What to wear to a graduation (guest)

[TigerMa]

Possibly a daft question but here we are. My eldest is graduating from uni in July and she's invited her dad and me to attend the ceremony. I have offered a few outfits for myself and she disses my choices saying, 'This is not what one wears to a graduation'. I'm planning to wear the same outfit, whatever it is, for a colleague's wedding in June.
I've checked online, I've read some stuff and the attire I chose seems pretty much in line with what it says about guests at graduation events, so what am I missing?
I bought a heavy embroidered asymmetric occasion Next skirt, sadly I still can't properly zip it at the waist, but my DD frowned at my suggestion to wear it to both the wedding and her graduation (assuming I manage to lose a few centimetres at the waistline). She doesn't approve of any of my existing dresses (admittedly semi-formal but can be dressed up). I last ordered this kaftan, and it is yet to arrive but apparently, it's not good either. I planned to dress it up with some statement jewellery and high-heeled sandals. I'm getting a bit frustrated, as it is hard enough as it is to find a suitable gown when one doesn't have much of a waistline and doesn't want to spend much either.

Her dad will be wearing jeans and a nice pink shirt to match her pink dress (which looks like an evening gown to me, long and one shoulder strap). I'm attributing all this to different cultures and different times, but I still need help. Is the kaftan a horrible or silly suggestion? What does one wear?
TigerMa·Original·Today 13:46
Possibly a daft question but here we are. My eldest is graduating from uni in July and she's invited her dad and me to attend the ceremony. I have offered a few outfits for myself and she disses my choices saying, 'This is not what one wears to a graduation'. I'm planning to wear the same outfit, whatever it is, for a colleague's wedding in June.
I've checked online, I've read some stuff and the attire I chose seems pretty much in line with what it says about guests at graduation events, so what am I missing?
I bought a heavy embroidered occasion asymmetric occasion Next skirt, sadly I still can't properly zip it at the waist, but my DD frowned at my suggestion to wear it to both the wedding and her graduation (assuming I manage to lose a few centimetres at the waistline). She doesn't approve of any of my existing dresses (admittedly semi-formal but can be dressed up). I last ordered this kaftan, and it is yet to arrive but apparently, it's not good either. I planned to dress it up with some statement jewellery and high-heeled sandals. I'm getting a bit frustrated, as it is hard enough as it is to find a suitable gown when one doesn't have much of a waistline and doesn't want to spend much either.

Her dad will be wearing jeans and a nice pink shirt to match her pink dress (which looks like an evening gown to me, long and one shoulder strap). I'm attributing all this to different cultures and different times, but I still need help. Is the kaftan a horrible or silly suggestion? What does one wear?

Parents and guests wear all sorts - from dresses to jeans and a top. Wear what’s good for you. DDs are not supposed to like what their mum wears (it would be weird if they did 😂)

I wore a dress and sandals for three graduations and didn’t feel out of place .

Yeah, that's why I'm so confused by this response - I've not been to a graduation before other than my own where it was super informal and in another country, but I don't think anyone at all will be looking at me, it is not about me at all. It's not even a wedding where people will be taking pictures and people know other people etc., so it semi-matters what you wear. I'll be sat with the rest of the audience at her graduation.
I had some very nice occasion dresses I wore to weddings before but I can no longer fit in them, otherwise I'd still be using them.

You will be in photos with your daughter and those photos will last her lifetime. wear what you feel comfortable in. If you want to buy something new then most people will be in summer dresses maybe with a matching jacket.

I wore an Anthropologie maxi dress and a jacket last summer. Dh wore chinos, shirt and jacket and younger ds wore a suit. Most of the men were in smart trousers and jackets. I am not sure either of yours quite fit the bill, although i love the kaftan!! In the end it is a happy day so wear something you feel good in.

Hmm …

The skirt looks … winter-y and a bit dowdy. The dress is coastal holiday wear. So I can’t disagree with your DD I’m afraid!

It really doesn’t matter that you think no one will be looking at you. It’s still worth making the effort to wear something vaguely appropriate that will be comfortable on the day and also look good in photos for the next several decades.

Do you have a budget for a new dress or top and skirt / trousers? What size are you? Sure we can find you something lovely.

I would have been very glad if my father could have attended any of my graduations. He would have been gobsmacked if anyone suggested he wear jeans to such an event. Obviously people can wear what they want - but a graduation represents something important - it’s nice to acknowledge that in one’s attire.

Wedding guest outfits are not necessarily the same btw. You want ‘everyday smart’ for a graduation, not ‘occasion wear’.

I'm a bit unsure why I've left people with the impression I'll dress horribly and will look awful at pictures but I attribute this to poor articulation on my side.
Yes sure re help with outfits - that's why I posted here, to ask what do people wear at graduations, preferably with pictures (not necessarily their own ofc) to illustrate. Please throw all the pictures or links at me!
I'm size 10-12, 5'3-4", I dislike one shoulder, off shoulder, miniskirts but also midi length, and bodycons.
I have formal tops suitable for events and appropriate formal trousers - these weren't deemed acceptable for the event, but she has not told me what she wants me to wear either.

DD insists it is occasion wear. My smart casual stuff wasn't approved.
She's the one who picked her dad's outfit to match her pink dress. The wedding we're attending is with 'smart casual' dresscode too, it is not going to be super dressy event.

I wore this but it was in light pink https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/the-somerset-maxi-dress3 i am tall though and it was long! I had a bright blue jacket from vinted and bright blue satin pointed toed ballet pumps from ASOS.

DD insists it is occasion wear. My smart casual stuff wasn't approved.
She's the one who picked her dad's outfit to match her pink dress.

Seems odd he's allowed to wear jeans and a nice shirt and you're not - or even trousers smarter than jeans!

@ErrolTheDragon yes, isn't it? Double standards, lol.

@mumonthehill this dress is so lovely!

Was just about to say Dad shouldn't really be wearing jeans.... Also, you might gently suggest to your DD that long dresses look awful under Graduation gowns, and are not recommended. Graduations are not "occasion" wear, they are smart day wear. Most Mums will be in summer dresses and smart shoes. Dad's in chinos and jackets or summer suits. Graduating boys wear suits. Graduating girls do tend to wear a spectrum, some way ott, but again most wear short smart summer dresses.

Just noticed DD also one shouldered. Up to her, but the gown and hood will not be secure. She will spend the entire time hoiking it up.

At a lower price this is the sort of thing I’d expect to see being worn by graduands’ female relatives:

https://sisterjane.com/collections/dresses/products/vine-jacquard-midi-dress?edit=one

Or this:

https://www.plumo.com/products/Arlow-Dress.html

Or this:

https://www.plumo.com/products/Hanna-Belted-Dress.html

Or this!

https://www.ladoublej.com/en/ready-to-wear/our-categories/dresses/la-comasca-shirt-dress-daisychain-black-DRE0637JER034ROP01BL01.html

I have worked at more graduation ceremonies than I can count and the guests wear a real mix of outfits from fairly casual to occasion wear to national dress. I can't ever really recall a time where I have commented or remember what a guest is wearing as they are mainly just sitting in the audience or getting photos. So really I would say anything goes, whatever you feel most comfortable in.

Some ideas here.https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/5050969-what-did-you-wear-for-your-dcs-graduation?reply=134583865

I wore a silk shirt dress to dd's graduation and some wide leg linen trousers with a silk shirt to ds's. I felt smart and was definitely in the 'middle ground' in terms of what others were wearing. Smart day wear was definitely the norm.

Dd wore a dress a bit like this under her gown:

https://www.nobodyschild.com/products/green-ditsy-floral-felicia-midi-dress

Your dd needs to rethink her own outfit - the gowns need something to attach to and with one shoulder she will struggle.

For my son's I wore white, wide leg linen/cotton trousers (smart) with a pink, 1960s linen jacket. I knew my son was wearing a suit and he's normally a casual dresser so I took my cue from that. It was a few years ago and their first graduation ceremony since the pandemic so possibly things were a bit more celebratory and dressed up than usual but I felt my outfit was about right: there were lots of pretty dresses, some of them long - but not evening wear.

We spent a lot of time standing around and walking to picturesque photo venues so I'd wear comfortable shoes.

I also worked for years near a venue used for graduation ceremonies and, on the whole, the parents dressed up - not quite to wedding levels but not that far off (but no hats).

"Graduations are not "occasion" wear, they are smart day wear. Most Mums will be in summer dresses and smart shoes."

Thank you! Exactly what I told her, but she doesn't trust me, and since I'm not born and raised in the UK, she trumps me with "You don't really know how things are done here for graduation", which is true.
So it would appear I do know what to wear, even if she doesn't approve. We will get there.
Thank you for all the suggestions. Yes re dad and jeans, I do think so as well. And I will tell DD all your advice re her own gown although I doubt she'll take much notice, but that's her day, so I will advise and she will do what she likes.

Tbh I would go with
A) black/grey/navy shift dress I can wear to multiple other occasions and some brighter (pink) accessorize/shoes.
B) Jeans and pink top.

I have been to two graduations and attending another one in July in London. I have worn dresses from Hobbs, Anthropologie and will be wearing something from & Other Stories this year. Jeans is not really appropriate. Best stick to smart casual wear.

The dresses suggested by KomproMatilda and Rebootnecessary and Moulook31's suggestions are spot on. The Plumo one is very similar to what I wore to my son's. My son wore a suit, as did his father. Jeans and a pink shirt for your husband are just wrong - he's going to a formal, moment in life event, - not down the pub with his mates. I don't like either of your choices- particularly the kaftan, which to me is simultaneously OTT and dull.

It seems to be the way now that female graduates go over the top on what to me look like evening wear and , whilst it's all subjective to me look bloody awful and wildly inappropriate. Male graduates seem to stick to suits.

At DDs recently, most of the dads were in suits or trousers and a jacket, but there were some in 'smart' jeans too.

The real dress code there was for the graduands not the parents - dark (I think black) suit, skirt, trousers, with a white shirt. I know not many unis do this now but it's probably what works best with a gown and hood. The latter should have a loop to attach it to a shirt button. In practice this may not work so well on the women as it does on the blokes so the hood may need pinning to the gown to keep it sitting in place anyway. Ordinary dressmakers pins work.

I wore this Next linen dress with a pale blue unlined linen coat and flat white sandals and it felt perfect :) it was an incredibly hot day!