PLEASE help me up my game

[macaroonsandgin]

I am so sick of feeling rubbish about the way I look. I feel like I hate 90% of my clothes. I think I look dumpy and stumpy in basically everything I wear.

(I think this probably part of a bigger thing of everything having gone to pot a bit since having kids, plus my body shape is now different and it feels like everything I used to wear now looks so dated.)

I default to wearing the same few, incredibly safe, things, and I have lost such a lot of my love for clothes or just looking after the way I look in general.

Please help me!!! I will take on literally any advice offered. Willing to try anything at this point.

I could have written this myself.

I've been overweight since I was 30, now decades ago, and have just started the weightloss injections. I've lost nearly 3.5 stone and have 1.5 or so to go. I have no idea how I want to look now. I used to really love clothes but of course I'm decades older and even when I lose all the weight I'll never be the same shape, so I have absolutely no idea what will suit me.

How old are you? What did you used to love wearing?

Have you seen this thread? How much did you pay for your outfit that you are wearing today cost? | Mumsnet

I used to love the threads where posters said what they were wearing that day - they'd often put photos up, too - I love those threads. I hope someone who was on them will be able to remind me of the thread titles so I can go back and have a look.

@MounjaroUser thank you so much for your reply, what you said really resonated with me about having both no idea what would suit me and also what I even want to look like. I hope the journey you are on is taking you where you want to go (I always hesitate to say congratulations to people when they talk about their weight loss as I don’t always know if people want to hear that or think of it that way at all, but if that applies to you then please know it is truly meant!)

Pre kids I suppose you could say I dressed quite androgynously (although I don’t think I would have labelled it as such) - button up shirt, skinny jeans, big boots, leather jacket or variations on that. I think it somehow didn’t look too cartoonish as I’m short (5ft) and back then wasn’t carrying loads of extra weight so I think as my frame was more delicate it was somehow balanced out.

now I think I’d frankly look ridiculous if I wore that - and I also wonder whether I somehow now want to lean into femininity a bit more (as I’m older, and I think becoming a parent has maybe knocked off some of my harder edges)!

I reckon dressing a bit more ‘feminine’ (I’m really unsure if that’s the right term but I can’t think of a better way to put it) might help me feel a bit better about the changes in my body shape, like I’m not just trying and failing at the old style, but I have literally no idea where to start and also don’t want to go too far the other way and end up looking like a parody and feeling really uncomfortable in my clothes!!!

sorry that turned into a bit of an essay, just still struggling to process how much pregnancy/young kids has done a number on my body and mind…

And oops, I’m mid 30s

I don't follow anyone on Instagram but Silverkat is the only 1 I've seen mentioned on here who has impressed me.

Her selling point is clothes for over 50s - so older than you- but she doesn't think that means the horrors often suggested on here as suitable for older women.

There's very few outfits of hers I don't like and her choices are perfectly fine for , well anyone who isn't a teenager or dead. She might give you some ideas.

The Silverkat

I think the best way to start is to get a hairstyle you're happy with (the holy grail!) and work out which colours suit you. Then maybe look at whether you're wearing the right bra and whether you're taking good enough care of your skin.

What kind of situations do you need clothes for? Do you work from home or outside the house? Do you do anything socially?

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle Thanks for that instagram link - she looks amazing!

I follow Silverkat as well, and look to her for ageless inspiration. I find her outfits are a bit more casual and wearable for daily life than most influencers.

Macaroonsandgin, if you are near a larger city, a department store will have personal shoppers who can assist you with some style advice. Or maybe wander and window shop, find a mannequin dressed in something you find suitable, and copy it. It may be a bit more expensive buying a whole outfit, but you will get a few separates you can use to build your wardrobe.

Oh, and as for your weight, dress for the body you have, not the body you want. If you lose some weight in future, then good for you; buy another new outfit. But it's important to have clothing that you feel nice in and suit you without being uncomfortable or tight.

If you like that style why not look in All Saints?

Chunky low heels might help you feel better.

If I wear unfeminine clothes, like heavy denim dungarees, I always wear make up and try to show a little ankle or something, just to higlight something slim and delicate.

Could you wear some dainty gold chain jewellery on your wrists or a longer layer necklace? X

Thank you so much everyone for all the replies, I think I was at some kind of real low point of blah-ness when I posted yesterday!!

I liked the instagram account suggested by a couple of you, LOVED the red suit she is wearing in one of the posts. It really struck me when I saw it how much I loved it (I love red and I love tailoring) and then immediately thought 'oh I could never get away with that'. Any tips on how to give less of a f about what other people think welcome.

Also thank you for the reminders re jewellery, I do have some nice things that again I think I've got out of the habit of wearing because I've neglected myself a bit.

I may try a personal shopping thing at John Lewis or somewhere next time I'm in London with some free time. (Unless there's somewhere else I'd be likely to get a better result??)

@MounjaroUser I work in healthcare (but in the community so no uniform). I guess it's smart casual but on the casual end, which would probably be about the level of smartness I'd try for on weekends/days off. I do (once in a blue moon) get out with friends/DH and I think my date night outfits could do with a spruce, but it's really my day-to-day look that I think just feels so tired and meh...

Any tips on how to give less of a f about what other people think welcome.

It's easy to say- but have confidence in your choices- or if you're taking tips from a good stylist like the Silverkat- her choices. She knows what she's talking about and brands have confidence in her.

This linen skirt for example on the brand's website you (general you) might think "love that, but how and when would I wear an enormous floofy linen skirt with a huge bow?"

Kindred of Ireland

Here's her wearing it-
Kindred skirt navy
Kindred skirt navy 2

The other thing is, I have clothes I love which have been ridiculed on here- in real life, they get loads of compliments- not just friends but work colleagues and random strangers.

Have you considered a session with an image consultant. She would advise you about colours that suit you and how to put clothes together. It might be helpful.

My body shape and weight changed a lot after my pregnancies. Whilst I did have clothes I really liked, I also for some reason, also wore clothing I didn't like. Why? For me, what brought about change was the pandemic. For some reason that gave me the headspace to really get rid of the things I didn't like. I stopped buying that crap too. I only buy things and only wear things I love now. I never buy something that "will do" or is just OK.

I feel like a teenager again when it comes to getting dressed, in that I feel free to be fun and creative and really enjoy my clothes. I think it's hard when we're busy and have other priorities. That's understandable. But for me, it did used to really knock my self esteem to wear things I didn't like. As if it was a knock at my pride. I know that sounds like a lot of pressure, for my clothing to be a statement of my self esteem, but that's how it is for me. And the solution was so simple. Stop wearing things that don't make me feel good. It's a big task, but can you go through all your things and really get rid of things that don't make you feel good?

My tips are - think long term, build a wardrobe around basic neutrals (boring but works).

Also start with underwear (and hair as PP mentioned). Underwear is the foundation 😀 I had a bra analysis with Bella Rosa Lingerie and invested in a some everyday and some nicer bras - I now know my proper size which makes a big difference in bra shopping.

I also had my colours done which made a huge difference - I don't need to spend a lot, but I'm extremely confident about what I buy - I know in a second in a shop if its the kind of beige that will make me look blah and washed out, or the kind of beige that suits me 😀

I have been overweight since I had my 3. I'm 38, youngest is now at preschool and I decided to make changes. I used mounjaro to kick-start my weight loss for 4 months. I'm now off it and still losing weight through diet and exercise. I joined the advent calendar thread and picked some up to try a bunch of different skincare brands to find out what I like and dislike. My skin is better than ever and I cleanse, tone and moisturise morning and evening. I do a face mask once a week. I keep my nails short but neat and am taking the time to file and polish.

Clothes wise I've donated what no longer fits including my old size 8 clothes. I'm dressing for the body I have now which is a pear shape. I am going for more of a capsule wardobe and am mixing and matching clothes. It doesn't have to be all black and beige but it's a start and I've added in colours I know suit me. I've still got a long way to go weight wise so haven't spent lots but am thinking about styling more. I've invested in 3 good quality handbags.

For me I'm just taking the time to invest in myself again.

I loved those threads too! I think it was a poster called EllaPaella that kept them going?

Here's an old one:

What are you wearing today? Autumn/Winter 2022 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/styleandd_beauty/4673353-what-are-you-wearing-today-autumnwinter-2022