Will I end up looking like I have given up?

[AutumnMood]

I have been a classic style dresser my whole life, probably dressed too conservative in my younger years but with a slim figure and accessories always felt chic and sophisticated, rather than boring and safe.

Now I WFH mainly, found a new uniform of cropped jeans, simple top and always make up, so do feel put together.

But outside of home dressing, I am stuck. Aged 46, many things just don’t appeal to me like crop tops, off shoulder etc.

Not many shops left where I live, they are full of hideous polyester all too big for me, it’s time and cost to travel shopping, at least £20 for just the trip, return now chargeable and really good quality is astronomical. Yet tonnes of outfits on Insta look amazing, and crap IRL, H&M is just one example.

No charity or Vinted fan, so what now? How did this simple pleasure of shopping became a chore?

Well it depends on your budget. I can buy a whole wardrobe online from Marks and Spencer, COS, Jigsaw and Baujken for example.

And it won't be polyester either.

I went out for dinner last week in a silk blouse, wide leg raw hem jeans and pointed velvet ballet shoes. All from high St and no polyester.

Not exactly sure what your question is. Will what look like you've 'given up'? Wearing the jeans? Not buying polyester clothes that you don't like?

Well I don't think there's many 46 year olds wearing crop tops, outside of Instagram influencers.

Could you do a day trip somewhere with better shops? Or just buy online from decent places. Sezanne might suit, or Me+Em?

Try Ghost dresses, and layer them. I love wearing them. Stick a long sleeved cotton t shirt and a fitted cashmere jumper, thick tights and chunky boots....

‘Given up’ because you’re not wearing the latest fashions?

No! You’ll be wearing what you know suits you, and will continue to suit you for years.

Perhaps you will add in one or two things some seasons if ‘the fashion’ suits you and you love it. Perhaps you’ll ignore most of it because it’s hideous and designers clearly hate us.

Fashion comes and goes; style is forever.

@AutumnMood so what if you do, as you put it, ‘look like you’ve given up’ ? The type of person who would think that about anyone is not worth your time! If you are happy not shopping then don’t do it. I guess you could say I’ve given up—most of my clothes are grabbed on the way past as I do the supermarket shop. I used to love buying clothes but now I find on a night out I’m wearing dresses I bought 15 years ago. I like to think they are ‘timeless’—others would probably think something different😂. The older I get, the less I care.

The high street where I live was struggling before the pandemic and it's dead in the water now. Here's what I do, although you might not like all of it:

I buy mostly vintage and second hand from real shops. Some are local but also, whenever we go on holiday or just out for the day, I check out the second hand shopping.

Two or three times a year I treat myself to a shopping trip either in London or in a nearby city where the high street is still reasonable. Sometimes I buy, sometimes I just look and make a note of places that look promising.

Otherwise I shop online, moan about it all the time but try and embrace it. I also acknowledge that it's given me many new options of places that were never in a million years going to open up round here.

(I don't own any crop tops or off the shoulder stuff.)

I’m 48 and wear pretty much what I always have (jeans, jumpers, shirts) but now I spend more on fewer, better, things. I like hush, &other stories, Arket. I recently bought a long denim skirt from marks - I haven’t bought anything from marks for YEARS, but it’s like having another pair of jeans. But I work in a very casual environment and live in north London so very rarely dress up. I own no heels anymore. I also take more care with jewellery and now always wear simple make up when I go out. I get my nails done. Trainers mostly all the time. I think I look OK.

When you say "outside of home dressing, I am stuck" do you mean you are looking for going out clothes? Daytime going out or night time going out? Or something for a special occasion?

It's a little bit hard to work out what your actual question is.

If you provide some pointers as to colours, styles, shapes you like then I'm sure people on here can advise. Some of the suggestions I've seen on here have been brilliant.

Agree with you that shopping has changed a lot though and feels like much harder work than it used to!

@AutumnMood I hope in fifteen or twenty years time you can look back and laugh at this temporary slump in your shopping mojo.

There’s honestly no need to despair - you just need to change your mindset a little. So the High St has turned to rubbish? You could choose to see that as an opportunity, as pp puts it, to encounter online places that were never in a million years going to open up round here.

At 46 you must have some idea of your size and shape and what you find exciting? Just make it a project to look for more sources of those things via the Internet. In the end it really doesn’t matter if the odd thing doesn’t fit or doesn’t suit - it’s not the end of the world. And it’s confirmation that you’re actively exploring and experimenting.

And as for instagram - people parading their hauls are either spending extraordinary amounts of money, or, more likely are being gifted such volumes of clothes that it’s easy to cherry pick the best from even the most execrable collection.