I don't usually bang on about my looks and most of my life have felt a bit ambivalent about my appearance and genuinely find it hard to know whether I am pretty, okay-looking or ugly. Recently I have lost a lot of weight due to a mental breakdown and am quite underweight and scrawny. I'm also a bit scruffy because I live in the countryside and never see anyone.
I asked my husband, who I love dearly, whether he thought I should make more effort with my appearance. He hesitated and said carefully "Do you think you should?". This made me feel uneasy so I kept digging and said "Do you think I look shit?". He said "I don't care what you look like, I'll always love you. You'll always look good to *me."
I think I must have been expecting him to say something like"No, you look great/ lovely, whatever, because I felt so shocked by his answer. He is a very honest man so I can only assume he could not bring himself to say I look objectively good/pretty. I now feel really sad and plain and shit about myself. He definitely used to think I looked good in the early years of our relationship.
Am I being ridiculous to feel so sad about this? I feel that there has been a sudden fundamental shift in how I feel about myself and my relationship with my husband. I also feel stupid to feel like this, because the way I look shouldn't feel important, but I really wanted him to say I look objectively nice 🙁