I need a complete overhaul - where do I start?

[Beforetheend]

Help!

Late 40s and I’ve let myself go - not sure that I ever had a grip really. DH’s work circumstances have changed requiring the odd appearance of a presentable wife. (And I could really do with a confidence boost)

I’ve got a bit of a sensory defensive streak and I find make up, nail varnish and jewellery hard to wear. I absolutely cannot bear the thought of Botox, or anything like that and I’m not aging very well. I have horrible eyebrows, unruly frizzy hair and a face that might kindly be described as quirky.

I need some advice to develop a low ish maintenance routine - I’m thinking along the lines of a good haircut, with a fringe to hide the frown lines, maybe blow drying inbetween. Regular manicures without nail polish. Maybe a make up lesson. Something for my eyebrows (but what?) and a bra fitting.

I had a colour and style assessment years ago so that’s something though I don’t really have an eye for trends and I find it tricky to navigate what’s age appropriate. I also have a newly fashion conscious teenage dd and don’t want to be wearing the same styles.

I’ve never had a great haircut. I tried curly girl for a while but it’s too high maintenance and I just end up looking untidy. I tried getting make up advice at counters but it was more of a hard sell than really helpful.

So I’m throwing myself at the mercy of wise and wonderful mumsnetters. (Please be gentle!) Where should I start? What am I missing?

I would:

Learn to do your own manicure, it's dead simple if you don't want complicated nails gels etc.

Find a hairdresser who knows about curly hair. Shop around - if they have curly hair they probably understand better how to cut it well. A good haircut is key for curly hair - I speak as the proud owner of a very curly girl - getting her a great haircut has been key. And ask them for tips.

Makeup is optional. I'd focus on skincare rather than makeup if you're not into it. There is no right or wrong.

Eyebrows id get them shaped either waxed or threaded and go from there, if you're not into makeup no point trying to make yourself do it is there. A good shape and a clear brow gel will do.

Also I'd do a lot of clothes "browsing" shopping, a couple of fab new outfits will help perk you up. I did it recently. Pick up things you'd normally bypass and just try them on, try on everything and more. For example I picked out up 5 things I'd never normally try on in M&S a couple of months ago, one of them is now one of my most worn dresses. You don't need to buy loads or expensive to have great stuff.

I'd highly recommend going on YouTube for tips on manicures and style ideas. Marie-Anne Lecour is one of my favourite YouTubers for the "I feel like I'm getting on a bit but want to look fab" stage!

Thanks @shuffleofftobuffalo thats very helpful.

In terms of skincare, where would I start? Is there a (real) expert I should consult? I’m completely baffled by the range of products

Interesting article about cost-benefit of skincare, from a US newspaper. Gifting link:
wapo.st/3Wx6FE0

Thanks @Brandyb

I wash my face in Elemis superfood, it makes your skin glow.
Use a good shampoo and conditioner and go to the hairdressers or find one that comes to your house regularly.
Do you own nails cut and file them.
If you can stand it go for a pedicure every six weeks to keep your feet looking nice and your nails painted, so when your wear sandals it looks good.
Also get your eyebrows waxed every six weeks to keep them under control, unruly eyebrows look awful.
Maybe just try to put mascara on every day, I don't really like makeup but can stand mascara it makes a whole difference to your eyes.
Just keep on top of things and it will become your routine.
Make sure you moisturiser your face, body and feet and get a good tooth powder to brighten your teeth.
Sometimes we get so involved in being a wife and mother ect we forget about ourselves and we shouldn't, we deserve to be pampered and look our best it makes us feel good x

I don’t really have an eye for trends and I find it tricky to navigate what’s age appropriate.

This is the sentence that jumped out for me.

There is no such thing as age appropriate. It’s a phrase I have hardly ever seen anywhere other than on MN. But helpfully there was a surprisingly good article on this last weekend:

How to dress your age — the rules for women (and men)

https://www.thetimes.com/article/a3596008-218a-43ee-baaa-7328507ca337?shareToken=c6eaeb41cdb4dd8d251bfa2831ee359b

Echo advice re good skincare being a good foundation as you'll feel more able to go without makeup!
Balm cleanser, vitamin c serum in AM, hyalruonjc acid serum in PM, moisturiser and spf. The ordinary is a good place to start.
Makeup wise it might be helpful for you to go to a brand and have a look matched for you? I like the trinny London match 2 me service for eye makeup and blush and then you can swap in your own tinted moisturiser/foundation/ brow products and mascara.
John Lewis apparently have a good personal shopping service where they can help you pick out stuff as a starter capsule wardrobe that you can build on as you get more confident!
Love the brow threading idea. I have horrible nails and prefer to get gels as they are more durable but as I'm currently 32/40 with twins and feel a mess all the time as nothing fits it's one way of making myself feel put together!

Echo PP’s comments, skincare is a great place to start. I love Nip + Fab and I have recommended Face Theory a lot but since having my second child I have reacted to all of their products. A good cleanser, serum to target your type of skin and moisturiser. Then if you don’t already start using sunscreen every day.

Find a good hairdresser and ask them for something low maintenance, mine know I’m not going to come in every 6 weeks and cut and colour accordingly.

Visit a salon for eyebrow waxing or threading.

I also don’t like the feeling of make up sitting on the skin, I use Dr Jart beauty balm which is a tinted sunscreen (spf50) and is more like skincare than makeup.

Drink lots of water and just keep you nails neat and tidy if you don’t like polish.

In terms of specific products it’s a little bit trial and error. For me a gentle cleanser works, retinol twice a week to clear skin and hopefully prevent/reduce wrinkles and a ceramide serum on other days. I don’t personally use vitamin c as it seems to set off my skin but others have very good results. Nip + fab have a little quiz to suggest what products might work for you.

My advice:

nails: keep them short and use cuticle oil, metallic cuticle pusher, Dior nail glow.

fashion: choose a couple of shops in the style you like and buy entire looks. For example: Cos and Massimo Dutti if you like minimalist, Whistles and Jigsaw if you like a mix of tailoring and casual, etc

skin: possibilities are endless but if it helps I love Vitazing for day and Paula’s Choice Resist for night.

Invest in good shoes and bags.

@WhatWillIWear thank you for the share. I enjoyed this article but especially liked the way she immediately identified the 2 things that instantly date an outfit. I'm still holding on to skinny jeans and knee length skirts but every time I put them on I feel dated so have to change!

@Beforetheend it seems to me that you haven’t been affording yourself much time? So one thing I’d suggest is taking yourself off to a few art galleries and really absorbing the infinite variety of ways people have presented themselves and been represented over centuries.

This article was in the Washington Post a couple of days ago - it’s glorious!

https://wapo.st/4dDqv7K

Definitely get your brows threaded and an option would be to opt for a tint. I feel threading is so much better than waxing. Definitely invest in a brow pencil as this will help any gaps- remember light strokes following the direction of the hair. The brows shape your whole face and will really make a difference to your whole look.
Look at getting a tinted moisturiser, it really does help and is low maintenance. If you are wanting a foundation definitely go into places like self ridges and go to the makeup stands and they can colour match your foundation to your skin for free.

Skincare- I would go onto some online stores and look at skincare gift sets. The sizes are usually smaller but they usually include a cleanser, toner, moisturiser. So you can try them out. Alternatively you can buy separately but look for
Facial cleansers, toners, Serum, Moisturiser and follow that order in the routine. No.7 is a good brand.

For clothing styles, I look on pinterest of styles that I like and then I will try to replicate and buy similar on shein as its pretty cheap or go into shops, pick a couple of items and try them on too that you wouldn't usually buy. It's fun and I've been quite suprised with some items. I usually buy items that I can build several outfits from and then I will a have a couple of dresses which can be dressed up and down for different occasions.

I hope this helps xx

No one needs toner - that cleanse, tone, moisturise routine is very old fashioned.

And if the OP wants to differentiate herself from her teenage daughter she would be wise to build a wardrobe on better quality than Shein.

Sorry!

John Lewis are very good for bra fittings, especially if you aren't large enough for Bravissimo, and you could also book a free personal styling session there. Go in with a firm view of what sort of occasion you're looking for.

Don't trust M&S bra fitters.

On the subject of the ‘presentable wife’ you may find this thread entertaining - as well as potentially useful:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/5112671-victoria-starmers-dress?reply=136539956

I echo everyone else and would advice a good make up routine. Cleanse, serum, moisturise daily as a minimum. No one can advise on products as everyone's skin is different so you may need to try a few brands before you find what's right for you.

Avoid heavy makeup like the plague.

A good haircut and colour works wonders. Find a curly hair specialist and never ever use a box dye

Drink plenty of water, use spf, don't drink, don't smoke and gently exercise daily - glow from within.

Eyebrow threading and tinting makes a big difference for little time and cost

Clothes wise I recommend finding a colour palette to suit your skin tone and buy all basics from that.

Vitamin C skincare has brought a glow to my skin and it looks so much healthier. I use Dr Dennis Gross but a trip to Space NK for skincare and make is always a good shout. I find their staff really knowledgeable and they have a light touch with make up.

Hourglass cosmetics do some lovely Phantom lip balms with a sheer colour and a bit of shine. BUT they just feel like normal lip balm not make up. I love Hourglass; they also do a tinted moisturiser that is very light. I have sensory issues too and don’t like to feel anything on my face.

Max Factor mascaras are brilliant and their Masterpiece (the gold tube) will help define your eyes without adding too much weight to your lashes. My own are very thick and this is fab as it just lengthens them without giving the false lash effect which is so popular. The ‘black brown’ colour is very flattering if you think black would be too much.

A good haircut and possibly some colour is also a great way of looking more put together. Fringes can be hard work with unruly hair as they never hang how you want them too. I gave up eventually as I was washing and blow drying my fringe daily to get it into position.

Eyebrow shaping can lift your whole face. Threading or laminating would be a good call depending on whether you want more brow or less.

I use a buffing block from Boots on my nails to keep them healthy and shiny. It just takes 5 minutes once a week or so and I usually do it while I’m watching TV. So it’s no effort at all. If you did want a nail polish to feel ‘done’ when you’re on parade, The Manicurist do an Active range of sheer nail treatments that look like healthy pink cuticle beds.

It’s difficult to suggest anything clothes wise without knowing what you like to wear, your shape and what type of events you’ll be attending e.g. corporate hospitality at the races or dinners with clients etc. But knowing your colours is a great place to start.

You may think that it's outdated but Toners have really come along way in the last couple of years and have drastically changed from the old style toners which are known to be terrible for the skin which you are probably referring to. There is a range of different types of Toners so it's important that the toner is for your specific skin type. Many toners include ingredients that allow for gentle exfoliation which you would not achieve simply through a face wash/cleanser and moisturiser. In your 40s your skin changes drastically and therefore the routine and products that you use may need to change. My opinion is its not essential but if you want to have a great routine and a healthier appearance then definitely include it especially if you have ageing skin.

Shein is not just for teenagers, there are items on there that are very good quality for all ages. It's just one place where I got the majority of my wardrobe. Maybe I've been lucky with the quality of items I've purchased. I think the vital point here is knowing your style. Once you know your style you can shop anywhere. Like I say, pinterest for ideas then I find similar on shein or other shops.

You’ve had a lot of good advice on this thread OP but as you can see different things work for different people at different stages of their life.

You may want to consider an eyelash lift and tint if you are not a fan of wearing makeup everyday.

Here here
I use three different toners every morning - one exfoliating, one biofermented essence and the last a nourishing ceramide peptide one.

And SheIn is wonderful for more mature women / particularly their MOTF and DAZY ranges. I get compliments every time I wear their clothes and they are very high quality - I have items in my wardrobe for 8+ years. The best thing is there is no vanity sizing - I cannot wear 90% of the UK store clothes.

I’m taking copious notes - thank you for all the suggestions. And the links

I’d suggest:
dermalogical skin care. I really like it. I’m not a make up person at all but this skin care is wonderful. Book a facial with a salon that offers it. Buy the sun cream with spf and ask for some samples. Then go on line to buy face wash and gentle exfoliant and a night cream.

Get eyebrows shaped and tinted. Lash tint. Give the appearance of make up when you don’t have to bother.

a tinted moistures can be good. I like bare minerals. Doesn’t feel heavy in the skin.

Could you have a session with a stylist? Some will do me look at your existing wardrobe. Help you weed it out and then you go shopping together and add clothes so your wardrobe works for you.
or John Lewis offer styling sessions for free in their stores
Could be a really good investment. Ok a fan of dresses personally. Women look fantastic in a dress and they usually look smarter that trousers and are low effort to wear.

I also think shoes that are not old and battered but are still comfy are a good thing.

definatels 3-4 good bras. I like independent shops or women who have a business they run for this. just look online.

It could be quite a fun project if you want it to be!

I thought that was a good article @WhatWillIWear

I recommend The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees @Beforetheend it helps identify the clothes you need rather than what you think you want.