WHY DO I LOOK SO BLOODY DISGUSTING? AM I DESTINED TO BE AN UGLY OLD WOMAN? (sorry bit long)

[princessosyth]

Feeling really gross at the minute, I have to force myself to even look in the mirror when I put my make up on in the mornings!

I have put on weight I am wearing a pair of size 14 jeans at the moment and they are too tight I was a small size 8 before I had ds so you can imagine how much bigger I have got. I will sort out a healthy regime tomorrow, think I will do WW points it worked for me before.

But the thing that I don't understand is how ugly my face has become and my skin looks terrible. Before I had ds I was quite pretty in a girl next door type of way but I seem to have got seriously ugly, my nose is definitely bigger than it used to be and has become quite unsightly. Stupid question but can your nose get bigger when you put on weight? A few years ago my skin was flawless but now it is dull and tired looking, I just caught sight of myself in the mirror by accident and my chin looked really weird so I had a proper look and it is really pitted like skin looks when you have blackheads but without the blackheads iyswim?

Is it possible that some people just age really badly? I look back at photos when ds was 1 (2 and a half years ago) and I was still quite pretty but I look at photos taken a year later and I look like a monster. Has anyone else had this happen to them? If I lose weight will my looks improve? Sorry to be so self indulgent and vain but I don't want to see anyone at the moment because I look so awful, people don't even recognise me anymore.

No suggestions really. Just sympathy from someone who peers in mirrors and wonders where that ugly old bag came from

I think that after you have kids a lot of people just dont take the same time to look after themselves properly - eating proper meals, skincare regimes etc - I have no real words of wisdom apart from the fact that I have been progressively getting fatter and skankier since having DS2. DH looked at a pic of me hours after having DS2 yesterday and said "gosh I dont remember you being that thin!" That was hours after giving birth!!!!

I think we just to look after ourselves better - eat properly, drink water, take care of skin and try to make an effort with clothes but it is easier siad than done!

sorry I worded that really badly! I didn't have DS2 yesterday - DH looked at pic yesterday! DS2 is three.

Now you mention it... my 20 minutes after birth pics make me look bloody glamorous compared to now pics.

Warning - babies seriously damage your looks. No told us that did they?!

I think that you are having a bad day and that you should go and have a cup of tea.

Then sit and think about what bothers you most.

Weight? OK, start WW again (me too!)

I put on a lot of weight in my twenties and it is proving hard to shift. I have noticed that my skin looks better after losing a bit of weight. And the shape of the face is affected too.

When you start eating more healthily and doing some exercise that your skin will improve too. Get out in the fresh air.

Pamper yourself a bit, face mask, manicure...

Once you start feeling better about yourself you will look better, to yourself and also to others.

I am convinced that lots of women feel like this when the "baby" is around 2 yo. I did with both of my DCs. And lots of my friends did too.

All of a sudden we were all going on diets and joining gyms.

It is all about regaining your body for yourself. And having more time/energy as your lo gets more independant.

Saw your post Princessosyth & really hear where you are coming from on the skin issue. My skin has been bad ever since the birth of my 2nd dc; dull, blotchy and even lumpy. I've half-heartedly doing some exercise and changed the size of my dinner plate since I don't want to be miserable denying myself things, just need to eat less!

I think your first port of call for the skin should be your gp. My gp looked at my skin last week, there are a quite few things it could be and she has sent me a range of blood tests & am waiting to get the results back late this week.

With some trepidation I am also going to have microdermabrasion on Tues since anything I'm trying at home it's having any effect. I saw my skin under ultraviolet light which was definitely not pretty.

But I definitely think you should see your gp.

Just reading what you have written sounds like a lot of this is probaby in your head.

Maybe just a bit of basic maintenance would help - I honestly think that the things that make most difference most quickly are:

1. Eyebrows - waxed/shaped and dyed - takes years off imo
2. Good haircut
3. Exercise - just walking a bit more gets circulation digestion going, endorphins so feel better disposed towards self
4. Drinking lots of water
5. Sleep - enough but not too much

THanks for advice everyone. Well I am pleased to know that it is "normal" and should improve with healthier diet etc.

Tomorrow is D day! I shall lose a stone by the end of May, I will then join gym and yoga class and by September I shall be a new better looking improved me. I will then ttc no 2 and be back to square 1 again!

I think it's quite hard to motivate yourself to make improvements when you feel this awful about yourself. It's a bit of a vicious circle - you feel ugly, so you don't bother with ANTYHING that will make you feel better then you feel even worse.

Try really hard to be kind to yourself. I'm almost certain that you do not look as bad as you think you do. Do your hair, put make-up on, wear something pretty that fits.

Hope you feel better soon and that WWWs plan helps x

Ok princess, follow mazzystars advice, particularly on the haircut.

Start doing something today about your weight, I bought the Rosemary Conley GI Jeans book and am roughly following it and have lost about 6 lbs in 6 weeks. I still have half a stone to go , and even then I will still weigh more than I once did pre child at my starting weight at WW ( if that makes any sense at all) but I feel so much better and have so much more energy now that I am not eating rubbish all the time.

And yes having children ages you prematurely, there is a photo of me on honeymoon and it was rather flattering. My Dad looked at it and refused to believe it was me, kept saying it was my cousin ( who is thinner and more glamorous and who has no children) even now I think he is convinced I am lying about it.

princessosyth - are you me?

i look in the mirror and think exactly the same things about myself. my dd is now 2 and compared to the photos of her 1st birthday i now look like the fatter, uglier, older sister of the woman in the pics.

my nose has also gotten bigger - and it now has a horrid dent that never used to be there. my skin is also shite. the final straw came when i was in hospital being visited by my mum and the woman in the next bed refused to believe she was old enough to be my mum. she was slightly senile, but it still hurt

just thought i'd let you know you're not alone. what can be done about our predicament, i wonder? shall watch thread with interest.

Hey totalmisfit maybe we are longlost ugly twins?! THe nose thing is really weird isn't it?

It may be that the old woman just thought that your mum looked young she might not have thought that you looked old.

The funny thing is I have aged about 15 years in the last 2 years and yet the other day I was asked for ID at Waitrose . I think she was just trying to humour me.

no she must be me. I commented today to someone that my skin isn't my own anymore.

In the last 2 yrs it has aged so much. Lines on my cheeks, pores much bigger, a crease above my nose that i have never noticed before.

I just pray it will improve as the sun comes out, and That losing a bit of weight might help me gain more confidence.

how old are you op? I am 39, and thought i was doing pretty well on the ageing thing up till 2 yrs ago!!!!!

35 piratecate, and I probably look about 42. When I was 30 I looked about 21 and got asked for id all the time. From the age of 1 to 2 ds didn't really sleep very well, I also had lots of worry and stress fretting over family illness and this seems to be the year that I really aged.

hmm, the 30's thing, the stress doesnt go so well with us!!

I have had 3 yrs of dh leaving, divorce, and constant worry.

I do belive tho, that the spring will bring us bounce !!

oh - i dream of getting asked for ID again.

In October dp and i were in New York and had heard the rumours about how everyone under 30 gets IDd. We took our passports into every bar we went into 'just in case' and what started out as 'oh, that's good - they didn't ask for ID' soon turned into us both feeling a bit depressed about it(we're both late 20's)