Too many clothes

[toomanyy]

Hi all, I have a hoarding issue with new clothes that started in lockdown during Covid. I now have clothes across several sizes as my weight has been fluctuating.

I don’t know how to make myself stop buying. I justify it to myself as I don’t smoke, drink or have takeaways or meals out or expensive supermarket food so it’s my hobby as such. I earn well, we have savings and we have no debts, save a mortgage.

But the problem has got so bad that I now can’t access a lot of the clothes as they’re all stacked in boxes in one room.

I read the Marie Kondo but it filled me with dread at having to get rid of things.

I have sold a lot on eBay but it has barely made a dent.

I also feel guilty about the environmental impact.

My marriage is going badly and I think that is the root cause as buying clothes gives me a temporary dopamine hit.

Does anyone have any tips on how to stop buying? I already do things like leaving things in the online basket which sometimes helps but there’s always a compulsive urge to buy and I love waiting for the parcels.

I recently discovered Vinted and it's helped me a lot. I buy and sell things on there - one for one (if I buy something, I also sell something) - and there is some really nice stuff and good bargains you can get.

For me, it is very nearly as good as buying brand new stuff, plus I feel like I am being more environmentally friendly and saving money too.

It's obviously not as ideal as not buying clothes at all, but it can be a good starting point!

Another tip is just to limit your monthly budget so you can't actually afford to keep buying - I did this too and it was very effective!

Perhaps some counselling
Over shopping is a common coping mechanism and a counseller could help you unpick

OP, once you know its a problem I think you need to go a little hard core on it so that you can also attend to the main problem (for me though shopping addiction was in itself all I needed to work on). When it was a problem for me i went cold turkey no clothes spending. There was a lovely supportive thread at the time and it really helped when i walked past shops and felt them calling me like a drug. I also unsubscribed to everything and immediately recycled anything that came through the door.

Since then I have kondo'd, that took me ages, several goes, and now i do it every 6 months or so. I've also changed how I shop. Like you I refer to it as a hobby and i do love clothes, but I no longer go shopping or peruse shops online. I have plenty of clothes so I only use one clothing store now. But what helped me to do all of that was the shopping ban. I can't remember how long i did it then, but i now only shop my chosen store's sales, so that's 4 times a year and I'm not shopping outside of this.

I think maybe it's more about finding something else to do with your time so it's not denying yourself but distracting yourself. When I am busy at work or have an evening course I definitely shop less as it doesn't come into my mind as much. You need to become time poor. So maybe make a list of books you'd like to read or shows to watch or a hobby or sport, anything that means you are not tempted. Ban scrolling whilst watching TV.

Another trick for me is that this year I want my charitable donation total to be higher than my spend on clothes. If you reframe things and think about how lucky you are to have all your existing things and how others are not so fortunate - sometimes it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be acquiring new stuff that will make no material difference (excuse pun) to my life when the money could go somewhere it might. I'm no martyr and obviously you could take that much further but it helps me to think of it that way.

I think you probably need talking therapy to go to what is causing the hoarding and/or strategies to overcome the hoarding behaviour in the longer term. It's a psychological problem and not as easy as just getting rid, as you can feel yourself. There are services locally that help people with hoarding or you can self-refer to your local talking therapies service but not sure if they would have services to help you specifically with hoarding, but they should be able to signpost if not.

Good luck and really the start of recovery is actually recognising and admitting there is a problem, which many hoarders never get to, but you have, so well done.

@teacrumpetsandcake thank you. I definitely want to sell more / give to charity. Setting a budget is a good idea. It feels like small amounts and then I look at my bank statement and see it adds up to quite a bit.

@glonty I’m going to look at counselling, thanks. I remember pre-Covid that I liked clothes but I was able to keep a good balance of getting rid of stuff and only buying things I needed. That seems to have gone away now.

@dudsville I think I was in denial for quite a while but when I realised I couldn’t even find anything anymore that was a bit of a wake up call. You’re right not perusing online. During periods when I don’t have a parcel on the way or nothing to return, I do feel relief. I also return quite a bit and have to be organised with receipts and last dates for returns and taking things to the Evri store which adds to the stress. I will unsubscribe from emails and try to distract myself with something else when I get the urge.

@TheOGCCL yes, I have become quite withdrawn and a homebird. I don’t enjoy going out as much but I do have fun when I make the effort. That’s a really good point about how lucky I am. Ironically, I do give money to charity but I find it really difficult to donate the clothes.

@WeightoftheWorld I think you’re right about therapy. I’ve been kidding myself for a while as the problem has been confined to clothes. But I feel these boxes are a burden and I can see signs that it’s encroaching into other parts of my life. (e.g. buying multiples of a thing when I only need one). Thank you for the good wishes, I’m going to try and make some phone calls this week.

I had to stop looking in shopping websites and vinted. There are apps to block websites.
Then, create a capsule wardrobe out of clothes you have. Eg, think about spring, take 7 tops, 5 Bottoms, 5 dresses, 3 jackets, 2 Cardigans. Put everything else away. Just deal with that for a few weeks until you get enough head space to start selling the excess on Vinted, one item listed day.

Perhaps when tempted to buy something, put the money into a rainy day/new start fund for the life you want? Then you get a dopamine hit watching it grow and planning the life you actually want! The pleasure seeking behaviour is a symptom/distraction/coping mechanism for the underlying issues. Speaking from experience…

I'm very much like this 😞. It's not so bad at the moment. Actually, who am I kidding? I've just bought another pair of jeans. I'm also like this with shower gel, perfume and, sometimes, duvet sets 😳

I got worse during Covid times. I've got slightly better with perfume and now mostly buy sample sizes at least.

I'm pretty sure it's adhd dopamine hit; relieving stress and boredom, and try to make myself feel better by thinking it could be a far my expensive addiction.

I take stuff to the dump and use the recycling/charity bins etc now and then but my clothes are a really bad issue.

Sorry I've no advice; just you're not alone. My dm is like this to an extent. My dsis talks to me about dm issue with this and I mostly nod along while cringing inside!

Btw totally get the buying multiples.

I try to think of another way to get a buzz that's less overwhelming.

So much guilt

I have been a bit like this lately because my life is pretty crap at the moment and it’s a way of cheering myself up and looking forward to the parcel arriving. Also boredom on the evening particularly in the winter months . It’s more make up with me as I can’t afford too many clothes. I got addicted to the advent calendars at Christmas and have more make up and skincare than I know what to do with but still get drawn into these latest beauty edits. I have started to sell stuff on eBay too.