Help please:hairdressers/people with long thick hair

[Caledontroad]

I need some help please. I’ve never had long, thick hair so haven’t a clue and I’m at my wits end. Brushing out the insane tangles in my 11 year old’s long hair takes me about 2 hours and is physically and mentally exhausting. It’s so painful for her and obviously I hate hurting her. We’ve tried lots-different brushes, different shampoos, different conditioners. Nothing seems to help. She brushes it herself but can’t do it properly as it’s just so long and thick. She’s adamant she won’t cut it.

What else can I do? Is it possible to get long hair thinned? Is there a magic conditioner I haven’t tried? Is there a special towel that prevents tangles after she gets out of the shower? Should she just never wear it down?

Worth bringing her to a good professional hair salon. I was in a similar place a few years ago. I went to a great hairdresser in a salon who really thinned my hair out while keeping the lenght. She suggested a leave in conditioner that worked wonders

Sections and a very wide tooth comb also helped. Also be mindful of how she washes her hair. Be careful not to rub the hair in circles and pat to dry rather than rubbing

Following the curly girl method might help - no sulphate or silicones - and using a good conditioner.
I add conditioner to water and spray the hair before brushing to help get the tangles out. Make sure it’s plaited in bed and try a silk bonnet or pillowcase to prevent knots.
We like the noughty range - particularly frizz magic shampoo and conditioner but it may be a case of finding the right one for your DDs hair. Good luck!

Me and (adult) DD have the same hair, could brush it out perfectly but 10 minutes later there's tangles!
Braids/plaits as much as possible as the more it's worn down the more it tangles.
Brushing during the day and before bed will help too.
Regular trims if possible although if funds are tight this can be done at home.
Despite this though we both have long hair!

I used to have very long thick hair that would always get badly tangled. Eventually I cut it a bit shorter when it became unmanageable. Once I got rid of all the split ends it was much much better. Now I brush it through in the shower while the conditioner is in and then again after towel drying and that keeps most of the tangles at bay.

Oh and another thing. If she doesn't want to lose the length then getting layers cut in will help take out some of the thickness and will get rid of a lot of the split ends. This is what I do as otherwise I find my hair is way too thick and heavy.

My DD and I both have very thick hair, hers is thicker than mine. When she was 10/11 we realised there was a key length and if her hair went longer than that it was an absolute bloody nightmare. Tangled to death. So we kept it just below shoulders till she got older. Now, it is long, she washes it, lots of conditioner, a detangling spray or leave in conditioner. She straightens it now (she is 15) and can wear it down or in a ponytail when straightened. Otherwise it is pulled Into a bun. She hates her hair. But actually it is glorious.

Get the split ends cut out
Hair thinning done
Then use leave in conditiiner each week.
Each night brush hair before bed and pop the hair in a plait.
Silk pillow case also helps

My hair has always been super thick and i still have flash backs of my mum hurting me with mine. When you brush it. Do it slowly, in sections and hold her hair at the top when you pull down. Also you might want to look at the type of brush you use.

My daughter's hair is thick and wavy. We use Mane and Tail.

This brush changed my life

https://www.oliviagarden.eu/en/catalog/hairbrushes/fingerbrush/

Also, at night put in a loose plait. Or if it's like mine and so thick that's uncomfortable to sleep on, in a loose pineapple ponytail on top of her head.

I use purology shampoo and conditioner, the purple one. Expensive but concentrated so lasts ages.

After washing put some moisturising stuff in it, eg Lush revive or any curl cream. Just a little bit. I also use a curl gel but not essential.

Brush or comb only when wet if it's curly. In the shower with conditioner on and just after getting out.

Get it cut if the ends feel particularly dry and tangled. Cut should have very gradual layers.

I’m so grateful to each of you for your replies. I went through them with DD and I think she was really happy to have so many people helping her!
I should have said her hair is straight-@FlickFlackTrap not sure if curly girl still worth a try?
@Oceangrey I'm up for trying the brush- were you able to get it in the UK (if that’s where you are) if so where?
@Giraff3 and @FlickFlackTrap I’ll get her a silk pillowcase thanks!
@purplecorkheart how do you shampoo your hair not in circles? I’ve short hair so it’s what I do instinctively and cannot think how else you’d go about it!

My DD has long thick hair that easily tangles. She had it just below the shoulders for years as it was easier to manage and regular haircuts - they put layers in so it sat nicely and it also helps with the tangling.
We use and she still uses scrunchies rather than elastics when tying up hair, they don’t get caught or stuck. Leave in conditioner was a godsend. Now older she can manage it and it’s longer.

The brush is available online, probably in shops too but I'm not sure.

My 11yo dd has the same type of hair. It's straight but the underneath layer is slightly wavy. It's an absolute nightmare as it mats underneath throughout the day. She won't get it cut or wear it up so we have to brush all the mats out constantly and it's awful!!

It's worse after it's been washed. You can brush all the tangles out of a section then 1 minute later it's somehow all tangled again.

Sorry I have no advice but just wanted to say I understand the pain.

Oh @snoopysnoooper thanks for feeling my pain and right back at you…my DD’s hair is so beautiful-underneath though, as with your DD’s is very slightly wavy and gets so matted. Sometimes I think I’ll have to cut bits out but haven’t yet resorted to that.
I’m excited to try all the great tips from the wise people on this thread! Thanks again all!

Try the revlon unique one spray.

I have really knotty hair too and the brush just glides through with a few spritz.

My (now adult) children and I have always used Mason Pearson hairbrushes. They are great - cost silly money but last for donkey's years (I think I have had my present one over 20 years now).
https://masonpearson.com/

This is what I use on my DD's hair and it's probably the best thing I've tried but it's still a nightmare even after using it 😩

@Caledontroad one thing we haven't tried is a silk/satin pillowcase. My dd is autistic and would hate the feel of it but might be worth a try for yours!

I have this hair, as does my daughter. The trick is to comb through with lots of conditioner whilst washing. Then just squeeze out the water and wrap in a towel. Either braid or blow dry. Sleep with it up or braided. The wet brush is the best best best for brushing through conditioner and for easing out tangles. I’m trying to teach my daughter to brush regularly and she’s now doing the conditioner brush thing herself too. She’s ten. This brush though, game changing https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wet-Brush-Hair-Shower-Detangler/dp/B07ZGGWSF6/ref=mp_s_a_1_18?adgrpid=56010953194&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.5euMQkvgWiLjYIxO4Wj1DaPQkUuLuDO801d7zGM6BqYhDt46FAJNGpddDUFUqPphVnu8oQIgWd-hxKeDeImf6KvANwG5vpQAjdyQnh6QP64nUpeb3MfmY14JUWFs7qDEguQJSA1Sd48earIx7ft2vdpyo1_9JmMU8cN7p-m1t8RiP6LfyNI1HuaKemEDinlJDO6j_2bjCD3TKubL97Ia_g.WIbaqjJ1PIJadkmzS_IUvhWyWMQ280jFXDpaWDYGeJo&dib_tag=se&hvadid=606208158915&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9189182&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=11202447361220954278&hvtargid=kwd-360999782157&hydadcr=11010_2164706&keywords=wet+brush&nsdOptOutParam=true&qid=1736291108&refinements=p_85%3A20930949031&rps=1&sr=8-18&xpid=044TAm9xj_Mh5

My daughter and I both have long thick hair. Here's what works for us:

1 - Tangle Teezer Brush
Preferably the one with a handle. This works wonders and is so much less painful than an ordinary brush.

2 - tons of conditioner
No need to leave it on (makes no difference), just rinse straight off. Hair masks are even better than conditioners if you don't mind the extra cost.

3 - beware of certain clothes/accessories
Things like wool coats, fluffy scarves or high collars can cause knots at the nape of the neck, the worst place to get tangles!

I have very thick wavy/ curly hair that I don't brush every day if I style it curly and is mess with knots and hair products when washing day comes round.

My trick is to gently shampoo the roots without doing in circles as mentioned upthread, small comb like motions instead. Rinse and whack on lots of conditioner all over and brush through gently under the shower whilst rinsing with a spiral brush, this does take ages but it gently gets out all the knots, the water direction helps. I usually wrap in turban to towel dry, (don't roughly rub with towel) before styling curly or straight.

Agree with silk pillowcase and layered / thinned out hairstyles to help.