I know I have unhealthy relationship with buying clothes - due to growing surrounded by scarcity - both money and availability, former Soviet Union falling apart, useless father. My Mum and I were the same size in my teens and her forties, and had to buy clothes for “the best” that worked for us both to wear in turn. Lots of DIY and second hand, with all the insecurities that can inflict on a teen. At the time, some kids already crossed into capitalism, it was hard for many, not just me.
I have always loved clothes (same kicks as experiences for others, so please do not judge). In another life, I could have pursued stylist route. I had a list of my wardrobe for every stage of life, imagining how I would look grown up. Beige trousers, light pink fluffy jumpers, leather bag over arm. I savoured Burda whenever I could get one, and later any fashion mag available.
My Mum sew well and knitted, and I knitted well from age 8. I used to go to sleep, working out how much lilac wool I need to make a set of accessories or what colour bright tights would work with most of what I had.
In my twenties I moved to the UK and still on limited budget, I was overwhelmed by choice and availability. I saw these people with huge Primark bags and thought their lives were amazing, though I would have never been able to do this - at this point, it was less about money and more about guilt of “having”. I had a child by then and needed to be sensible.
Fast-forward to now, aged 45. Mortgage paid off, child grown up and left, I do support them financially, as they do not earn a lot as still studying, and my parents back home. This is about 15% of my take home wages.
I have plenty of disposable income, and save 1/3 of salary, solid savings pot. We do travel but limited by time off. At last, I can indulge in my love of fashion but the old demons do not leave me. Every item is agonised over in terms of fit, quality, compatibility, so I look and shop a lot, but only keep a fraction. I can’t buy a one season trend, as it’s too frivolous while the rest of the world is burning. I buy quality over quantity, so I do not have a lot and can never understand the reviews “I bought in every colour”. My wardrobe is half empty and full of boring basics.
I have some fantastic quality items that I have saved for a good day and now they are dated, like skinny jeans. Everything needs to be an investment piece, when in reality I know I need just a dozen of reasonably priced white T-shirts. And when I buy, I feel like I have to also treat my grown up child and it’s cruel to my Mum that I have so much. Then I start to resent her, because frankly I went through hell in my immigration story (for another day), work hard and actually owe nothing to anybody who stayed out and been martyr instead of facing up to life. So, may be there is some therapy needed.
For now, I would like to set a fixed clothes budget and stop obsessing about value for money. I have enough basic, I need to stop attaching so much emotional value and have more fun. So, this will be the budget I can afford to play with like others spend on nails or lunches out and not worry if these jeans are going to solve my very problem. I want to play with colour and pattern, and not worry that it’s not practical. I hope it makes sense, and it’s a relief to actually articulate these feeling for the first time in life without fear of judgement, though some may come :-)
What would you say in a reasonable % to allocate to clothes, if viewed as half hobby, half necessity, a bit like exercise that comes with cost attached. Or is this a stupid question and there is a better approach?
Thank you to anyone who read to the end.