Please help me politely tell my boyfriend I don’t like his gift.

[Mumofnarnia]

I’m over 40 and going to a function in a couple of weeks.

My boyfriend has decided to buy me a dress as a present to wear for the event which he has ordered online (presumably from shein or similar). It has arrived today, I’ve tried it on and there is no way I’d be seen dead in it! It’s for someone who is 15 to 20 years younger. It’s short, has a large gap in the abdomen area where you can see my stomach (albeit not a toned one) and just looks very tacky in general. I assume it looked ok on the picture online or whatever but I’d just basically look like mutton dressed as lamb. While all the time he’s been telling me he can’t wait to see me in my new dress/ I’ll look beautiful etc.
How do I break it to him that I do not like his present/ wish to wear that god damn awful dress to the event?

It’s a 40th birthday party

If it was a nice-but-just-not-you dress from a shop you normally like, or somewhere posher, then OK fine that would be well meaning but clueless.

This is not that.

A cut-out dress from Shein is not a present for you. It's the modern equivalent of scratchy red polyester lingerie. It's a present for him and it's controlling and it can fuck right off.

I'd just tell him that you thought it was so nice and thoughtful and romantic that he wanted to surprise you with the dress, but you've tried it on and it just isn't sitting right on you and you wouldn't be able to wear it. Suggest he returns it and you make a wee date day and go shopping together and get lunch and a few drinks in town to pick a new dress and have some nice time together.

Have you ever tried returning to Shein?

And if it is from there I'd be surprised if it cost more than £20

I'd be very straight about why it wasn't suitable and please not to do that again (especially from tacky Chinese companies)

Why on earth would you tell such lies?

Why pander to such a ridiculous idea?

He was imposing his idea of how he wants the OP to look (tacky by the sounds of it) and that needs knocking on the head

I can’t comment because I think I have that dress 😂.

Oh my - I don’t think I’ve ever sunk to such depths of ingratiation in 60 years.

Why would you?

Nice. Thoughtful. Romantic. Surprise. Wee date. Get lunch and a few drinks. Pick a new dress. Have some nice time together.

Fuck. That.

Lol. That probably won't go down too well with this champ - he just wants to get himself off.

Actually, tell him to wear it himself

If you can’t tell him the truth and have a good laugh about it then that’s worrying. If it’s from Shein it will have cost him virtually nothing so it’s not like the money is an issue.

I’d try it on, stick the untoned belly out, howl laughing and I’d say ‘Oi Mike, come and see this! Jesus Christ I can’t wear this! I’m flattered you thought this would look good, and it genuinely would if I was three stone lighter and 2 decades younger, but honest to god, I can NOT wear this! I look fucking DREADFUL! Look at me! Better get myself off to M&S I think.

Don’t lie to flatter his ego or save him from feeling bad. He bought you a dress from Shein FFS not Valentino.

Me and my DH would have a good laugh about this and i’d rip the piss out of him and take pictures of the offending garment.

I think I'd find this oddly controlling.

Be honest. Making up weird stories is a waste of time. Tell him you don't like clothes to be bought for you and that the dress is nothing like what you wear. Tell him it is so not your thing that it has made you wonder how he sees you or what he was trying to achieve. Have a conversation about it. It's an opportunity to get to know each other better. It's better to clear the air now rather than let it fester and become a big deal further down the line.

Can we see the dress op

@skinnykinny I really don’t think that would be the correct route to take. It’s not a matter of whether people on a MN thread like the dress. The fact is, the OP doesn’t.

And she doesn’t want to be coerced or guilted into wearing it to satisfy someone else.

It’s not a style issue.

'Malcolm, have you lost your mind?! I wouldn't be seen dead in that!'

Oh ok, you wanted a polite response.

'Malcolm, thank you for buying me a dress but the material and the style don't suit me and I won't be wearing it. If you want to exchange it I will show you some styles I do like and made of materials which are comfortable to wear.'

Personally I would dump anyone that bought me cloying from Shein as it probably only cost him a fiver.

Sweet lord he bought if off shein? that for me would be the 1st no no. then something that is not my style second no no. tell him bluntly not for you at all.
then educate him.on buying from good shops not shein shite

You've not been seeing him long, have you OP?

Thank you everyone for being so helpful.

Having sat there and read your comments and thought about his motive and what might have made him buy it, I’ve gone from wanting to send him a polite thanks but they don’t fit message, to being quite offended to then being just downright angry and upset. He knows my style and knows I have never worn such a revealing garment in my life. So I’ve just been extremely blunt with him and told him that I would not be wearing it, that it’s far too revealing and that it’s for a 20 year old.

An ex once bought me a dress which he tgiught was amazing. Black halter neck with a plunge to my navel. Had fringing either side of the neck which also ran to the naval. It was truly horrendous and far too short for me, was meant to be a midi dress.

i was literally stumped for words 🤣. He asked me if I wanted to take on a family holiday which I’d booked before meeting him. I said I’d not take it as it wasn’t suitable. After we split up he sold it on eBay 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Poor OP. It’s hard saying you don’t like a pressie !

I’d go with…

’Fucking hell! What were you thinking? It’s a peice of absolute tat! It’s a 40th birthday not a vicars and tarts party’.

Don't say it was a lovely thought, because it was not.

It was at best, a cheap and thoughtless gift.

It was at worst, a controlling, objectifying action as many pp have said

Good for you OP.

The thing is, even when WE send off for dresses online ourselves, most of them go back. You don't have to keep or wear anything just because a man bought it for you.
If you end up sending back your own choices how likely is it that someone else's will hit the spot?

Honestly, no one can reliably choose clothes for anyone else.

“It was a lovely thought, darling but it’s just not my style I’m afraid.”

1 million percent agree! It doesn't matter what we think of it, it's about how OP does. I was just interested to see what it looked it.

Is this event his family or friends event or your side?
He sounds a bit controlling actually.