Does anybody wear wigs?

[spookysoul]

I am having problems with my hair at the moment- years of bleach damage and breakage, plus I’ve got terrible post-partum hair loss that has only just peaked. Basically feel like I’ve got no hair at the front sides of my head at all. And the front never grows well anyway so I always look like I’ve got a shit hair cut, even worse now I’ve got less hair to play with since it fell out after DC. I am so self conscious about it, no matter how nicely I do my makeup I still feel like I look awful.
I have spent money on a really nice human hair lace front wig, but I’m almost embarrassed to start wearing it. What if looks really obvious and people judge me or laugh at me. Obviously people who know me will know it’s a wig as they see me all the time, but I feel really anxious about having to answer questions about why im wearing one, and trying to be confident about it.

I lost all my hair at 19 and have been bald ever since. You need to develop a don’t-give-a-shit- what-people- think attitude. Nowadays I wear wigs all winter and scarves/sun hat etc all summer. Some people MAY notice a wig but so what really. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. People have fake boobs, filled lips, botoxed wrinkles. Plus many (most!) female TV presenters nowadays have some sort of helper hair. Maybe not full wigs but extensions and crown toppers. A wig is no different. Have courage and rock it, I bet you look amazing.

@ilovecherries ah thank you for that. I have had extensions in the past and I did think to myself what’s the difference really? I didn’t feel weird or embarrassed then, I was just making my hair look good! I’ll have to be confident like you :) it has arrived today but I haven’t tried it on yet. I feel nervous for some reason.

I lost my hair due to chemotherapy and do have a wig that I wear on occasion (although to be fair, I mostly go out without my head covered at all).

When I am wearing the wig, I don't think anyone has ever given me a second glance. To be honest, and I mean this kindly, but people, particularly strangers don't really look and notice little things about an individual, so it is highly unlikely anyone (who does not know you) will even think you are wearing a wig. The only way you will feel more confident in wearing the wig is to actually wear it! As soon as you do, it will feel like second nature. And remember, if it is human hair, why not go and get your hairdresser to cut it for you.

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One piece of advice - I find the lace front a little itchy, so always keep a tiny pot of vaseline in my bag to rub along it.

@spookysoul I completely understand where you are coming from. I have hair loss, androgenic. I also have wigs and crown toppers. I only sometimes wear them, because I am also paranoid people will notice, and also as you probably know, they are sooo expensive. Most of the time I spend ages with hair fibres, blow drying, sprays, headbands etc and even then my hair looks shit.

Since yours is post partum it should improve.

Like someone else said, it really is a confidence thing. I've found the more I wear them, the more I get used to it. If it's a good wig, most people really don't notice.

One thing I've learned though is that most wigs don't look right 'out the box' - they usually need thinned by a (trained in wigs) hairdresser, especially in certain places like the part. Also often need coloured - roots look more natural, as does matching your eyebrows. The sizing is also important to get right. So don't panic if you try it on and it looks not quite right. There are some accounts on instagram of women who are really good at styling their wigs and that can really show you how natural they can look.

Good luck xx

I felt embarrassed at first. After years of thinning and patchy hair (alopecia), I felt that the wig sat too high, looked too full. But I think that was an illusion.
There's no getting round the fact that it is a real hump to get over. It feels really hard when you wear a wig for the first time in front of people who know you.
But, BUT, every one I knew was so nice about it. And I have also had several encounters with strangers who were genuinely wrongfooted when I had to let them know I was wearing a wig (think opticians, dentists, etc - anyone who might have to touch your head - I always mention it in advance in these situations to get ahead of any embarrassment).
And once you are over the hump it is so so much nicer than having to deal with your own hair, or lack thereof.
Good luck, xxx

@spookysoul both my Mum and I have worn wigs to cover hair loss.
Neither of us buy real hair ones and no one knows.

30+ years ago I shocked a room full of medical students when I met the consultant to discuss my hair loss. I removed my wig and they hadn’t clocked it wasn’t my real hair.

The wig is obvious to you but far less noticeable to others. People who know you may spot it but are usually too polite to say anything. Strangers won’t notice.

Go for it.

I have alopecia, very thin at the crown . From the front, I look fine back hideous. When I got to the point that I didn't have enough hair to cover the bald patch, I went and got a hair topper . Then, I promptly told anyone who asked that I had extensions .

As my hairdresser says, if you see a woman over 30 with long hair, 75% of the time, it's extensions.

I bought my first wig, 9 months ago, so I am very new to the whole wig thing. I contacted simply wigs, sent them pictures, told them what I wanted, and they came back with a selection.

The colour perfectly matches my own hair. So when I accidentally answer the door without it on, I just look like I haven't done my hair.
I went for a synthetic with a fringe to give me a bit more confidence about hiding the front, and I suit a fringe

I moved from toppers to wigs as I found the clips on toppers were making the hair loss worse, I still live in hope !

At the moment, I am pregnant, and my hair is thickening up, but not enough to drop the wig yet, I don't really know what to do with labour and the ward afterwards. Any ideas appreciated.

Just brazen it out. Plus from now on you will always have fabulous hair !

Thanks everyone. I might try it on later. I know from how I’ve described it it doesn’t seem that extreme. But honestly it gets me down so much. I’m not super pretty so not being able to wear my hair nicely down because of trying to hide the thin/broken bits makes me feel like my face is over exposed, so I feel ugly. I’ve done a lot of reading/youtube videos and bought things to go with it like caps, bands, melting spray etc

Definitely get it cut by a hairdresser - I remember watching a TV programme where someone went to get a wig fitted and at first it was really obvious, 30 mins after the hairdresser it was impossible to spot. I know my hairdresser does wigs as they've had customers who had chemotherapy. You could call around.

I'm sure that getting it cut by a hairdresser can be helpful if you have a particular style in mind, but honestly, wigs are designed to look good right off the bat. They aren't generally designed to need trimming first (though for all I know there might be some wig types where this is the assumption).
I think the most important thing is to get a good quality wig. They don't have to be human hair. The acrylic ones are great if you push up to the mid-range prices. Around £300 to £400 if I recall (it is a year since I last bought). And of course you get the VAT off if you have a medical condition

If it is a good style it will be less 'noticeable' weirdly. Think how many black women wear fake hair and also people like Orthodox Jewesses. I was on a coach holiday to Albania and the woman in front of me was very smartly dresses let down only by awful fair. It was only because she kept mentioning to her DIL about 'the sabbath' that I realised it was a wig. However I understand that a lot of Jewish women wear nice, shiny wigs nowadays.

@Deathraystare I'm not sure what black women have to do with it specifically?

But anyway. I wear wigs and have done since an autoimmune condition for the last 15-20 years. I hate it.

It gets me down, possibly led to my depression, it has also led me to overcompensate on all other aspects of my appearance,

I feel the need to always dress as fashionable as possible and stay in good shape almost so that people think 'she wears a wig but at least she looks good overall'

Ridiculous I know but I just can't shake the feeling. I have wigs and wish I was blessed with hair. Seriously it's so saddening to me.

Sometimes I consider going bald but it would crush me. To no longer be the 'fashionable' one. I can't do it.

It sucks.

@pregahes I feel that as well. I love clothes and make up because I have to compensate for my hair looking terrible. If
my hair could just look nice and normal, I could get away with being plain or undone everywhere else

@spookysoul yes that's exactly how I feel. Because I believe a nice jar and makeup can make a bin liner look good but sadly I don't have the good hair so have to makeup elsewhere.

I buy expensive wigs and sometimes they even let me down. Never found a flawless wig maker that isn't in it just for profit sadly. I have considered learning it myself but I just don't have the energy.

I wore a wig for year after medically induced hair loss. A wig maker sourced me a fantastic lace wig similar to my own hair (but better!) I was paranoid as hell and thought everyone was zooming in on my head. When the day came for me to unveil my own hair not one bugger noticed. I kid you not. I had told some people but most people were shocked when I said I had been wearing a wig for 12 months. The wig was cut and styled to suit me but I think the moral of the story is nobody takes that much notice really.
The weird thing is now I don’t need to wear a wig I find myself reaching for it when my own hair won’t cooperate and now I love it, I see it as a fashion accessory. Reframe it in your mind op, it’s just an accessory and let’s face it loads of celebrities wear them!

I also find myself thinking ghastly thoughts about other women because I've been unfortunate with my hair.
Must really messed me up, probably more than I give it credit. It's been a curse for me.

Luckily my husband accepts it but if I were singlehanded another layer of depression finding someone who will accept me bald.

Sorry if I'm not helping but just giving you honestly how I feel as it's one thing all the positive posts but unless your experiencing it it can be hard to see that confidence is hard to pull out the bag all day every day with something like this.

I'm having a bad day because I had a new with just yesterday and it isn't the standard I expect for the process I've paid and it just brings the whole wig wearing reality back home I suppose.

Black women have a lot to do with wigs. The fact that wigs are as good as they are now and have improved massively is thanks to black women. They demanded better quality and created the demand. There isn't anything they don’t know about wigs- or hair in general. Orthodox Jewish women have to wear wigs or cover their hair when they marry - again they demanded better wigs.

@biscuitnut I actually disagree. I believe that since western women have started wearing and embracing more wigs, manufacturers have started to improve them.

Before that, no one gave a damn about black women.

@pregahes if you have the finances and time would this system help?

https://www.lucindaellery-hairloss.co.uk/

@BigWillyLittleTodger thank you 💜 although these things look great for the photos but then when you are on your own trying to maintain them, they go to shit.

I also don't see enough help for black women, these salons that focus on hair loss are often for white women.

Black women the focus is on wigs for fashion. I'm yet to find a high end black salon with Afro textured units for hair loss.

The amount of bespoke wigs I've had over the years is ridiculous and majority of them end in disappointment

I'll second the point that people you don't know well won't notice.

I cringe when I remember seeing a woman who'd been off work for a long while with breast cancer and genuinely complimenting her on her long shiny hair. It looked great and was such a change from her old style I just didn't think. She wasn't offended but honestly, I need to think before I speak!

There's also a younger woman at work who wears different wigs regularly and she appears to have great natural hair. The wigs she wears are more extreme styles - pink or seriously asymmetric or very short. Looks great and my only thoughts are that it's a lot of effort to go to but maybe it's actually faster on a bad hair day.

Ah that’s a shame, they look good on the website but the maintenance does seem a lot. I watch quite a lot of YouTube videos on wigs including black women, hand on heart I’m in awe with how fabulous they look and I bet you do too, it’s hard to see yourself how others see you, I’m sorry you are feeling so down about your hair, I hope your spirits lift soon

Thanks everyone for sharing :) I am sending back one of the wigs I bought as it was a bit of an impulse buy and actually don’t think it will look good. But I have one coming from the US which was more expensive and looks gorgeous, I’m excited to try it. But it won’t be ready for a few weeks so I’ll have to put up with my hair for a bit longer. I think it should be much more ‘normalised’ to wear a wig as a fashion accessory, then people who need to wear one for medical reasons, or feel very self conscious about their hair, won’t feel like it’s a big signpost over their heads.

Why don’t you just tell folks you’ve got extensions, they do invisible ones now, if you’re uncomfortable?

Hi, I have very fine hair with lots of quirks (double crown, cowlick etc) & so many scalp scars that my parting keeps reorganising itself. Lovely colour though, so I coped. Then it started thinning… I rejected the idea of a wig until I realised a lot of my students routinely wore wigs, had braids etc. they had wigs of different styles, qualities etc. Nobody thought twice about it. I stopped thinking of it as an old people thing. I thought “if they can, so can I”. I picked a colour & style close to my own & no one noticed, they just thought I’d had my hair done.