I just can't do smart/grown up (clothes) - help!

[CheeseandMarmiteToastie]

I'm having my annual struggle to find a Xmas party outfit, everyone else goes quite full-on in sparkly dresses and heels but they just dont suit me (my DD who is lovely but honest said I tend towards toddler dressing up 😳 ) so I choose something more understated and then just feel frumpy.

Same with dressing for smart occasions like work meetings - I can never get it right and feel so out of place, like a student instead of a fairly high-level professional.

I'm fine with casual clothes but I just dont think my shape and style suit looking smarter - I'm short, size 18 with big boobs and I think that can really easily look frumpy/mumsy/mutton/all the other horrible cliches which I hate but are unfortunately true.

Please can anyone suggest any accounts to follow or shops to try and anything else to help me feel comfortable and 'me' for once.

I'm a completely different size and shape but have the same problem! My style is quite casual and boxy and I hate sparkly dresses and heels. I end up buying things that are just not "me".

Where outfits have worked, it's usually a jumpsuit or co-ord.

What does toddler dressing up mean? Bright colours and prints?

For inspiration you could spend some time on these three sites:

https://www.lauraadlington.com/plus-size-directory

https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/gallery/best-plus-size-fashion-brands

https://www.vogue.co.uk/fashion/article/best-plus-size-fashion-brands

I’m aware that 18 isn’t necessarily plus size in shops - but if you start here you’ll feel more encouraged than looking at places that stretch to an 18 but only show clothes on size 8 models. Try to keep an open mind and consider shapes and proportions and even fabrics you might not have worn before.

How much do you usually spend? Smart, grown up clothes do generally cost a fair amount of money. (Of course things can be bought for less pre-owned, but you will need to look beyond the High St.)

I don't like sparkly dresses either. I am wearing a velvet suit. I am a 12 and don;t have a big bust, but I think they are ok for everyone?
What's your budget?

Another vote for a velvet suit. Peacocks have a lovely one in at the mo. Very reasonably priced too

I had the most beautiful velvet suit years ago but I dont fit into now - definitely more my style though.

I think by 'toddler dressing' she meant that I looked like I was dressing up in someone else's clothes which is a fair and quite clever point,

Budget-wise I'm more supermarket than high end but I'm happy with second hand and would invest for something that I'd wear again. Ideally I'd like a few bits in my wardrobe that I can bring out for parties and smart meetings without having to stress every time one comes up.

What are you comfortable in? Start here.

So for example if it's leggings and an oversize top, go for skinny jeans/leather leggings and a nice floaty shirt. Don't try and reinvent the wheel.

Change the fabric of your 'safe zone' rather than the shape. Swap t shirts for chiffon and silk tops.

Best of luck. Nothing worse than feeling like you're 'forced' to dress in a way that's just not you.

Also just to add, I second a good suit. Velvet is lovely at this time of year.

Get some staples. Nice cut trousers that you can dress up and down. A good coat etc.

If you don't like dresses......don't wear them!

Sorry I cant link right now but Sainsburys, M and S, Cefinn, Me and Em all do velvet suits.
I plan to wear the jacket with jeans and the trousers with a plain knit top, so I will get wear out of it.

Another option is to wear a satin skirt with a plain black or navy top. Thats my other outfit. Grey pleated skirt from Albaray.

Id suggest searching under petite plus. If you are short most regular clothes, in a size large enough fur your breasts, would likely swamp you.

You would maybe suit a fit and flare shape that comes in at your waist. A block colour or small pattern would be less likely to overwhelm.

What am I comfortable in?

I like clothes that are literally comfortable, I hate feeling constricted and fabrics that dont feel nice.

I like fairly simple styles but in lovely cuts and colours. I really like how Claudia Winkleman dresses but I'm very far from her body shape. I'm a bit arty so like an unusual edge - nice jewellery or something - and prefer trainers to heels. I do like a bit of sparkle or girlyness eg I'd love to wear a satin or tulle skirt, but I'd always want to dress it down.

I think my worst thing is looking too try-hard. I want to be effortlessly stylish but I'm really not!

Placemarking.
There was a gorgeous silver grey soft velvet blouse in River Island that I saw the other day.

I'm also short and discovered clothes look 1000x better from the petite section. Waist in the right place etc. So many styles I thought didn't suit me but it turns out they are just usually cut for a taller figure. It does limit the options especially at larger sizes.

Buying something you like and having it tailored is the best bet.

Whistles mesh dresses could be good for you - very comfortable, great patterns and not shapeless like a lot of plus size clothing. Up to size 20 ...

What about something like this? It's has a bit of sparkle but not too OTT.

https://www.next.co.uk/style/su587292/aw3722#aw3722

Yes I do like that @Illpickthatup and I love the shoes.

I've also got a work event next week where I need to look smart but not dressy and preferably a bit cool/arty/unusual (I realise how pretentious that sounds but not sure how else to describe it). I'm thinking flared jeans as I've discovered they suit me but not sure what else - comfort/practicality is an issue as I'm always walking a lot and am of the age where I get hot easily.

Perhaps the problem is that you appear to be focussed on looking cool/arty/unusual, rather than stylish and smart. There’s nothing wrong with the former but you said the problem was in selecting clothes that weren’t ’toddler dressing’.

you said you liked your velvet suit… why not buy another? They’re timeless and classy.

What about a colourful blouse? Something like this could work.

https://www.dancingleopard.co.uk/products/joanie-tie-top-in-blue-green-floral

Black is a classic that always looks grown up and you could pair it with some colourful/edgy jewellery. Puff sleeves, halter, one shouldered, velvet - all these styles are great. Or black blazer with colourful jewellery. Metallic silver ankle boots give a nice twist.

I’d go round the shops - push yourself to try things on just to see how they look and go from there - take a friend for honest advice and to keep the motivation - good luck 😁

@Petrine i think that’s the problem - I’m focussing too much on ‘cool’ and not pulling it off but on me stylish and smart just feels boring.

I like the idea of trying some different things but high street shopping is so limiting these days - I find everywhere has such a small range of sizes and often order things I see online but then ordering and returning is a faff.

Sorry, not easy to please 🤦🏻

Flared jeans, crisp white shirt, jersey blazer - comfy, smart enough for most work places now

I like the velvet jumpsuit up thread for the party. Although if you got it in black it's more practical year round, perhaps it's just me but I only wear red at Christmas.

This sounds perfect. Can't go wrong with a crisp white shirt and you could always jazz it up with a bright coloured blazer of some nice jewellery.

If you wore a velvet blazer it could potentially be added to your party wear outfit when you decide on one.

M&S does some nice party wear, what about sparkly, wide trousers with a plain top?

I was just in Mango and saw a really nice burgundy velvet suit. It's in cotton so not shiny. Very versatile. I might buy it for non Xmas events!

Why not try to replace your velvet suit or similar in your current size if you still like that look.