Help me look better please! Early/mid 40s 🙏🏻

[AnonyMouse80]

A cry for help.

I’m an older mum, little boy about to turn 3, and I feel like I’ve morphed into a frumpy middle aged woman. I’ve always been very low maintenance, but wore nice dresses (I guess kind of a vintagey look), heels and was slimmer and younger!

Now:

• I don’t wear heels and don’t want to. Boots and trainers more my thing.
• I don’t fit any of my nice clothes and dresses not that practical for running after pre schooler (I still work but mostly WFH)
• My brown hair is very greying, I’ve given up dying and don’t want to go back. It’s going curlier which I like but frizzy which I don’t because it often looks messy. I guess I don’t know what to do with it and I’m rushed. It’s shoulder length.
• I’ve never been great with makeup and could do with a refresh here. Needs to be simple - think fingers and crayons rather than brushes! Base is fine, I use Nars tinted moisturiser and a bobbi brown colour corrector. Rest needs work. I have hooded eyes. Green eyes.
• I think I have the products I need to up my skincare routine it’s just about sticking to it.
• I’m a bit overweight - 72kg and 170cm- hourglass/pear.

I just want to look more put together and like I care about myself and haven’t given up :(

Please don’t tell me to Botox. I can’t justify the money and also it upsets me that we’re forgetting what a normal woman in her 40s and 50s looks like. I want to Kate Winslet or Emma Thompson it through my ageing.

Easy makeup tips?
Simple hair routine for a wavy/frizzy lob?
Style advice? I’m leaning into chunky boots at the moment. I like a vintagey look, but also like the smart/outdoorsy look too which is practical for me right now.

I think to feel better perhaps think about how you style your clothes, if you don’t already. Don’t just throw on a jumper and jeans for example, but think about a good belt and jewellery. Maybe tucking in a jumper not leaving it to hang. Or having a nice collar underneath. Select an outfit the night before. And when it comes to shoes, perhaps again slightly more thought into different toe shapes for boots and colours to tie and outfit together.
Getting some more exercise or fresh air always makes me feel better about myself. Even if it means being on a conference call whilst on a walk, if that works for your job. Extra steps will help perhaps reduce weight as you suggest that’s a concern of yours. Good luck!

I agree with some of the op on weight. I don't do kg so I've had to look it up, I am 170cm and 69kg and I'm a size 10-12 hourglass. I'd like to lose some weight but I'm not overweight and have a flat stomach and no muffin top. So, what issues do you have with your clothed body? Do you have bits that bulge? Struggle to get clothes that got your waist or boobs?

Your hair texture is very similar to mine. I love it in loose defined waves but the issue with that is you can't 'repair' it once it goes frizzy/flat, you have to rewash it. I do a kind of curly girl method, wash and dry with non silicone shampoos, don't towel dry and apply a lot of umberto Gianni pink curl gel then comb with wide tooth comb and gently scrunch the water out and leave to air dry. It looks lovely and is very quick. Your colour is lovely, maybe get a gloss treatment to make it shine.

I vote for you buying some new clothes! Decent jeans with clean chunky trainers and boots are maybe dull but practical and ageless. For daily wear I'd team with fine knits and add interest with belt or jewelry or a fine scarf.

Get your brows and lashes dyed. Find a lip liner that matches your lips and use that and a gloss/balm.

Tret is possibly the best single skincare you could go with. I use skin and me prescription.

I don't feel like you have far to go tbh. Go shopping, do your hair, have some fun.

This lady has a great YouTube channel with tips for personal styling - found it useful. https://youtube.com/@mmpersonalstyling?si=xwZlVZ3RrYXHSZyw

I do love your hair, btw, OP. With grey hair I agree with the poster who said to find out what palette REALLY suits your skin tone, and then stick with it. Also probably no grey, black or brown any more.

So instead of the grey fairisle jumper I think you're wearing in the photo, this yellow one (it is showing the brown in the preview - NOT BROWN! - yellow):

https://www.seasaltcornwall.com/spruce-frost-mohair-fair-isle-jumper?color=41408

Instead of leggings or jeans, a skirt:

https://www.seasaltcornwall.com/atlantic-ivy-aline-midi-skirt

For footwear, trainers or something comfortable but just "dressy" enough like - https://www.rydale.com/products/ladies-mid-height-leather-country-boots-haworth?variant=32272

That outfit seems very simple and comfortable to wear, warm, but also no dreaded grey, which I think is too dystopian for you with the grey hair.

Your hair is really nice. Honestly the easiest way to make it more how you want it is to use redken acidic bonding conditioning mask as your conditioner. It’s very smoothening, the effect is cumulative too. I’m very very hair incompetent and this product has worked very well for me to improve my dry greying frizz, without impossible to maintain faff.
I also think telling you to focus on losing weight is ED talk. You can look good at your weight easily.
skincare thing: in all the supermarkets etc is Simple exfoliating wash. It has lactic acid in it. It’s very gentle and costs a few quid. I think it might be a body product but it’s great for the face too. Simple does a nice vitamin c serum too, also just a few quid. These two things will brighten your complexion. I assume you have a moisturiser/spf.
make up: Benefit lip tint, maybelline four in one instant age perfector, quick easy and natural looking to even complexion, and if you can ask for some Hourglass Dim light powder for Christmas you’ll be pleased with the soft natural glow.
As for clothing, I’m a uniqlo fiend so I’d say start there!

Agree with the folk saying you don’t need to lose 10kg! I recently lost a few kg and instantly noted it on my face …. After a certain age, sometimes you need to choose between face and bum. Too much weight loss might leave you looking haggard; not what you want as you age. The 3kg I lost was enough to make my clothes fit better; another 2kg would be nice but I’m not beating myself up over it.

Start following people on Insta who reflect your age range. When I started to change my image, I followed Kat Farmer years ago (doesmybumlook40). I loved her style at the time (the midi/maxi skirt or dress with sweater combo; still works for me), and she used to have a great blog. Now that’s she’s well known, and also a lot thinner, much of her stuff doesn’t work for me so I’ve moved on.

Depending on your style, there’s a host of great women serving inspiration. I love Jordan (the elegant stylist). MidLifeChic (Nikki Garnett) is now too MOR for me, but might suit you. Eventually you’ll work out your new style.

A brand I love, that suits women of all sizes, and celebrates them, is Kemi Telford. Beautiful skirts and dresses in great prints. Pockets and elasticated waists; so practical. Guaranteed to make you feel gorgeous.

Oh, and belts. I’m an hourglass/slight pear, and have recently discovered the transformative effect of belting a blazer or jacket, thanks to the Elegant Stylist. Such a neat trick! Also, the millennial tuck thing. Just tucking in a slight edge of a top or jumper over jeans with a belt does wonders!

I love your hair it reminds me of Frozen with the white streak. I had imagined a harsh streak of gray but i like the colours in your hair.