Does anyone here “power dress” for confidence?

[Shortassneedstopowerdress]

Basically, I’m the only woman on my team and I’ve noticed a little more sexism of late than ever before. I’m not yet 40 and have never really experienced it before at this level.

HR are aware of the issue as they witnessed it themselves on a group call. And were shocked by what they saw. In the meantime, while extra training is being arranged I’d like to dress a little more “powerful” (I know that’s not the right word! But you know what I mean!) as my confidence has been knocked a bit.

I don’t mean Maggie Thatcher style…

3 out of 4 new hires have made derogatory comments. It’s a male industry and they’re of all different ages so no idea where it’s all coming from.

My colouring is Bright Spring. Would red work? Most work is online so they only really see my top half 😂

Any help would be great!

As a woman in leadership I have found power dressing can help at times. Bright/bold colours can make you feel good/confident. Whilst it is not necessarily right that dress makes a difference in real life it does. If I have a difficult meeting or similar I do ramp up,the outfit to add height/weight (I’m petite). You could try and see if it makes a difference.

There's a woman on instagram called The Style Bob, she works with corporates on dressing for confidence, might be worth a look.

Sounds like a horrible situation OP, I hope these dreadful men change their ways.

since this is S&B I won’t get into the awfulness of your situation and will assume that the derogatory comments are being treated seriously and addressed appropriately.

I’ll also caveat my thoughts with yes you shouldn’t have to etc etc but

yes as a female leader in a male dominated corporate role I absolutely dress for confidence and success. If there’s a difficult conversation to be had I always wear a jacket whether it’s a blazer or a tweedy Chanel style crop and always have my hair styled and make up on. It gives me confidence but I also think reinforcing that you are a serious professional helps and whether we like it or not (see above) the way we dress sends messages about who we are and our status.

It shouldn’t be on you to change your behaviour, what an absolute shit show.

But to your question… I work in a totally different type of role - I’m a lecturer in a creative area so dress pretty casually. However I am a big believer in look good/feel good, and always think more about what I am wearing if I have a tricky day ahead. For me it’s great lipstick (always red), a lovely perfume (my go-to would be Chanel 19), and an outfit that makes me feel 10/10. If you’re mainly working remotely do you have some jewellery that makes you feel fab? During Covid and teaching on Teams I converted to wearing gold hoop earrings and now have a selection of really nice pairs.

Not power dressing as such for me (also a creative, but client facing role).

I do prefer to be the smartest person in a meeting full of men iykwim. I'm off to meeting now with a client who will be wearing polo shirts and jeans. I have on a reasonably structured dress, styled hair, make up etc. Somehow I like to think it makes me look the most on it, prepared person in the room. They probably don't consciously notice, but I feel better!

And yes, what the others say - what a shit show. Especially new hires! I hope it's being addressed sensibly. I am sure you are by far the most competent person in the room!

Horrible situation to be in. Shows their inadequacies up in full view.

I also work in a male dominated large corp and work mainly from home. I have a simple uniform of vest tops in white, black or blue then about 20 different coloured blazers (bought over years in sales at hobbs, lk Bennett etc) that I put on over the vest top. Hair up, bold make up (needs a bit more eyeliner for screens I think) and a bold deep rose lipstick.

I'm over 50 though so aware this look might be a bit dated.

I’m furious for you, but will also, as this is S and B assume, like pps, that this is being appropriately dealt with. I’m an academic, and men dress very casually. My ‘power dress’ in this scenario is to dress equally casually, and assert my power precisely by not doing extra grooming, dressing carefully because I’m a woman. I recognise that’s probably not for you, though.

These people were making derogatory comments about your clothing, appearance, work capabilities? None of that is acceptable.
I can't bear the idea that to combat sexist bullying in the workplace I should spend hours and fortunes plastering makeup on hundreds of pounds a month maintaining my hair.
I'd be tempted to dress pretty harshly. Collared white shirt buttoned up high and a dark smart jacket. But I'd be standing in the dole queue before I'd spend ages on hair and makeup for zoom calls with a load of chauvinistic twats.

Have a look at Amy cuddy on Ted talks / YouTube.

use body language to your advantage.

@BobbyBiscuits I’m not looking to spend hours and fortunes on makeup and hair. I was just hoping for some guidance to stop blending in / shying away & being meek with my clothes 😊

Hey @Rondel - very good point made. Today I tried wearing the polo shirt uniform that the men tend to wear. It’s a black polo shirt with the company name and my job title on the side.

I think this helped quite considerably and actually helped me feel more “technical” in client calls as well.

I didn’t expect to feel so confident so I’ll be ordering more uniform!

I’m not sure what to wear on the bottom half though.

@DancingNotDrowning Thank you! It’s such a rubbish situation. My HR department has been absolutely amazing. I genuinely feel protected and they’re taking it all very seriously. I’ve never had such a good HR team before!

Thanks everyone for your help. I am mixed on what to wear still. I’m a civil engineer and we can either wear uniform or wear smart clothes.

I usually dress quite smart but today I swapped to the company uniform of a company branded polo shirt and I noticed a real change. Sometimes male clients can be very dismissive of a female engineer and I noticed today that I was being treated more equally by colleagues and clients.

However I will watch those Ted Talks about body language and I still need to think of what to wear on the bottom half.

I also want a smart casual blazer to wear on top of my uniform. So I’m still the smartest in the group but also in my casual uniform. 😂 sounds very odd!

But please don’t worry - I am being well looked after but yes, definitely an uptick in sexism for whatever reason.

You say most of your work is online, but do you ever need to go onsite as well? I'm wondering if something like smart walking trousers or the equivalent of women's chino's could complete your look.

23yo DD is very keen on the 'clean girl / old money aesthetic' Sun on the likes of TikTok (hear me out).

Anyway she suffers from similar issues in a vaguely similar role (involves crawling in roof spaces some times, other times she's in client meetings)

Her approach is to team a polo (with collar up, and front half tuck to remain current ) and blazer, with wide leg tailored trousers or pencil skirt for meetings then ditch the blazer and put on cargo trousers for the practical stuff.

She's handy with a needle so got the largest size available and then tailored the fit by darting and taking in the sides to make the polo more flattering.

@SevernWonders you absolute legend! Thank you so much!! I love this style and idea very much and it works perfectly for me and my role.

Kudos to your DD!

I’ve never experienced sexism until now so it’s not common (as far as I know!)

Shortassneedstopowerdress

I felt really sad when I read your follow up because my 14-year-old daughter desperately wants to be a mechanical engineer, and it is horrible to think that women and engineering still face these challenges. It is crappy to think that women have to communicate their power through anything other than their abilities, but I guess that’s the way it is in some industries.

I do not really power dress for my professional role. However, I do a (related) pro bono role in which I advocate for very vulnerable children who have often been repeatedly failed by powerful systems. When I attend meetings with them, or on their behalf, I often put on my battle dress!

When professional attendees hear the word advocate, I think they are sometimes expecting a smiley lady in something floaty and floral. They certainly sit up and listen more when I join them.

I’m not a great fan of wearing brightly coloured clothes, and I think they can sometimes make you stand out in the wrong way if they do not suit you and you are wearing them for effect. But I know that some people can really make them work.

My preferred battle dress at the moment are dresses from The Fold, which are beautifully tailored and look as expensive as they actually are. I also have a couple of their gorgeous blazers which I wear with slim trousers and heels.

Here is one of my current favourites:

thefoldlondon.com/product/camelot-dress-navy-crepe/

I have to admit, I do get a bit of a kick out of being the (at least sartorially) smartest person in the room. And I think it is really important that the kids I work with know that I take my work for them really, really seriously.

General authority dressing points from my style consultation-
Jacket/tailoring
Well chosen jewellery/accessories/glasses
If not a jacket, something with a collar eg shirt
Tidy hair (not fluffy/messy)
Lipstick if you go for make up
Block colours and element of dark/contrast
Don't wear cardigans

But also, you need to look authentic and comfortable, as far as possible, not like you've dressed up as Cruella de Vil, and about the right level of formality or slightly smarter.

I'm a civil engineer too, it's not as bad as it used to be but there are these pockets of the 1970s about.

It probably helps to wear something that makes it clear you are on the technical team, not just a smart project manager for example . Also make it clear at introductions what your role is, "I'm Shortass and I'm bridges team leader on this project, Joe and Bill here are in my team" . I wish my company did a shirt with my job title! I hope it's a ladies fit polo too. On the bottom I'd suggest navy camel or cream trousers in the shape that suits you best and smart boots or loafers. Boden /Hobbs type stretch tailored trousers, not jeans or chinos. I prefer to cover my legs up at work unless it's a heatwave.

If you get an inappropriate comment in a meeting I have a phrase "Oh dear, I think you need to go on the diversity training after that comment" said in a way that could be light-hearted. Then if they apologize you can smooth over, if they dig in "I don't bother with that rubbish" you can say, " I wasn't joking, but anyway let's move on".

I've found once people know me I get respect for technical knowledge, but it's hard with people new to the company who may have worked in different cultures.

Some people just have more natural authority than others. If you are short, feminine and have a naturally soft/dainty or young look, you may have to compensate a bit with how you present yourself at work - no harm trying.

@MaGueule IME this kind of sexism is the exception, not the rule - I'd really hope your DD wouldn't be out off an engineering job.
Also @Shortassneedstopowerdress are you in the Bold as Brass group in LinkedIn?

In my experience women in engineering are more accepted than they were. I graduated 22 years ago and was one of very few. When I started teaching there was a real lad culture to the students we got. They would openly look at page 3 and lads mags or make remarks about passing girls. I think the companies have clamped down on behaviour a lot as well as social views changing as it is not really like that any more. I'm not saying they are saints and we never ever hear anything we shouldn't but it is the exception rather than the norm now. And there are far more female students too. I'd be inclined to say company uniform type dress for a more "official" look. If not actual uniform similar style items. That said, I wear cargo pants and doc martens for work. They are ideal in the labs. A few days ago I was at a conference and had chino type trousers, summer shoes and a nice T shirt, with my uni hoodie for the outer layer.

I do change my outfits depending on how I'm feeling, in all situations. So at work I power dress for big meetings or where I need to feel like I've 'got this'. In my personal life if I'm seeing people who I know to be a bit bitchy etc I tend to wear things I've been complimented on in the past or things I feel good in, when I'm with my besties I wear things I'm comfortable in and don't give how I look too much thought. Think dressing for the situation can really affect your mindset!