If you have a job where looking good is 'essential'

[Allwelcone]

So this is an aspect of my new job which I'm coming to terms with. Any tips on what I can do? Theres an event next week wherebill be very much 'on show'. I'm late 40s, what says groomed, professional, and attractive all at once to you all?

I think attractive is actually the wrong word. Unless your job is model or actor, no one needs to be attractive in their job. Well groomed and well presented is a better aim. And yes, people who are well turned out are often taken more seriously

@Allwelcone so am I but no one cares by lunchtime. Less make up is easier to deal with - I don't wear it normally so I can literally feel it on my face and my skin protesting.

I have some setting spray which helps a little.

@Comedycook yes point taken 'attractive' a bit judge-y

You're not alone... 😹

@jannier Yes attractive is the wrong word.
@goingdownfighting my knowledgeable daughter told me that spray works even better if under make up too.
Must be hard having to look immaculate, I see some of those enquiries on tv and wonder how some of them manage. Ditto the MPs, they always look great imo after a full day's work being interviewed on the evening news.

For my job I have to give off an instant I know what I'm talking about but I'm totally approachable and we're all here together in a safe space vibe.

Often I only have 90 minutes engaging and yet I'm measured on how effective my actions were in that time.

You need an air of confidence to carry it off. If part of the confidence is in looking attractive then you're not letting the sisterhood down by sticking some mascara on and dressing to suit your body type.

It's crap but true that people don't take you seriously or think you have anything important to say if you look a mess, seem uncomfortable or not put together. Sadly this is especially true for middle aged women.

What suits you? What do you feel confident wearing? Wear that.

If you're not physically comfortable or trying to be someone you're not, it'll show in your body language and demeanour. Be true to who you really are.

Hope it goes well :)

@2pence it odd when the job becomes 'acting isn't it (although I'm sure you do know what you're talking about!).
Yes something I can slide about in being sociable and at ease would be good.

I think it's kind of the opposite vibe really. It's actually about knowing who you are and what suits you and being comfortable in your own skin.

I could probably pull off an act for 90 minutes if I really had to but I find I don't make the same impact if I'm pretending to be what I'm not. Like at job interviews for example, I do so much better if I just bowl up in my everyday workwear and present as myself.

Also, if you're inviting people to trust you but you're not being authentic then their intuition picks up that something's off.

I think the basics would be:

Good hair cut/ style
Manicure
Good fitting clothes
Decent shoes
Nice handbag
Some basic accessories

Usually conservatively dressed and 'neat' makes more sense than attractive in my opinion (apart from for being an 'influencer' maybe LOL).

Good haircare, good smell (or even no smell), attention paid to body hair perhaps. Also coordinating colours.

If you're looking for slighty more subtle you can get blackhead removers (they're slightly strange just scrape down face) and I've just heard about Tongue Scraping for oral hygiene (sounds gnarly doesnt it?)

Best Regards

Make up artists don't get sucked in

Isn't it just a matter of self respect to be at your best at work? Tidy hair, make up, nails and clothes - why wouldn't you?

I think it's hair. I used to dress very well for work but my hair let me down, and I did get pulled up on it a few times ( 20 years ago!) I still think hair is what ages you look groomed though.

When I was 20 I worked as a hostess for a very expensive posh restaurant. Someone that I knew worked there and she told me “call in to drop off your CV in person so that the manager sees you” so I did and he offered me a trial shift without even looking at my CV. I was told I had to wear make up, heels, skirts and tights and be dressed up on shift. I get it because if you’re the hostess you’re the first thing people see when they walk in, but thought it was completely OTT. My back was in bits from having to do long shifts in heels all the time, and I left because it wasn’t worth it. A job that relies on your looks rather than your ability wears thin after a while.

But to answer your questions.. clean hair, nice ironed clothes, light make up that’s neatly applied rather than caked on, and smelling nice.

If I don't get my nails done, does that mean I don't respect myself? Really?

@sweetnessandlighter no of course not but not bitten down nails that are raggy and messy.

Putting aside the horrible sexism...
Clean and neat sleek hair, nails manicured and painted neutral. Clean ironed smart clothes. Discreet jewellery. Natural looking make up - tidy up brows and tint.

I avoided lots of job vacancies for receptionist jobs because it was clear they wanted the 'trolley dolly' ex cabin crew look. I like make up but that is not me. However when I spoke to another reception she pooh-poohed the description! I cannot wear suits I would be fighting to get out of them (sad, because I like the look on other people!). I am lucky that we can wear jeans here, though of course I do try to look tidy-ish. Hard with frizzy hair.

Ooof, been there done that, thankfully now WFH in my jamas 🤫

You've received some good advice, but think I'd go with tights over tan, purely because it can look cheap unless done professionally and if it rains during your walk it's game over..
On that subject, take a brolly, the drowned rat on arrival look never goes down well (speaking from experience) 😬

Hi OP, my formula is leather shoes (flat, comfy, but trendy and smart), good quality trousers (not too wide cut which can look a bit holiday/informal) and a tailored jacket over a silk top. White shoes and jacket in particular look smart but I have noticed white is becoming a bit ubiquitous.

I recently tried a fuchsia pink tailored jacket after a Thai friend told me to see pink as a neutral - "the navy of south-east asia".

I've always worked in jobs where looking smart and professional is important. If attractive was required I'd be doomed 😆

It is true that attractive people generally are more successful though.

Side reflection - an American friend (woman) recently commented that she can't believe how many British politicians are unattractive and ungroomed, they'd not get far in the careers looking like that in the US!

I know its sexist but UK we get off lightly compared to the US, where being well groomed is a major expectation in the majority of professions. Grateful for the British commitment to scruffiness, although undoubtedly men get away with it more than women!

Making sure that you look clean and tidy and have clean and suitable clothes is a normal expectation at work.

Expecting women specifically to look 'attractive' and wear specific clothes and make up is very different and not acceptable and is discriminatory because male employees are not held to the same standards.

Well expecting their politicians to be well groomed and attractive in the U.S. isn’t exactly getting them candidates with intellectual rigour and/or morals is it (though I suppose that could be said about the U.K in some cases).