Facelift and judging

[Superduperplate]

I'm 36 and was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago. I looked incredibly young for my age beforehand. Now I have aged rapidly thanks to 16 months of cancer treatment. I have toctake tamoxifen for 10 years which will also further age my skin. I'm not at the point of needing a facelift now but I'm seriously considering it in the future. The problem is that my family are exceptionally judgy to the point of being disgusted by these sorts of things. And I get it. It's not natural and it's surgery just for the sake of vanity. But cancer has absolutely robbed me of my looks and my youth and I'm totally gutted about it.

Has anybody else done something like this while everybody around them judges?

People waste their lives judging others, if it’s anything more than a fleeting thought then it’s weird. At the end of the day unless you ask for opinions, it’s nobody’s business. You already know they’ll judge you, prepare some witty comebacks if they’re the type to go on and on about it!
Do what makes YOU feel good, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone.

Wishing you a speedy recovery OP, hope all goes well. 🌷

Consider Botox instead

There are plenty of other treatments to have before considering a face lift that will freshen you up.

Yes ! I have filler once a year and am
just rexoveing from a eye lid lift .
ive name changed as I live in a small place - i am not bothered about people knowing about it re this - but re other threads .
locals aware .

you look at your face every day and its uiur choice - i love having bits of selected filer as it holds my face up!

id suggest looking at different options - things have moved on and there are many more treatments and alternative ways to face lift such as threading.
id love more but am on a limited ££
research your clinic well and practitioner’s
. For eg well places filler is better than loads for eg
also look at tretinon- its gold standard skin care - there is a tret face book page that os full of advice

have a good journey - its yours to make x

Sending you much love @Superduperplate.

I also have breast cancer (and am not on a bloody journey).

Like you, mine is ER+. Am older than you, and worried about the effects of hormone treatment on my appearance, not to mention my bones. I absolutely would not judge you at all for having a face lift, it is something I am also considering. If there is one thing having cancer has taught me, life is short and one should do want makes one happy. If you want a face lift, have a face lift.

On a related note, stay away from any kind of tweakments, be they botox, filler and/or thread lifts. Face lifts and any kind of surgical cosmetic surgery is far more effective when done to skin that has not been tweaked.

Also is their a cancer support councellor tou cd talk to abouy your feelings - thos may help uou feel confident to make decisions irrespective of others ? Just a thought . Clear your mind etc i mean .

@Nameisnewforthis Not great advice. Tret isn't advisable in this instance. I was advised, no, told, by my oncologist to stop. Chemo, not to mention ongoing hormone inhibitors like Tamoxifen make skin horribly dry and super sensitive.

doublec the journey i was refering to was op decison re her face in the light of family disapproval - not cancer . My aplogies if it came across wrong / just to clarify .

nameisnewforthis

I appreciate you meant it kindly, and with regards to any cosmetic work OP embarks on, but journey is just a bullshit term, no matter the context. Apologies, I see the j word, and no matter how well meant, I cringe.

Agree with pp about not getting fillers if you want to get a face lift later on . It’s common knowledge now fillers actually never leave completely and they leave a scar tissue which can interfere with a facelift . Look up utube at top surgeons and they will explain in detail. Also, don’t waste your money on any other type of non invasive treatments. They are all super expensive and the best thing you can do for your face and yourself is save your money and go for the Ivy League of all the treatments and that is a facelift by a top qualified surgeon. It will be life changing for you . Don’t listen to what anyone say about it . It’s none of their buisiness . All the best with your recovery.

Assuming you’re planning on subtle lift, and the judgy people don’t live with you I’d straight out lie.

Avoid seeing them until it’s completely healed. And if you talk on the phone to them, your doctor has got you on a new diet and supplements, it’s amazing how much you are back to looking like your old self. Can’t believe how tired you looked for so long. And do the Kardashian trick of having a dramatic new hair do (different colour, adding a fringe, possibly a wig etc) so you do look different when they see you and are more likely to focus on that.

It’s amazing how so many people can just see something is different but are rubbish at guessing correctly what’s been done. (Unless it’s super obvious and extreme.)

Right now if I were you I’d do Botox and have a few facials and massages. I don’t do Botox by the way.

Don’t even think about a facelift until at least a year down the line. You’ll only get a surgeon who will either do it for the money or who won’t do it. I actually saw a surgeon about a facelift in my 30s too and luckily he said I didn’t need it and to come back in 10-20 years.

Thanks everyone. I'm not at the point of needing a facelift now but I just think I will need one in the future. Maybe in 5 years or so. It's been a shock to suddenly develop lines and to feel my skin getting looser. I looked very youthful before cancer. I know that it happens to everyone but it just feels so unfair that it's happening to me earlier than it should have because of my illness.

I'm a bit scared of botox. I have a very expressive face and I worry that I'll look totally different and my face won't be able to move as it did before. I think I'd rather save up my money and go the whole hog further down the line.

My family don't live with me but they will know immediately. We're very close. I wouldn't be able to have surgery without them knowing because we see each other very often. It's already come up in discussion and my dad in particular couldn't let it drop and was vehemently against it. It'll be a huge thing.

I am already using tretinoin. Didn't even think to tell my oncologist. I have finished active cancer treatment now and my skin is very dry but doesn't seem to have reacted too badly to the tret. I have a dermatica subscription and I did tell them about my history and current medication and they were happy to go ahead.

I am currently seeing the cancer psychology service and it is something we touch upon. I'm a bit of a mess, to be honest. So much to fit into those sessions 😄

Doublec, sorry to hear you are also dealing with cancer. It's shit. I wasn't that vain before but I feel absolutely robbed. No more oestrogen, no longer fertile, rapidly aging. I've taken up weightlifting to help strengthen my bones and it's my new obsession. People think it's weird that I'm so upset about my appearance. They think I should just be happy I've survived cancer. I've had 16 months of hell. I have ongoing problems from chemo, need to have another operation to fix some of the damage it has caused, I'm getting divorced so I've become a single mum, my financial situation has gone down the drain and I've rapidly aged in a matter of months. If those things had happened to somebody who hadn't had cancer, people would sympathise. I don't understand why it should be easier for me to come to terms with. They think I should just be skipping around, happy that I've survived cancer instead of being gutted at how different I look. And obviously, I'm glad I'm still here. But I do feel robbed of my looks.

You could try yoga if you’re up to that. It really is good for anti ageing (you rarely see a wrinkled yoga teacher!) and maybe a good face oil.

@Superduperplate

Caring about one's looks is not being vain about the least, so please don't think you're being vain. You're not. Cancer treatment ages the body, and the affects of no oestrgen are felt across the whole body, and particularly on one's face. While I did not have to worry about my fertility as a result of treatment, I did go through a premature menopause and was on HRT which really did ensure I kept my looks and was largely wrinkle-free. I had to stop this when I was diagnosed with cancer, and believe me, I am way more upset about this than cancer. Thankfully, due to the premature menopause, I had already taken up weight lifting several years ago and was in great shape. I know this definitely helped my body deal with chemo, and would have struggled far more if I had been less fit.

I have had a few people tell me I shouldn't care about losing my hair and breasts because I no longer have cancer. I mean ffs, I have to live in this body for however long I have left. I want to like my appearance and not avoid the mirror. I know exactly how you feel, and truly feel for any woman going through this, particularly one who is young. I read somewhere that breast cancer is an emotional emergency and I truly think it is. At points during the illness and treatment, it rob of the very physical characteristics of what society believes a woman to be. The bottom line is that unless someone else has been through what you have been, they really have no place to offer their opinions or tell you you're being vain and should just be happy that you've survived cancer. It's not as simple as that anyway, there's always the constant fear it will recur, and I for one would rather worry about my looks than give head space to something I cannot control. How I look is something I can control, or at least try my very best to do so!

Re. tret. Because I had to stop taking HRT, my skin because very dry before I even had surgery. By the time I started chemo, I had been without HRT for a good three months. My oncologist told me that chemo would make my skin drier, which it did, and much more sensitive, and suggested that I finish chemo before I restarting at a much lower dosage.

One of the perversities of breast cancer treatment is that it usually leaves the individual looking far more unwell than they ever did prior to it. I feel like my entire face has dropped, and not just because my lack of hair means I can no longer pull my hair back which in turn, keeps my face in place! I also feel strongly the other posters don't quite understand what you're going through either, or just how treatment for breast cancer (or any cancer full stop) ravages even the healthiest and youngest of body's. If you have a Maggie's Centre local to you, contact them as they have courses about skincare and other ways to look after yourself during treatment.

Lastly OP, if you haven't already, contact Macmillan and or Step Change re. any financial issues. They will be able to advise.

I wish you nothing but good wishes and that you do anything and everything that is going to make you feel better about yourself. Sod everyone else. Much love ❤️

It's your face, if it's safe to do so then why not have it done, to hell with what other people think, have they survived cancer, cos if not, they can frig the fuck off with their judgement.