Do other 50-somethings feel this way too?

[Cottonsockblesser]

Generally I love the recent trend in refuting the tired old trope around women, ageing, and style and enjoy seeing online and in real-life women who are wearing/doing/living exactly how they want. The Shift podcast is my absolute fave.

But, and I'm aware this might be just me, I do get a little weary of it in a way that's hard to describe. I recently read Anna Murphy's book 'Destination Fabulous' and while I really loved the chapter on work, the preceding ones about style and clothes annoyed me no end as she just kept going on about 'youthfulness'.

I appreciate no one is making me feel this way, it's all down to my own perceptions but sometimes it's hard to resist the unspoken but nevertheless existing pressure to smash ageing in a way that I currently find exhausting. Am I alone in this? I might be! I currently feel exhausted by EVERYTHING. Life, sandwiched between two quite demanding generations plus dealing with my own stuff, is so tiring.

I was on Jo Whiley's insta recently and I could not believe how good she looked. She's 59! She looks amazing and stylish in a way women never used to. I watched the first series of Gavin and Stacey and Pamela is supposed to be 54. She looked older in a totally different way to Jo. That was made in 2007, and so much has obviously changed in 17 years.

Then my 79-year-old neighbour and I were discussing her hair other day. She looked at my salt and pepper hair and told me she is growing out her grey but because she hates salt and pepper hair is dyeing it pink until all the old dye has grown out.

My hair is, probably, awful. It's still quite brown in the front but quite grey at the back. I say grey but it's a weird sort of washed out light colour that doesn't appear to be silver or grey. As well as thinking how rude my neighbour was I also thought of older ladies of my youth who were just old without any (to me at least) pressure to look anything other than what they were.

I am on HRT but not really looking after myself as well as I might which could be contributing to my oh-so-weary feelings.

Are you loving this new way of being a stylish older woman or do you hanker (a bit) for the time when women could just age in a more comfortable, or less exhausting way? I think I just feel that as menopause is (quite rightly) a hot topic these days so the spotlight has also moved to menopausal women in a way that men always seem to evade. No one ever comments on my husband's bald head or grey beard!

I know what you mean OP- when am I going to be allowed to wear my housecoat and headscarf..?!

Actually I'm a single parent and dress very un-youthfully and it's LOVELY!! ExH did say to DS recently 'do you think your mum cares that she looks fat and old?' which made me feel a bit shit and browse the internet for days after in search of the elixir of youth. But I can't afford any work on my face or new clothes so 🤷‍♀️

Have amazing hair genes though and neither parent went grey till 70s and I haven't found a grey hair yet in late 40s. My new colleagues guessed my age in my birthday and were all more than 5 years below where I am so the hair is winning it for me.

I did!! OMG! My mother insisted on doing everything to make my hair curl!! Eventually I rebelled. I had to sleep with my head hanging over the side of the bed - pure torture!

The hairstyles were generally very ageing. My granny rolled hers into a bun at the nape of her neck. Mum always had a perm. I think there's far more variety in hairstyles now. Granny wore an apron and mum a housecoat/overall nylon thing over her clothes for years! She did stop eventually!

But there was old lady uniform! Granny always wore dresses, She went to a dressmaker and got them made in the most boring style! Mum wore full skirts with t-shirt type tops day to day. Occasionally trousers if she was in a slimmer zone. There's nothing more ageing than crimplene type trousers on a flat old lady bum!

I think I dress better now at 61 than I ever did. I know what I like and what suits me. I'm told I'm stylish! My kids would soon let me know if I got frumpy! And I am fortunate not to have grey hair yet but I will not be going grey any time soon!

And on social media, endless filters.

If you are in peri or full blown menopause then thats to be expected.
It a very tiring business.

DCs are 18 and 15 and do a lot of sport. We walked 10-15 miles up high every day but I think my days of leading from the front are gone forever.

I think there used to be no universal 'what a human being looks like' when it comes to age though

The golden girls were so much older looking than today's women of the same age. It's in the styling. Not just Botox and filler.

They were dressed up and fancy but still looked way older.

Yeh I'm 54 and they look in thir 60s to me. What did their own age group think at the time?

They were all in their 60s apart from Rue when it started - the other three were born 1922/3.

We have a different energy I think from the older women we knew as children. Their lives were so different from ours. My main sensation is of them really knowing who they were. Their lives were relatively small - most didn't drive and they stuck to the house a lot. I feel that we don't have that same sense. It is like we are still teenagers, still searching, still easily seduced by the promise of a new outfit.

The Golden Girls was first made 40 years ago! Of course their clothes and hair and make up look different.

I agree. I was quite looking forward to stepping off the treadmill of having to look attractive, but now with botox and fillers and wegovy there's immense pressure to look 35 at 57. It's exhausting.

I don't feel under any pressure to look like something I'm not.

Never say never!!!

This time a year ago I could barely walk the length of myself, 4 weeks ago I hiked a marathon, came 287/1051 - 26 miles in 8 hrs 35mins

Average age of hikers - 30's - Im 59

My mum and my nans generation is a million miles away from mine. Nan was expected to marry, produce children and keep house, which she did. Looking back she was poor and it was a make do life, but her flat ( back in the day of gas lamps ) was spotless. The lino was washed daily, the beds with the heavy army blankets made to near on military precision ( yes I still do hospital corners ) , doorstep gleaming. Yes she wore a housecoat and slippers in the house, but if Mrs Williams from upstairs was coming for elevenses , the table was laid, the house coat removed, the beads and the hat went on. Yep a hat indoors, as did Mrs Williams :) For my nan , meeting anyone without a hat on was akin to stepping out naked

Mum, born during the war, was another whos life was very much dictated by the times. Teenagers didn't exist, she wore mini mum clothes. She grew up with wearing rollers and girdles She was one of the first generation of post war British women who had a job and learned to drive. She was actually a great beauty in her teens, but like so many , married and became a mother and found it difficult to be a SAHM after being an earner so had to juggle as it was still "bad form" to be a working wife.

Shes 86 now and still goes to the hairdressers weekly for a wash and set

Ill be 60 next month, feel 35 ( mostly ) and Ive freedoms those generations never had, Neither mine nor DH's mother have ever worn a pair of jeans in their lives. I was also freed from the drudgery of housework ( mod cons ) and I had spare cash so of course Ive experimented in clothes and cosmetics and didnt follow wearing mini mum

Now at near on 60, I finally feel that Ive become the woman I was meant to be. I look bloody good with minimal effort . I have a wash and go hair style, I can afford to get the eyebrows tamed and I have a skincare and cosmetic routine that is done in minutes and whilst I am never going to be a beauty, I get complimented more today then I ever did 20/30 years ago

Am I stylish? I dont think I really understand the term. I wear what Im comfortable in, what I personally like when looking in the mirror - high fashion its not . Do I yearn to make myself look younger? Sure I miss my lips and I really hate the creases around my mouth and my saggy skin on my belly and missing arse but enough to go under the knife??? No. Its a sign of my age, body is wearing out, its a fact.

I look my age Id say but I dont look the age my mum and grandmum did when they were the age I am

I think everyone is just more aware of themselves. Growing up in the 90s I didn’t wear make up or style my hair. Just wasn’t something I thought of. it’s taken me years to know how to make the best of myself so I’m not giving that up.

But teenagers now are experts in false eyelashes and contouring. They look way older and more sophisticated than I did, even allowing for changing fashion, though of course the 90s are back.

I think what you’re feeling is just the other end of the same scale.

When I saw the Wegovy threads on here I thought it was something to do with the British election

It's liberating, isn't it?

😀😀

Someone said this "I also suspect we look just as old to young people as our parents' generation did to us." and I think that's probably true.

It's easy to think older generations allowed themselves to look mumsy or grannyish, while we feel pressure to look younger, but that can just be us not recognising that although they look nothing like us they also looked nothing like their mums or grans. Lots of the rollered and permed hairstyles of some generations were women keeping on with the styles that were fashionable in their own younger adulthood, even the dreaded 'slacks' which just conjures up grannyhood to me would have been daring and racy at one point.

@WeRateSquirrels @Floisme

he Golden Girls main characters included 62-year-old Estelle, who played 79-year-old Sophia. Rose Nylund was 63 years old and played 55-year-old Betty White. Dorothy Zbornak was 63 and played 53-year-old Bea Arthur, and 51-year-old Rue McClanahan portrayed 53-year-old Blanche Devereau.

They were portrayed as nice middle class women and wore makeup and 'nice' clothes.

The point is that they were portraying women in their 50s (apart from Sophia) and wore clothes that were considered appropriate for older women.

Middle class women who put effort into their style today aged in their 50s would not necessarily wear clothes that different from women in their 30s/40s. It's the 'this is how you dress and do your hair in your 50s' attitude that makes them look old.

I feel like I'm through with the striving part of life.
@dudsville
I can relate to this!

Rose's hair looked significantly more old fashioned, but the hairstyles of Blanche and Dorothy were not all that different to those of lots of women in their 30s or 40s in 1985.

even the dreaded 'slacks'
@OTempora
I can still hear my Nan talking about her slacks🥰

The only pressure I feel is from myself. I know what I can look like if I make significant effort and if I don’t do those things, I feel deflated, annoyed with myself and it generally puts me in a very bad mood.
So for me all the skincare/bodycare/certain type of eating/exercise is a frame of mind - when I do it all and am focused, I am on fire. I wake up bouncing out of bed, am in a good mood with family annd friends, more sociable, attack work with enthusiasm, have more energy.

But if I’ve slacked off with eating properly, skip my weights session/walks, drinking alcohol, do basic skincare only , I can be in a foul mood and just very disappointed in myself. I’m in this funk right now and need to dust myself off and start again - ended up eating lots of Lindt chocolate last night from a Germany trip and haven’t worked out properly the last 3 days and am kicking myself this morning.
So all the pressure is just from within myself - I’m dreading a day that I don’t feel that pressure - I fear I would just sink into an unmotivated, depressed life.

Girdles were needed to hold up your stockings as they had the suspenders attached. Probably more comfortable than a narrow suspender belt.
Also imv ( I worked in a hospital and often had to help wrestle old ladies out of their pink corsets - the ones with the dozens of hooks and eyes) they helped to keep you warm in non centrally heated homes.
I tried on a Victorian style corset once in a Fashion museum and it did amazing things for your posture - perhaps the girdles also helped with that.
In the recent past people were happy to be what they were - eg a smartly dressed 60 year old, now everyone is striving for their own style and identity - I think it was easier in the past. My DM always looked smart in her cardi and blouse and was happy with her identity.

I often wonder if its harder for 'attractive' women TBH. If you have always put alot of effort into your appearance and looked good is it harder to come to terms with wrinkles and middle age spread?
(for me I think I was middle aged when I was young, mainly due to extreme weight gain and lack of self care. Now in my 50s Im so much healthier, fitter and dare I say....better looking! 😃I def feel more like Im in my thirties).

Although speaking to my parents the other day who are in their late 70s apparently you never grow out of still feeling like you are in your thirties.