash or black jeans (straight leg or wide leg)

Dresses that you feel good in (midi length, maybe shirt style for comfort and layering)

Layering Pieces
Structured blazer (relaxed fit, neutral tones)
Soft duster coat or trench coat
A chunkier jumper

Shoes
Quality flats
Block-heel Mary Janes type
Ankle boots

Accessories
Minimal jewellery (stud earrings, delicate necklace, simple bracelet)
Structured handbag (leather tote or satchel)
Silk scarves
Leather belt

I cut and dye my own hair, it's not expensive and doesn't take long.
Skincare and make up comes from Superdrug or Primark and takes minutes to do.
As for clothing just try and work out your style and trawl Vinted.....just don't dress like the no effort people you see in the street IYKWIM!

It isn't hard to make abit of an effort.

Thank you @AubernFable !

That is a really useful and helpful list. I really appreciate your practical and thoughtful suggestions.

F your hair is frizzy have you tried sleeping in a silk hair wrap or on a silk pillowcase?

Tbh if hair needs attention, then it's best to just get a decent but easily manageable cut done, even though you CBA. It will save you the extra time and effort you spend every day in trying to make it look okay.

Teeth, I'd recommend a hygienist appt. They'll do a proper scale and polish and it will be easier to keep them white and nice at home.

Just to mention, since you do curly girl, do you use a protein product? I find mine goes to shit if I don't use one every so often (once a week for me). It makes a massive difference to my hair when it's super frizzy.

I do get why getting your hair cut is off-putting as curly hair takes so much longer to grow back if they get a bit scissor happy.

I'm fairly low maintenance but do like to look as nice as I can.

Moisturiser morning & night.

Get eyebrows shaped by someone who knows what she's doing. This is quite cheap and great eyebrows tidy up & frame the face very effectively.

I don't wear much makeup but I love a light coverage, bit of blush and red lipstick when I fancy.

I do like perfume though and enjoy wearing it daily - makes me feel great and is super simple.

Have clothes you enjoy wearing & feel good in. This doesn't have to cost a lot. Only buy stuff you really like. And if you like it wear it.

Others wear sunscreen daily but I WFH and I only wear spf if I'm going to be outside for a while & I don't wear spf in the winter. I am ok with this.

I've started doing facial massage after I put my moisturiser on. But it's too early to report back on that. I've been doing some eye lifting massage for a while that does perk things up so encouraging the face to drain fluids etc does seem to be effective.

I just used Eyelure for the first time and I’m well pleased with it. I’m never organised enough to book an appointment.

Thanks for the tip about stray greys. I get my hair coloured every 3 months and around 6 weeks in there are a few greys that annoy me, but not enough to bring the colour forward.

Skin is ok. Not wrinkled. Not spotty. Few darker patches like joined up freckles. What sorts that out?

Definitely look at Skin & Me (someone has already posted you a referral code)
You can delay the second(3rd/4th) delivery (& charge) or space them further than monthly

I use a tube every 2-3 months

Also try the Audible version of Ultra Processed People - I am finding that a great coaching method of coaxing myself into better food choices (steering clear of upf)

I think hair is a big thing even if you let it go grey look after your curls, you say you don't have time but if you get up 15 to 20 minutes earlier and just use that time to look after yourself.
Get some curl enhancer (Aveda) there are lots of products, after you have washed cream your face and put on a little bit of mascara and lip gloss, job done.
If you're just brushing your curls it will look awful.
Every six weeks make time for a manicure and pedicure. You could even have your eyebrows and eyelashes tinted.
This should be your best time of your life, your children are not small your husband and yourself can have date nights.
You have got the time if you prioritise yourself a little.
As we get older we all need to make more of an effort.
I guarantee it will life you out of your rut and even though you say your marriage is good you will probably be even happier as you will be happier in yourself and it will shine through.

Also I forgot to say make sure you have a haircut every few months.

Thanks for this thread OP, I'm in a similar boat especially re: hair type. In my early thirties I got this Brazilian Conditioning treatment that transformed my hair for 3 months at a time and was so low-effort, but hairdressers seem to have stopped offering any of the treatments round my way now. I also have overplucked 90s eyebrows in the mix and the results of microblading seem so variable, I saw one woman recently with two very mismatched brows and it's put me right off!
Taking copious notes.

You sound just like me - also used to have brazilian treatment but can no longer afford it (£210 at last quote 2 years ago!) AND have the 90s over plucked eyebrows. I would love to get them sorted and some of the really good microblading looks amazing but as you say, it's so variable and I'm terrified I'll be left with 2 wonky slugs!!!

It sounds like your hair is amazing with curly girl method. I think you need a back up hair style. I have waves which I can usually refresh for a few days but sometimes they are flat and then I do a ponytail or a chic messy bun. The bun is basic and takes 1 min but I do look put together/professional and it's easy.

I completely get you. I mentally stopped aging at 25 and am not particularly vain so I do what I can and accept it but am often unpleasantly surprised by photos.

Hair makes such an impact. You don't have to colour it but if it can look healthy and shiny and styled it makes a big difference. I hate drying my hair but have found an extra few minutes with the GHD glide brush makes it look much more styled and lasts all day.

Clothes that fit and flatter your shape. To me it's getting the right colour and something that fits otherwise I have such a matronly busom! I do like a quality wool coat, can just chuck it over anything.

I use tret a few times a week, makes no difference as far as I can see but hopefully it's insurance for the future.

I do need to lose half a stone. It creaps on at this time of year and makes my clothes sit badly.

Have you tried:

• HRT
• Tretinoin 0.025% Monderma/SkinMe
• Teeth whitening (home kits are good)
• Botox (forehead and eye area)
• Dying your eyebrows and lashes

I would recommend these. Particularly HRT and Botox.

Crest professional effects whitening strips are brilliant, I do mine every 6 months and they go white, have US strength peroxide. Think it's about £30 every 6 months for 10 nightly treatments

I keep to my happy weight and invest in my hair. It's not easy, but for me takes a lot less time and effort than endless faffing round the edges trying to distract from the things that bother me most. If I get those two 'basics' under control everything else falls into place with minimal effort as my clothes look OK without a time consuming search for that elusive 'flattering' garment, and I feel comfortable casual with minimal grooming time required. Conversely if I feel those things are 'wrong' no amount of make up, nails, eyebrows etc is going to make me feel good.

I've nothing to add but as soon as I read 'bag of hammers' it reminded me of when the media referred to a well-covered famous person in too-tight leggings as 'looking like a bag of ferrets' - I check my rear view every day just in case 😊