Hair is basically f****d! How do I go back to dark hair without looking older?

[StrawHair25]

Hi,

So my hair is naturally dark brown, coarse, with around 20% grey now. I've got a growing out balayage, which is also been fried, thanks to my Dyson Airwrap. Supposed to be gentle on hair, but it really isn't. On the lower heat setting it just doesn't dry or smoothen my hair.

Anyway, it's in an absolute state tbh. I had another consultation with a new hairdresser this morning and she has advised a good cut (obviously!) an Innolux treatment, which definitely suits my hair better than Olaplex (not sure that hasn't added to the damage actually) and to cover my older straw balayage with something resembling my natural colour. My hair should undoubtedly look better, but I really don't think it's going to suit my face. I'm pale, but also 40 with ever increasing DARK circles and jowls 😒 so that contrast of dark hair and pale skin that once used to just look striking, now looks unflattering and witchy.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really 😬 I guess I was just wondering if it's possible to go dark with pale, aging skin and if so, how?

TIA

Hair can dry naturally which is best for it

and what do you mean by "smooth"? Is that really necessary? Are you trying to straighten frizz when you could be embracing a wave ?

If you are always fighting your natural hair tendencies then it will get in a bad state

I think leave your hair alone is the best thing for condition, have it cut regularly, use a good shampoo and conditioner, don't colour it or highlight it, put heat protection on when you dry it.

@towelsandsheets yes, you're right. The thing is, I just don't suit my natural curls. They're all over the place. Some areas are really curly, some wavy and some just pure cotton wool frizz. I always knew my hair would be taking a bit of a hammering, so always tried to use good quality products to minimise damage, but it's like it's just given up now 😔

I use airwrap and never have any issue you have. I suspect you leave it on your hair for far too long to try to achieve something that is difficult to do to start with. And that you might not be using the right products for your hair. But I could be wrong!

In terms of colour, can't you do some subtle highlights around your face to soften up the colour and blend in with the greys?

You will suit your curls and waves when you learn how to manage them and you hair will be in better condition

You will also need someone who can cut to the curl

It's hard to accept them in a world where straight hair is so dominant

Definitely start watching tutorials on YouTube for curly/ wavy hair and start trying out new products.
Im trying to embrace my natural hair day to day and save straightening and curling with tools for special occasions. I found the expensive merwaves products to be a bit rubbish for my hair. I now wash, put in leave in conditioner, add some Tigi Curls Amplifier and leave it to dry hanging down. When it’s almost dry, I add hair serum or argon oil to control the frizz. It looks thick and healthy but can be a little wild when I’m due a hair wash.
That’s got to be better than dry and damaged though.

www.amazon.co.uk/TIGI-Curls-Amplifier-Curly-Travel/dp/B08R4YZXTB/ref=asc_df_B08R4YZXTB?mcid=d530851bedc53445a8083b828f228d5e&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697291402990&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17933676009807965578&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9194566&hvtargid=pla-1316601304292&psc=1&gad_source=1

I really would be happy to embrace my curls - I did used to, but I've also lost quite a lot of hair due to iron deficiency and maybe perimenopause now. The problem is, I'm thinner at the top, so I would end up looking a bit Sideshow Bob now 😣

Thank you for all the advice so far btw.

Get your roots done to match your natural colour, have a cut and then leave it alone. Stop using heat and just start scrunching in abit of anti frizz/curly girl product and wear it up until the condition improves. I've been doing this for going on a year now and my hair looks so much better.

I've had exactly the same thing with the Dyson and had to stop using it now it made my hair so dry and frazzled. As did the olaplaex which I have also stopped. Leave your hair to dry naturally more and use a loads of deep conditioner with a shower cap over it, at least once a week. I'd do that first and have a cut, see how you feel about the colour later if unsure.

Also with the Dyson, I definitely wasn't using it too long. Any time it touches my hair it turns to straw.

Could you use some subtle blusher to give your face a bit of colour?

I've gone for highlights to blend the greys on mine, after years of menopause mahogany box dyes! I find my skin tone has changed with age along with hair colour, and the darker colours just made me look so washed out. The hairdresser uses about 3 different colours - bleach to give a white blonde and then a gold and a caramel colour. Then I've got the grey and some very dark brunette so it's lots of colours all blended in and no root regrowth. I get it done every 9 to 12 months.

I'm a lighter natural colour, wavy to curly, but I also just get a half head of mixed lights every six months on the lines that @rainythursdayontheavenue describes. I pay an absolute fortune for it imo but to me it's worth it. I also get a good cut every quarter. I use a pretty ordinary shampoo and conditioner every 3 days or so, but plenty of it, put it into a shape i like with fingers, and then just leave it to airdry. Ive done this for a while now so am pretty sure what to tell my hairdresser. Since I found my current colourist I've had a ton of compliments on my hair.

I've stopped wearing makeup almost completely as I think I don't know enough about using it to look good at my age, but if you do, it might be worth getting some update makeovers?

My hair sounds a bit like yours. I would not go dark that's just a pain with 20%grey, and doesn't look good as you get older. Go for grey blending instead, find someone who can do it well, teasy lights etc. For smoothing when I can be bothered (usually have hair tied back), I rough dry, then bayliss big brush for blow dry, then a little a little tongs for smoothing. Great thing about wiry greys is that a little hit tongs doesn't seem to damage them. And get K9 for the damage, use regularly, follow instructions.

The Dyson hair dryer didn't work with my daughter's curls.

Curly hair needs a lot of work, you don't need to buy loads of curl products but a good curl cream is a must.

Dd has really curly hair and it needs tlc every single morning. It's sprayed down with conditioner and water, brushed when wet only, curl cream applied and scrunched. Her hair is also put in a pineapple each night and she sleeps with a silk bonnet on to reduce frizz. I've tried a lot of different things over the years and that's been the best combination I've found for her but it's trial and error with the products.