Nearly 40 and depressed af

[Theedgeoftheabyss]

Have a busy job teaching. A five year old. I like a shadow of myself from just a few years ago. I can't be bothered with makeup anymore. I don't really do skincare anymore. I used to enjoy that sort of thing but now it's just so bloody boring and I just cannot be bothered. I take sertraline but generally feel like I'm either stressed to my eyeballs or numb. So basically this has impacted on how I look. I just think I look permanently exhausted. Like, I sleep pretty well but I wake up looking worn out. I know I should do more exercise, eat more healthily but I really can't face it. I've probably posted in the wrong place but maybe people could give some suggestions to perk me up skincare wise. Just typing this is giving me a lump in my throat.

I hear you

I spent my late 40's and most of my 50's on sertraline, I know how you feel,that you are going through the motions of living

But you have posted. Thats you waking up from this fog that sertraline engulfs you in

So for me it was tiny tiny tiny baby steps

I now have a skin care regime, so bloody cheap and simple, I feel bad about it lol.

I use a foam cleanser - Superdrug's. I use Lidl serum and moisturiser and night cream. I use a supermarket hyaluronic acid most mornings and a Vit C serum at night. Just a really really simple skin care regime, beside the bathroom mirror - 2 mins

And that skin care regime , as basic and cheap as it is, has improved my skin 10 fold. Ill never be an oil painting, im frugly, but my skin with all its age spots, wrinkle and redness looks good

So then I thought about a bit of make up. I can put my hands up and say Ive bought 10 foundations this year. Not all these designer ones, I live rural, its supermarket ones, but Im now settled with Laura Geller balance and brighten - it really doesnt settle on lines and you just buff it on, 5 mins is all it take to put a polished face on. Sure it doesnt cover, but it just make whats there not look so bad

Every tiny step i take means I take another. A month ago I was happy with just blending out the skin tone, then I got happy with a bit of blush, now Im wearing a wee bit of mascara. Seriously tiny tiny steps Im taking, Getting used to wearing just one product, then adding another

I have also cleaned up my diet, again simple steps, introduced more veg and having veg with every meal, cutting the beige. No longer is it a bacon butty, its a BLT on wholemeal. And I walk. OMG do I walk. At least 6 miles a day, usually more. Walk the dog, walk just for the joy of it or walk of anger and stress. But the steps are put in

You know , you are ready to make the changes. Those changes only need to be minute. I started my change 22 April last year, a year, and Im still making them

Sorry OP, this sounds really tough. I hope you have a good support network.

It might be worth going to your GP for further help.

When I was in a tough place a few years ago, it was a case of baby steps e.g. week one - increase water intake (a time marked bottle might help)
week two - healthy breakfast daily (for me, porridge with fruit on top)
week three - make a smoothie a few times a week (to keep costs low I used frozen spinach and carrot, and then topped that up with some fresh/frozen fruit)
week four - a few times a week

Some GPs prescribe exercise as a prescription, this really helped me through difficult times.

Self care (skincare routine included) went out of the window. If you're the same, would it help to have essential bits by your bedside table (e.g. toothpaste and brush, floss, cleanser, flannel, moisturiser)?

I hope things get better soon

Veg box, veg box, veg box. Great for you and for the five year old. And if you sign up for a weekly organic one it will cost so much money (compared to supermarket stuff) you’ll be determined to consume every last leaf every week. It’s stealth skincare and will have a positive effect on your mood. Also fun to eat with minimal preparation.

Firstly it’s normal and tough and exhausting….but it’s a bit like the gym. You’re too tired to go but do, then you go a few times and get into it, then when you go even more, you find not only are you not tired after the gym but you have extra energy on top. It’s a bit like that.

If you push through and start, you will release dopamine??? Or something and start feeling better so carry on, then you will start to look better too and then it snowballs. If it makes you feel better then it’s all a good thing.

Are you still on sertraline? I just feel like I'm not feeling anything most of the time. Like, I'll smile or laugh because I know that's the emotion something elicits. Not because my body feels happy. If that makes sense. I slapped a pad of cleanser on my face before bed so that's something.

Wondering how long you’ve been on your meds? Certainly sounds like they need adjusting, or backing up with some therapy if possible?

I do know how you feel though. That’s a lot on your plate and sounds like you need a break

Oh OP I feel for you 💐😔 You're going through a a really rough time. Does it really matter about the skincare? Is that the biggest problem here?

Went on for post natal depression and anxiety. That was shortly after birth of child. Might be the longest I've been on anti ds so far.

Sorry that things are so hard. Could you go back to the GP?

I took myself off them last summer. I was lucky that I didnt have a problem with withdrawal. I started with just missing a couple of doses a week, them missed a few more until I went a whole week then just stopped. Thats not advice Im giving btw. Some people have a very hard time getting off meds. Seroxet , which I had been on before took three years to get off completely. You do need to discuss coming off them with your HC provider

Yes, on anti D's is like living a half life. You dont feel the highs and lows, but that is the aim, to keep you balanced so you dont go crashing down. During the first lockdown I had to up my dose because the anxiety became crippling again - which with us being bombarded with project fear was totally understandable

Do you have access to any kind of therapy? Through the GP, workplace or union? .

Im obviously a lot older then yourself and have a completely different life , my life experiences are probably miles away from yours. But what we have is a shared experience of needing medication for part of our life and then coming to the realisation that we are only living a half life and wanting to make that change. Its then finding a way to get there. You need support and support comes from so many places, not just therapy. I have looked long and hard at my relationships with the people in my life and have ditched those that are not supportive of me , the ones who are all take and give nothing back. Ive found a hobby that I like - walking - and I walk with those who also like walking - its support. I go to a weight loss group every week, Im no longer losing weight, I go for the support it gives and so I too can support others. My friendships now are with people who get that I can be miserable and moody and stroppy that particular moment in time and full of fun and laughter another time. That I mess up, that Im human and they accept it and stick with me

Well done for the cleanser. Tiny first step

Thanks. Think I need to go back to doctors and review.

Its a good start, along with the cleanser :)

You will get there, might take the scenic route as I often do, but you will get there xxx

I've started using CeraVe hydrating cleanser. It's basically a facial wash. It makes my skin feel very fresh and clean and perky. It's not too pricey and you can get it in Boots and Superdrug.

No advice on the mental side of things, but I do my “bedtime skincare” pretty much straight after work. I am very lazy and if I left it until actual bedtime I might not bother, but I actually quite like the feeling of taking off the day, settling into home mode - makeup off, contact lenses out, comfy clothes on. Might that be something to consider, maybe when your wee one is in the bath or whatever you could do your face?

You're amazing 👏 well done

I completely get it. I'm on sertraline. Best medication I've been on (never take venlafaxine) n yeh I'm the same. I was doing my skincare foundation caring about what I wore and my hair. N them bam the summer sad kicked in and I look like I do. N people think oh that's vanity worrying how u look but it's not if you know ur at your worst. N people treat u differently. When the glows gone n uve threw yourself together in the half an hour ud rather have spent in bed. Big hugs. I am also watching this post for tips xx