What to wear for Catholic Requiem Mass funeral.

[Intothevalley]

Hi there,

I've never been to a full-on Catholic requiem, but will be attending one in two week's time.

I am going to wear something black (either knee length skirt and shirt, or a dress) - with a black trench coat, shoes, and tights.

From Googling it looks like 'modest dark colours' are preferred, and headwear is not 'required' - but is headwear preferred, would it be a respectful choice?

Are there any 'no-nos' I should be aware of?

Thank you!

As always it depends on the church. As a non-Catholic with RC DH and DC I am respectful but don't mimic the actions of my family (genuflect, holy water, going up for blessing, etc.)

At MIL's funeral DH and I sat together and our DC sat behind. We led out after the coffin which was a bit nerve wracking but I just followed DH's lead.

The other unexpected thing was that family and friend sat on one side of the aisle and the other side was full of church congregation as it was also the regular morning mass for that day.

Sorry for your loss.

Doesn't have to be black, just boring dull stuff, not party wear. Headwear hasn't been needed for years.

You don't need to wear all-black or cover your head, unless you're going to a very very devout or high-society requiem mass. When my father had his requiem I wore a black-patterned dress and my mother wore something else. Many of the devout congregation simply wore sober colours.

Yes, this is something to be prepared for as I'm aware it can seem a little odd. Requiem mass is really 'regular mass with another bit added on' and so there will be 'normal' worshippers there in everyday clothes. The funeral director will keep you right though in terms of where to sit.

In terms of the other stuff, you really don't have to do it. You're not catholic, so no need to genuflect or go up for a blessing or anything like that. No-one will expect it of you.

Take cash for the collection.

Standard funeral wear is fine so if there is a requested/suggested dress code just follow that, otherwise formal day wear. Mantillas/headcoverings went out with Vatican II in the early 60s.

Priests know that large parts of any "pageant of life" congregation will be non Catholics and will advise on what to do, otherwise just follow the crowd.

If you have DC then school uniform works well if they don't have something reasonably formal. DC of all ages are the norm at Catholic funerals so don't worry about taking any along with you. The burial/cremation often follows on directly but is often just for immediate family. If its a burial ground take outdoor shoes at the moment!

I've been to a lot of Catholic Requiem Masses and never worn black. I wear something smart but sober and unobtrusive.

The main thing I avoid is anything ostentatious and these days I think a hat might well fall into that category. The aim is that the bereaved family will remember I was there but nothing about what I wore.

As previous posters have said, sometimes there are people there who didn't know the deceased but who are attending because it's their regular mass and who are therefore quite casually dressed. So it can be quite a mix.

I agree about not trying to join in any of the rituals if you're not familiar with them.