Obsessing over appearance

[coolcoolcoolcool]

I've always been very self conscious about the way I look and hated my appearance my teens and 20's were just wasted worrying about my skin / teeth / weight etc.

When I had my children in my early 30's I seemed to get a new lease for life and I was a lot more happy and confident in my own skin. I wasn't worrying about weight / wrinkles / what I wore and I loved it.

Kids are now a bit older (still primary) but the cycle of self loathing has reared its ugly head again. I'm constantly looking at myself in the mirror and wanting to change everything. Ive started obsessing over my skin and how old I look.

I am self employed, have two young kids, go to the gym 3 times a week, see friends have hobbies and volunteer and have a lovely husband so it's not like I'm not busy and have nothing better to do than mope over my looks.

Does anyone have any hints or tips of how to snap out of this. It just takes the fun out of life.

This is probably the very definition of a first world problem so apologies in advance.

As a psychologist, I'd recommend... a psychologist 😅 no but in all seriousness, I'm not sure hints and tips will be that helpful. It would be good for you to have an understanding of why you see yourself in this way. X

@littleteapot86 I appreciate your honest advice . Sadly I think you are probably right.

Sorry you feel like this. I have primary secondary school children and whilst there are things about me I don't particularly like in really conscious about not letting my DDs pick up on this from me and don't want to make them feel like they have issues. Sounds like some counselling might help you x

As a disabled woman I just want to say that the best thing you can do is focus on your body as a tool for life rather than something to be viewed. I would love to be able to jump around and play with my kids. My goodness I bought some veggies to plant and couldnt even bend over to do that without my husband taking over, life has become very restrictive. I urge you to look at your body as something that created your beautiful children and to nourish it with positive thoughts and good food/exercise rather than ever put it down. I still love my body, despite its failings because it gave me my children and even though I can't do much, my body will swim in the pool for me four times a week and I adore that sense of freedom and exercise.

Please OP, consider all the wonderful things about this body you have been blessed with and that your partner and children love. You are worth more than the negativity you have become accustomed to pushing on yourself. You are a mother, you are amazing.

Thanks @Yellowflowers7 I am really conscious of this also, I would never say anything negative about myself in front of them. I talk about how I go to the gym to get strong and healthy and because my body enjoys it etc not lose weight. But appreciate you mentioning it.

@IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour thanks for your beautiful post. That is very true and a brilliant outlook on life.

I wish you the very best. I know it sounds cheesy but I really think some positive affirmations would be super beneficial for you. Stand in the mirror and say nice things about yourself, it sounds like you're stuck in a negative spiral of thoughts and you can train yourself out of them. I am massively overweight (its hard not to be when you can't walk) and I still say nice things about myself. I think my face is aging really beautifully because I have denied the botox and fillers that so many of my generation have become reliant on. Not that I look negatively at other women but I am happy with my face and how natural it is compared to some.

Please be kind to you, it sounds to me like you are a normal looking person who can gym and move and be a great mother and partner. Thats your bodies job - being perfect is a fools errand and stops you accepting the absolute joy and wonder that is normality.

My tip is to convince yourself you are x10 better looking than you are. Then you find you never think about your appearance. This has honestly worked for me! But I do it strategically so I don't have to obssess about what is wrong with my appearance.

Are you on social media? If so get off it. Yes I know MN is social media too.

I can relate OP! I’m the same.

I’ve come to realise that a lot of my self-worth is wrapped up in my looks. For people of our age I think at least some of this stems from pop culture / reality TV / magazines in the late 1990s and early 2000s when we were teenagers, as this was all quite toxic. It’s really not healthy.

I try and channel it into things I can control as much as possible (clothes, fitness etc) and avoid obsessing over things I can’t change. I find this works ok but I would love to be one of those people who just doesn’t think that much about appearance full stop.