Stuck in fashion “no-man’s-land”

[ThatNavyGoose]

I am turning 30 this year and looking forward to it in a very big way - I had my son when I was 24 and since then I’ve reflected and developed so much as a woman. I know what my goals are, I’m so proud of lifestyle changes I’ve made. I’ve never been happier or healthier and it’s been the product of lots of lows and hard work. And I am excited for all of that to carry on in my 30’s. BUT the thing I just cannot resolve on my own is buying clothes now. Before I had my son I had a very distinct style - skinny jeans, everything was so figure hugging it was borderline sprayed on. I look back and cringe now but I loved it at the time. None of that old style looks good anymore and even if my body still looked the same, I fundamentally don’t like it now. I look at the high street and feel stuck in a “no man’s land” in the middle - a lot of New Look/Zara/H&M’s stuff I find too young or just very samey, lots of neutrals and matching sets which isn’t for me. But I equally don’t feel anywhere near old enough for shops like Boden or Debenhams, I personally find the patterns/styles too frumpy. I try and push the boat out and try ‘young’ things (like a pair of leopard print jeans I bought on a whim and look absolutely shocking in). I don’t know what to do - recommendations on how to find a style and also shops for early 30’s because I currently live in leggings and a jumper!

My 30 something daughter likes fat face if it helps. I believe Pinterest and Vinted are your friends! Try stuff out

It sounds as if you’ve become completely unaware of the infinite style options available to you. (I’m trying not to laugh at the idea that everyone over some unspecified age shops at Boden and Debenhams. I’m over 60 and haven’t bought any item of clothing at the latter since the 90s. And I’ve only ever bought the odd thing for a child at the former.)

You’ll find some time spent on a really good curated site like Collagerie useful - wide variety of brands from the cheapest up to couture.

https://www.collagerie.com

Wow I’m not sure how you’re unaware of the massive amount of choice there is!

I’m in my 30s, friends and I shop for brands like American Vintage, Sézane, &Other Stories, Cos, Arket, Kooples, Maje, Sessun, Aligne, Ganni, Bellerose, Seventy + Mochi, Kitri, Rixo, Rouje, Reformation.

Often buy those brands on Vinted rather than new too.

You might want to just browse Net a Porter, Outnet, Liberty, Selfridges, etc and get a sense of a load of different brands.

Boden or Debenhams once you turn 30- who knew.

These are 3 independent boutiques I like. 2 stock various brands, some of which have been mentioned. The third stocks its own. They are a drop in the ocean of what's available.

Frontiers
Biscuit
Colenimo

I think what you need to do darling is have a conversation with yourself about who you actually are.

You're not a woman on the cusp of Boden.

You're a woman with desires about yourself.

So who is that woman?

She doesn't have to be anything. It's not a binary young/old, Boden/H&M.

That sort of thinking will get you nowhere.

You're 29, a glorious age.

But you had a child quite young in today's matrices.

That can cause a little confusion of thought.

You do not have to be what the world says you do.

You obviously know who you are in so many ways. You don't have to be confused about what you wear.

I'm really interested in clothes and fashion, and how I present myself to the world. But not because I care about other people's opinion, but because I'm really interested in individual women and how they tell the world meet them.

And I will always look at the world and say 'what?'

And the world may look back at me and say;

'Fuck off'.

But ask the question.

Be bold.

I have a lot of sympathy for young mums trying to discover clothes all over again.

I have very little sympathy with the idea - and this isn't the first time I've seen it on here - that 30 is a difficult age for shopping. From where I'm sitting, most of the high street wants to dress you.

I'd have loved this site when I had a small child, a limited budget and little or no time to shop. It's an edit of what's new on the high street - doesn't capture all brands but a lot of the big hitters are there - plus some magasine-ish articles. You can set price limits although I don't know if it sorts by age. There are probably others but this is the one I've seen recommended the most. Good luck.
https://newin.style/

You know Flo.

I love you.

Agree.

Wholeheartedly.

I'm 48 but kind of relate. Some of the high street is very samey these days. Baggy co-ords and neutrals. It's harder to find colours and when you do they can be a bit snazzy or jazzy, neither of which I'm going for. The clothes can be so over sized that they swamp me and make me look more masculine than I like. (I think others look fine). There's also a lot of cheap shit around.

I think Mango is quite good for striking a balance. There's also a LOT in Zara so it's worth looking in depth. I find the stores much better than the website.

I think you would probably benefit from a colour and style analysis, then you'd know what your goals are in this area too.

Well firstly, congrats on all of the changes you have made in your life - you sound like you really know what you want.

When deciding what to buy you need to work out what type of clothing you need - eg dog waking? Running ? Going to the gym? New job? Corporate job or medical with a uniform?

Then you decide what type of clothes you like - high neck? Fluffy wool? Silky shirts; loose cut or tight fitting?

This will stop you buying things you won’t wear - ex:
I cannot wear scratchy wool or high necks so I don’t buy them - even if they are the perfect colour or the perfect match for a skirt or jeans;

I do not wear pale coloured trousers, ever. I have a dog and I am clumsy so either the dog or I will get dirt on the trousers. My best friend wears white suits to work - even pre kids and dog I could never, ever do that.

By working out some of these, you will gradually get closer to ‘your’ style, the most stylish people are firstly, comfortable in their clothes and secondly, dressed for what they are doing!

Try not to limit yourself based on age or what you see other people wearing. Personal style is going to look different for everyone and TBH there has never been a better time to branch out as fashion is alot less restrictive these days.

I recently lost alot of weight in my 50s and whilst I know what would be the conventional choices for someone like me Im just not drawn to it.
I much prefer retro, alternative styles with patterns and colours....so thats what I wear!

This. I am 50 and I shop from the above brands.

i do have a couple of shirts from Boden but they are very plain. The prints are just not me.

I do not buy much low end high street as the quality is shite.

However I keep liking what M and S is doing. Have recently bought some barrel leg jeans and a striped ribbed top.

What is your style, who looks good in the public eye? I love the new stylings of Jennifer Lawrence, very understated luxury a la the Row.

Today I am in the office-
Black Chelsea boot DMs
Black Levis- slim mom
Leopard print shirt- &other stories
Knitted vest over the top- MandS

Shops
&other stories
Massimo Dutti
The Kooples
Anthropologie
Arket
Mango
Sezanne
Monki

Let's chuck age out of the window for a moment and think instead about..

What role do you want clothes to play in your life? Should they be purely functional and utilitarian or does style also matter to you (I'm guessing the latter given the info in your OP)?

Do you have any kind of inherent tastes that we need to be aware of (often these extended beyond our clothing and can be seen in how we furnish our homes, where we holiday, how we dress our kids etc). Are you a bohemian Bristol type for example, or do you love gloss and glamour (again I imagine you probably lean towards the latter if you previous enjoyed body-con)?

When you walk into a room what impression do you want to give of yourself? Breezy and aloof as if you've just thrown your outfit together or do you want to look well groomed and put together? I don't mean to make these sound like binary choice btw, they're just some prompts to help guide your thinking.

Might also be worth thinking about any celebrities/ public figures whose style you admire.