Why can't my hairdresser stick to what I asked for?

[spacecadet]

Recent hair appointment. I went with a very specific goal - to get the long straggly bits of a previous bad cut taken off at the back. That was all. I was fine with the front which had a bit of shape from the previous terrible cut. What happened? She shortened the back, like I asked, but then said she wanted to 'neaten up' the front too and proceeded to chop it the same shorter length as the back - removing all of the shape in the process. It now looks like a shapeless helmet and will take me at least 6 months to get any length on it. I can't understand why she did this!? All it's done is set me back and made me furious in the process. Why didn't she respect my wishes?? Why did she decide she knew best? This keeps happening to me and sends me into a depression every time. I don't know how to break the cycle.

So, did you have a bob which goes longer at the front?
That is proper rubbish of her if she did cut it straight! Change hairdressers. She does not know how to cut that style properly, at least for your hair type. Do you have wavy or curly hair?

You need to say 'no' when she says she wants to neaten up the front

It's hard if you are not used to doing it but it saves a lot of upset and frustration

You can be nice about it if that's easier "no thank you, I really like the front how it is"

Hopefully it grows quickly for you

Is this with the same hair dresser, or different hairdressers? Either way, you need to be a bit more assertive about what you want and say no if they say “I’m just going to do ….” If it’s not what you want. If it’s the same hairdresser who keeps ignoring you, definitely don’t go back to them again.

OP, no helpful response I’m afraid but l’m beginning to wonder if you are me!

You were literally watching her when the scissors moved towards the front. All you had to do was say a firm “No, please do not touch the front”. Why did you not speak up?

I used to ask my regular hairdresser for a slight change sometimes, I'd show her a photo, we both agreed it was doable. Did she do it? Did she heck, she'd snip away here and there and blow dry me so it looked a bit different but when I did it myself.... no, the cut was basically the same. I gave up after the 2nd time, thoroughly disillusioned, and have cut and coloured my hair ever since. 7 years on. It's not that they know best but I think some get set in their ways and ....yes, OK, think they know best.

I get this. It happens in a flash. One snip and some on one side has gone, so the other side has to be done.

I used to be much more relaxed at the hairdressers and then I went from shoulder length hair to a crop.

As someone with short hair now I really get this. You ask for a tiny trim on a messy elfin cut and come out looking like Action Man.

I think many hairdressers go into auto-pilot. You have to be really super-vigilant in the chair and don't let them get distracted by small talk.

You would be daft to keep going back to the same one and expect a better result. Find a better one.

I've had this when asking for a growing out bob to be neatened up. It's awful because you can't do anything with it.
I have tried countless hairdressers and never found one who does what I ask for, even when I take photos. I've started cutting my own hair, which isn't ideal but at least I get the long bob I want without being given a bowl cut.

I think naturally all hairdressers want to cut, that’s what they do so I tend to find mine often takes maybe more than I’d like, but ultimately I do trust her. She has done so many different cuts for me - I’ve never had the same cut twice. I often go with a vague idea and let her get on with it. You need to find someone you can trust.

I get that it's hard to say no, I used to be a socially anxious people pleaser and would really struggle. But conquering the fear of "no" is really important and honestly so liberating.

"I'm just going to neaten up the front"
"No thanks I actually like that as it is, please leave it."

It isn't rude to assert yourself in situations like this. (I'd also go to a different stylist next time, I don't generally like the ones who go off brief without asking the client first.)

I completely agree. You're a paying customer and they should be giving you what you ask for. They shouldn't say "I'll just..." then go ahead without your agreement. If they try, you say no thank you.

I think it helps to use the lingo as well. There is a difference between a graduated bob and a blunt bob and most hairdressers know the difference!

I prefer a blunt bob on mine but I prefer to do the fringe myself, it never looks quite right when the hairdresser does it.

Oh I totally understand op and I've had to get very firm recently when the hairdressers try to SHAVE the back of my neck to neaten the hairline??? It looks awful and grows out really itchy, think it irritates my skin. I have to watch them like a hawk as one lady who cuts my hair nicely always forgets I don't like it and picks up the razor thing casually until I protest! Not sure why it's so hard just to trim my hair line? Anyway, I sympathise.

Thanks all of you. Yes, I guess it's that old thing of not wanting to sour the atmosphere - too much of a people pleaser and it gets me into so much trouble! I just thought I'd been really clear with her - I'd even said that it was the result of a traumatic cut by a different hairdresser 3 months prior and it was only the back I wanted cut to close the gap between the awful short layers and the longer length. I explained how I'd painstakingly watched my hair grow by 1cm each month and didn't want to lose that length at the front then chop - 3 months gone in an instant 😢 😢

I’m not a hairdresser but I manage social media for one as a side hustle, so am in there a lot. My actual hairdresser owns the salon, and he would be beyond horrified to have clients walk out feeling unhappy - he (and all of the staff) would far rather people said at the time and it could be fixed.

That's not at all helpful if too much has been cut off, I know, but something I am always banging on about on Instagram is that our team have great cutting skills but also great listening skills.You need a new hairdresser, OP, and a thorough consultation before any hair is actually cut. It’s hard to be assertive (and I think being in the chair with your hair wet and scraped back, and a big black cloak covering your usual clothes is a peculiarly vulnerable position) but you wear your hair every single day. Stick up for your hair!