Would you bother trying to be thinner for beauty?

[Llamasally]

If you were me?

Posting this in S&B as it’s purely a looks thing.

I am tall, size 12 and a healthy BMI with what you’d probably describe as an ‘athletic’ figure. Good tone but definitely not skinny. Since having the DC a couple of years ago, this seems to be my new ‘set point’ and I can really eat whatever I like and stay the same.

However this makes me think that if I did put in more effort and had more discipline I could probably get back down to a size 10. I prefer photos of me thinner and I didn’t have to think about what to wear so much. Clothes just hang better when thinner, I think anyway, although maybe an unpopular opinion.

So if you were in the same situation, would you try harder and get back to a slimmer size 10, or accept your new size and shape, eat what you like and forget about it? (And try not to hanker after your old slimmer body)

I don't know. I'm short (5'2"), size 12 and definitely within a healthy BMI. I certainly don't see myself as fat, just medium, but I'm not as slim as I used to be. I used to be very skinny, though.

If I were 5'5" or taller, I'd consider a size 12 slim.

I think it's more about how our sense of who we are changes with life changes (e.h. having children, menopause, in my case, also, bereavement) and how we link the external changes in our looks to those life changes.

Also, of course, go with what makes you feel best inside. I'm trying to lose a bit of weight because I find physical activities I enjoy a bit harder now, like cartwheeling and climbing trees! I actually think I look better this size, though, because thinner = wrinklier, so I'm making myself less attractive for my own enjoyment. Cartwheeling and climbing are more important to me.

Focus on health rather than how you look. I am naturally same size for my whole life and what people call a "skinny" size.
Turns out I have non alcoholic fatty liver, because i could eat what I wanted. Long story short I eat healthy but I can also eat a dozen donuts in one sitting and that amount of sugar in one go was apparently the cause. I cannot reverse this through exercise because I'd lose too much weight - must be diet only.
I'd not focus on weight and size, I'd focus on muscle mass, weight % etc and making sure I enter older age with a strong body be it a size 8 or a size 12. Strength and health is the most important so see what that says.

For me personally, I'd try and get back to the size I was before. I'm not recommending that as a course of action for anyone else. But I've been the same size my whole adult life so it would be extremely inconvenient for me to have to buy an entire new set of clothes. I'd actually cry if I couldn't wear X or Y dress again.

I think the best way to look at it is to try and get stronger and fitter rather than thinner. It's so much better to be strong and healthy than just trying to be small.

I think this is the same as me although I don't have any other menopause signs... I'm 49.

I run 25km-30km a week, do yoga, some weights, try and swim once a week too. So I think I'm reasonably fit, but have definitely got a thicker waist, and wobblier arms... Which I hate. Some trousers feel tighter and I don't particularly want to wear tight tshirts any more.

I tell myself that fit and healthy and happy should be enough, but I definitely watch what I eat and would like to lose the half stone I have gained in the last 6 months. The things that used to work just don't now though... To lose half a stone I would have to skip at least one meal a day... And that's a depressing thought.

To more specifically answer your question, yes I would try, and I am too. I would consider having to buy new bigger clothing an epic fail.

I was the same and struggled with motivation to lose weight because I was healthy and an acceptable weight and it seemed very vain to want to be thinner.

But I look better a stone lighter so I decided to try to lose weight in a way that worked for my body and lifestyle and started experimenting. Low carb, blood sugar, various fasting patterns, etc. It was amazing, taking in the same calories on each diet but some gave weight loss and others didn't.

I've lost 10lb so far and feel much better. I'd say try it and see what it takes, if it makes you miserable then it's probably best to stay as you are.

It’s a v personal question only you can answer, if it is going to make you feel better about yourself then absolutely yes.

I’m in a similar position OP, healthy BMI but would look better several pounds lighter, and I’ve decided to take a half way house approach.

I’m not going to do any serious deprivation or “a diet” - but I am going to watch it a bit. Over winter I’d been snacking on cheese and nuts whenever I felt like it (which was a lot). I am going to cut that out, and make healthier meal choices. Much easier over summer so hopefully won’t feel too difficult.

Of course this will mean any weight loss is slow and subtle but that’s ok.

It's very hard to lose weight in menopause and keep your waist. I have been trying hard forever- and keep losing and gaining the same half stone. It's so demotivating.

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses- many in the ‘yes’ camp coming at it from perspectives I hadn’t considered before. So thank you.

my diet is ok, I tend to have good meals then snack on junk, mixed with some fasting then a blow out. I get good protein and like fruit and vegetables, but have a sweet tooth …and a salt tooth 😂 and have a seemingly unlimited capacity at times! So I could definitely make improvements.

@Llamasally I bet if you tried to cut down on the sugar you'd lose weight in a healthy and gradual way, and the less you eat sugar, the less you crave it. I used to eat chocolate everyday without fail. I've weaned it out of my diet, I don't crave it anymore, and I lost 7lb in the first month (healthy bmi so don't have a huge amount to lose). I still eat it occasionally, but not every day!

@polajjjl yes I also eat chocolate every day, but I love it and don’t want to give it up!!

@Llamasally I was like that for 36 years lol. It was learning about UPFs that managed to switch me off (which most chocolate is, cheap chocolate at least). Read about the whole thing, was horrified, cut them down, and lo and behold I'm suddenly not craving it anymore (not a coincidence!) I now have the M&S (delicious) UPF free milk chocolate bar on the weekend, and don't crave it at all in the week. I never, ever thought I would say that.

Oh how I wanted to slim down for clothes as a teen and early twenties! But I could never restrict or work out long enough to be the weight I've always wanted. I still feel like a failure for it.
So I have thought of it many times but I just can't make it happen. As soon as I start losing weight, I can't cope with the increased male attention and compliments I feel so 'observed' by everyone and then I want to comfort eat and hide in the invisibility of weight. My sisters definitely kept their weight low for clothes and appearance, always watching portion size, calorie counting, regularly dieting and exercising, daily weigh in. I have come across Tiktok accounts where the creator openly admits she lost weight even though she was a healthy BMI to be a lower BMI of like 18-19 BMI because it gives that 'model' look and clothes hang better which makes sense because when you are skinny, the fabric doesn't have to stretch or pull around big curves so a cheap body con can look more expensive because it's not gone all shiny and see through to accommodate a more generous derriere.

Since I failed at losing weight, I found that getting over the fear of a bigger size and just accepting sizing up gives this 'hanging better' effect and can be slimming depending on the fabric, stiff or thick fabrics make me look fatter if not fitted but drapey or lighter fabrics look luxurious when there is more fabric from sizing up.. and then there is the obvious thing about tailoring and choosing better brands with better cuts and fabrics since mastering weight loss seems to evade me.