Is it common to not be aware of how we look?

[TowerStork]

I recently (in my 40s) realised I have a pronounced overbite/buck teeth. I usually look at my self directly in the mirror and knew my central teeth were 'a bit bigger', but I didn't think much about it. Recently, I saw photos where I'm in the background at different angles and the protrusion is actually very prominent. In fact, I now understand that people have been making comments about it during my life but they went right over my head. At this stage, I'll learn to live with it and I'm glad it wasn't on my mind in my 20s.

But it has made me wonder how common it is to be blind to our own appearance?

I have form. When I was a teenager I ballooned to size 16+ but I didn't really take it in until a toddler on the street said 'that girl is very fat'. To be fair I was going through a lot at the time.

But I'm slightly alarmed at how I can lack awareness on my appearance.

I have a Head Version of me that is 3 stone lighter, less lumpy, not grey and twenty years younger.

A bit like those Facebook avatars that are a version of you.

I’m always shocked when I see the truth.

I think so, yes.

For me, definitely, it takes a photo sometimes to know.

I gained a lot of weight, going up 3 dress sizes, and have aged through the weight gain and I literally don’t look like the same person but it was only when I saw a photo that I realised. I felt the same inside and didn’t see how different I look now at all. I’m not imagining it because I’ve been stopped by people who knew me pretty well” before”, not that long ago and been asked, “It’s Perky, isn’t it? Gosh, I didn’t quite know if it was you there.” Then a head tilt and sympathetic, “how are YOU?” Another woman visitor approached me at my workplace and said, “Are you the same person that was working here during the pandemic?” and when I said that I was, she replied, “Yes…I wasn’t sure…as you used to be young!” She must have been in her seventies and I was in my thirties on both occasions! I thought she was very rude but if I look at pictures, there’s very much a sense when I’m objective of “gosh what happened to her!!!!”
If I look in the mirror, I don’t see it.

I didn’t realise I had a very obvious dental issue until I was 24 and was filmed for an interview and watched it back. There was a moment of horror when I realised my teeth looked like THAT. It was very prominent. I probably wouldn’t have had dental work if it wasn’t for that interview!

Mirrors - I look fine, generally happy with how I look apart from when I’m a bit haggard first thing in the morning.
Posed photos - not brilliant, I usually look at best stiff and awkward, at worst unattractive.
Rare candid shots someone’s taken of me smiling or laughing can actually look nice.
Occasional attempts by me to take selfies - absolutely hideous! I’m slightly jealous of people who can take nice selfies but I’ve decided it’s not actually what I look like to other people so 🤷‍♀️

What comments have you had? I think it's lovely you've not had that in your head and thinking negatively about it!
Anything hygiene related should always be noticed, but stuff like this is refreshing

I think it is totally normal. You only have to look at the number of threads where people complain that they never photograph well.

The camera records exactly what you look like at any given moment. We can all have one bad photo, but if you hate all photos of yourself, you are just not seeing yourself clearly in the mirror.

I definitely think I am slimmer than I now am, because for forty years I was very slim. I honestly don't see the fat when I look in the mirror! But this weekend's photos of me at ninja warrior are the horrifying truth .

The camera records exactly what you look like at any given moment.

And adds ten pounds. Which is why models are so thin; and people on tv when you meet them in real life are usually skeletal, in my experience.

The camera can also record you from an unnatural angle. Take a photo or video from a bit below and you can look like Jabba the Hut. From above, the same person can look slim and with great cheekbones, etc.

Cameras definitely don't record you exactly as you look. Camera lenses distort you in all sorts of ways.

Honestly, if the camera doesn't make the cat look fat, and it doesn't make everyone else look fatter than usual, and everyone else is perfectly recognisable in photos, I think I have to accept the reality that what the camera sees is what others see, whereas what I see in the mirror is pleasantly filtered through the lens of my delusion!

Like I said, anyone can get one bad photo (chewing, under the chin). And likewise, many people now have a range of carefully curated photos where they are looking up etc, which they are happy with but which may not be recognisable to their friends and family. I still say if you look at the last fifty photos someone else took of you, that is what you look like. And most of us (including me) flinch a bit, because we are not aware of how we really look to others.

The Reason Why The Camera Adds 10 Pounds (slrlounge.com)

Oh the grey thing. I am grey , deliberately grey I know I am grey as I went through the pain of having it grow out and I also see myself in the mirror every day, see a photo though - god I am grey. Well yes you are you know that!

Yes! I was never so humbled as when we first got a ring doorbell camera and I could see what I looked like clomping in and out with major resting bitch face 💀

I kind of have the opposite experience at the moment as in the last year and a half Ive gone from a size 24 to a size 10 so sometimes I see myself in a mirror and geniunely dont recognize the person I see!
I went through a stage where even my shadow looked like it was somebody else's. I mostly still see myself as big though, its only in photos or catching myself in mirrors unexpectedly that I see the actual me.

There is no angle you can hold your head at that disguises a big nose. Trust me. I know I have a big nose (thanks, school bullies!) but because I am always looking at myself head on I rarely realise just HOW big it is. Every so often I will see a profile reflection or photograph and think 'bloody hell, it's a wonder I can stand up!' It's like a yacht sail in a high wind.

But I'm not going to do anything about it, I can't see it so it doesn't bother me, and anyone who doesn't like it can, frankly, go fuck themselves.

Well I think I’m the opposite. I’ve lost lots of weight but still think I look fat. And I have been going on and on to my husband about my jelly thighs and how they don’t look normal but he says he can’t see what I’m on about.

I find this interesting because I think I’m the other way round to a lot of posters. My vision of myself in my mind’s eye is less flattering than what I actually see when I look in the mirror. I picture my face as much more wrinkly than it actually is, and my body skin as being much saggier than it is when I actually see it in the mirror. I can be a massive pessimist in general so perhaps this is just another manifestation of my general negativity- but it actually works in my favour when I’m often pleasantly surprised by what I see in the mirror or photos. 😂

On occasion I have a big old whinge and moan about my wrinkles, acne scars, wonky teeth, hooded eyelids, thin lips etc and my husband always points out that others (especially if they like us) generally do not scrutinise us making a mental note of each feature, and that what I think I look like isn’t at all how I actually look to others. He makes the point that PPs have made- that others see our face in animation- laughing, speaking, frowning etc. A photo can never capture the essence of how we actually look in real life. And the unique facial expressions, mannerisms and voice etc of our loved ones are often what makes them so attractive to us!

Interesting! And horrific 😀😀 at the same time!

I always thought I didn't photograph well but now I know I'm simply fat 😂

Yes! I remember a hairdresser once took a photo of an up-style she did (which was hideous, btw) but she had taken photos at different angles, including the side, and I remember being really shocked too seeing my nose and overbite

Are they called San and Tray?!

I totally relate to this

i am short (ie most people down on me… most photos are from these angles) and didn’t realise until last week I have VERY visible nostrils 😅😅 like remarkably visible

i kinda can’t unsee it… but i am also 40 now so 🤷🏻‍♀️

really glad I didn’t realise at 22 as I’d have been googling rhinoplasty surgeons immediately

There’s something called a ‘true mirror’ which shows you exactly how you look to other people.
I saw a video of people looking in it on YouTube or somewhere and they were all astounded at how they looked in real life to other peopl. I couldn’t tell the difference in the reflection they showed compared to how they look so I was a bit confused.
There is seemingly a ‘true mirror’ app but I couldn’t get it to work. I should probably be grateful for that because I don’t think I look too horrendous- although accidentally taking a photo underneath my nose when I dropped my phone was a revelation. I had no idea my nostrils weren’t identical!

I do the same smile in every photo. Always have. It’s clearly some automatic thing that happens when I so much as glimpse a camera.
So that’s pretty much how I thought I looked all the time. Until zoom and MS Teams meetings where I realised that, at rest, I either look extremely grumpy or slack-jawed stupid.

I look in the mirror and I think I'm not bad for my age. Then I put my glasses on, and an old woman is looking back at me.
I object to this.
If my glasses are correcting my sight, that means that everyone else is seeing the 'old woman', yes?

Don't worry, our sight isn't getting any better either