HELP! How to tame my wildlings hair?

[ljbmum76]

I have 2 DDs aged 7 and 9. Both have beautiful curly ginger hair. Ringlets rather than tight curls. Most to the time they look like they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.

I have straight hair and am clueless how to deal with theirs. The curls come from their dad not me and he’s always kept his hair as short as possible so is no help.

On top of that their hair is different to each others. One has darker thicker hair that never seems to get dirty and doesn’t get nearly as tangly. Then other has lighter finer hair that gets extremely tangly and she wakes up most morning in a matted mess. Hers is also much greasier looking dirty 2-3 days after washing it. the screams when I try to comb out the tangles 😭

So oh wise mumsnetters please help me know how best to deal with their hair. They won’t let me cut it. Don’t like it being plaited for bed. Insist on using Squishmallows as pillows essentially back combing their hair as they toss and turn through the night.

Advice on the best products to use, shampoo, conditioner, how best to detangle, combs, brushes, hairdryers. How to get them interested and cooperative. I am hoping if I can get it into better condition they might take a bit more pride in it and be willing to look after it.

Over to you.

Mine have hair a bit like this although not as curly.

I can’t help with how to persuade them but plaiting at night makes a huge difference here, especially for my younger one who has the fine, easily matted, needs washing often hair type. It doesn’t have to be a tight plait, a loose one does the job and is comfier to sleep on.

The drier, thicker coarser hair (my eldest has this) needs more conditioner and less shampoo. Shampoo maybe once a week and only at the roots. Rest of the time just wash with conditioner. Spray in conditioner really helps. I want to try argan oil on her but haven’t yet.

The finer, easily tangled & goes oily hair type needs shampoo every other day and conditioner only on the ends. No other product, spray in conditioner just makes it look lank IME.

Don’t try to brush when wet, it’s a disaster. If it’s really tangled it’s best to wait till dry and then tease out the worst tangles with fingers before brushing.

Tangle teezers work fairly well for us but I’ve seen lots of recommendations for wet brushes, not sure if that is a brand or a brush type!

The curly girl method has some good ideas, but is a bit of a rabbithole and can lead to lots of products or a complicated routine. Different hair responds to different things, so you might need to experiment. To stop tangles, it doesn't have to be plaits, but wearing it up or a silk bonnet can help. Detangle when wet when you wash, with conditioner with lots of "slip" and a wide-toothed comb or paddle brush. This makes it easier and minimises damage.

Silk pillowcase. Put it over the squish mallows. Silk bonnets are good if you can persuade them to wear one. We got a cheap hair mister from Amazon for £5. I put in water and some of that L'Oreal Wonder Water conditioner. A few sprays and it makes it really easy to detangle.

@minipie is right about greasier hair wanting more shampoo and less conditioner and drier wanting less shampoo and more conditioner (my hair is the latter). I think you may well have to experiment with products, as it's very personal.

I would try the tangle teezer and brush when wet, with lots of conditioner to ease out the tangles and then loose plait

This is from someone whose childhood was spent being chased around the house with a hairbrush

Have a look at the Curly Ellie website some good advice there and they do a range of curl friendly shampoo/conditioner/detanglers for kids.

Silk pillowcases are good as are bonnets and as a curly myself even a very high ponytail with a silk scrunchie at night will massively help with tangles. Specially those at the base of the neck.

Detangle with conditioner on only (wide tooth comb) and better to wash/detangle more frequently than let it get too knotty as brushing their hair dry will make their hair look like it’s been electrocuted: a look that will make them hate their lovely curls.

A bit of curl cream on damp hair should help with knots and frizz too. Don’t go for complicated hair styling curly routines, but to avoid frizz after washing and applying curl cream you could use an old t shirt instead of towels that easily cause frizz before curls even have a chance to dry
In winter if you dry their hair with a hairdryer use a diffuser=game changer for frizz free curls.

I'd also recommend Curly Ellie for both products and advice.

Curls can be an absolute rabbit hole for advice/techniques/products but the basics are always don't brush, use a wide toothed comb, use loads and loads of conditioner and dry with a diffuser.

The best way to get them interested is probably to find a curly hair influencer on Tiktok with similar hair to them.

The new tangle teezer spray is amazing!

And I see the brand CE offers free advice for parents of Curlies if you email them
https://www.curlyellie.com/blogs/news/curlyellie-introduces-curlbuddy

They seem to have a sale on atm so you could buy their trial sizes. My curly hairdresser uses their shampoo and highly rates the range (personally I use other curly brands but may be tempted now there’s a sale on)
I hope this helps, as a child my mum didnt understand my curly/wavy hair which caused me to hate my hair throughout my teens and even damage it with chemical straightening treatments till I learnt to look after it and the amount of compliments I get for my hair now after 40+ years of being naturally curly is worth the education of how to take care of it. It’s very hassle free and easy once you know how.

My dd has similar hair, plaiting is your friend. Never brush dry, use a wide toothed comb.

Also if you can find a hairdresser with similar hair go to them and get lessons in how to wrangle their hair- honestly you will find it to be like therapy!

Another one whose mother did not know how to deal with curly hair. There was no conditioner and the tangles and knots hurt!

Wrap in a t-shirt or microfibre towel/turban (amazon do these) rather than rough up the cuticles with an ordinary towel, take out the dampness with diffuser on cool setting - I never completely dry as my hair fluffs up horribly.

Plait their hair before bed. When you’re styling in the morning a spray of a light conditioner or water and some leave in conditioner. Just enough to give their hair some slick. You don’t want to weigh it down. I love the cantu range and really reasonable on Amazon. Stay away from too much heat. I tend to leave my DDs hair to dry naturally but if I do use a hair dryer it’s only to take the heavy wet out. I never fully dry. As a curly hair lady who’s passed them onto her daughters it’s all about reducing frizz

https://amzn.eu/d/2A8yCpj

Oh and the trick for me is not to let it get tangled before hand but u find the tangle freezer with the handle the best one for dealing with any snags in the hair. That and damp hair. Don’t try to dry brush it

Definitely a hairdresser who can handle curly hair.

So many times I've been to a hairdresser and they have had to scramble in a back room to find a diffuser. It's always a bad hair cut.

You need someone that has actually trained to do curly hair. Mine don't do dry cuts, which are meant to be the holy grail of curly cuts, but they do know how to handle curls properly.

Thanks everyone for the help!

Curly Girl methods. Loads of influencers to follow. Try a few variations to see what works best.

Always always always use SLS free products.
More conditioner than you think you can possibly need, applied to soaking wet hair and either bowl method or leave in. Comb through and help form curls when wet (I use the twist round finger method but there's a few to try)
Microploppingwith microfibre head towels can help reduce frizz.
You'll need to try curl crème/gel/mousse to see what works best.
Always diffuse to dry, not too much direct heat.

Silk pillowcases can help. I'm guessing they wouldn't go for bonnets yet but worth bearing in mind.

Next day, dampen with a spray mix of water and conditioner and comb through, starting from the bottom and working up rather than dragging from the scalp down.

From a curly girl who went through hell as a child!