How do I even know where to start?

[spiritualawakening]

I have lost myself
Am mid 40s
Not quite let myself go but def feel lost.
Have never dressed well; but have a few nice items in wardrobe
Now living in ebay cast offs:
Am a size 16 bottom/ 14 top but very much an apple
Haven't got good make up really, still stuck like pat butcher with what I wore 25 years ago
Live sub rural: wear black trainers and jeans most days
Wfh so no need to dress
Up.

I used to wear dresses but don't
Really go anywhere any more,

Depressed by it all:

What should I be looking at for inspiration to find labels/things I can wear?

@spiritualawakening I would say try bits at a time. Use instagram for ideas on how to look good. I follow people like Mollie Campsie where I like their style.

I've let myself go a bit due to the end of a relationship a few years ago.

My aim:

Walk more/lose weight
Eat less
Wear flattering items : school run clothes are yoga trousers, simple top and coat. Brush hair/lipstick. You can try colours on virtually with brands like MAC.

I have watched a couple of videos on YouTube about how to do makeup in 40's and 50s, I think Ali Andreea is one, and a lot of it is just about applying it a bit differently, rather than rushing out and buying everything new. I bought a primer and do my lips and blush slightly different, also taken advice from my teen girls on this.

Oh, OP, you sound so sad! If jeans and trainers suit your lifestyle could you buy nicer versions of the ones you have maybe? I’m a different size and shape but there are quite a few jeans threads on the go at the moment which might help.

Are you on Instagram/Tiktok? I think both can be really useful for looking for style inspo. I don’t like Pinterest but I know loads of people do.

In terms of WFH there’s no rule that says you need to be in joggers/pjs or whatever. I do one home day a week and while I definitely don’t “dress up” I do wear nice jeans/top/jewellery, and always makeup done - although I am generally camera on so might be in my Oodie otherwise.

I do feel sad
I feel like my life hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to. I never wanted to be a clothes horse but I want to walk with a spring in my step, and none of my clothes make me feel like that.

My skin is dry and sad.
Hair isn't too bad. But I am rubbish at styling it to look finished

I don't look like a grown up and I am past my best

Late 50's and live rural and go no where other then work and the pub at the weekends

Live in leggings and wellies or walking boots for the most part

Im just emerging from a long time depression so am beginning to take stock of myself

I now do skincare. Not much of a regime by some , but its enough for me and my life. I cleanse and moisturise morning and night and go me, Ive added a serum. Nothing too fancy or expensive, just bog standard off the shelf with the weekly shop, and my skin is thanking me. Yes Ive got wrinkles and lines but my skin defo feels smoother and softer

Thats encouraged me to add a bit of make up for the first time in 30 years. Of course after not wearing any for so long I went straight to the brands and colours I used to wear - BIG MISTAKE. So I took myself around the make up counters and got a few samples and Ive settled with a No7 serum foundation and a concealer from L'oreal . Tiny amounts required, takes me five mins max and it stays on and makes me look brighter. I just add a wee bit of blush and Im now thinking next time Im in town will get some advice on a lip colour. Ive got to be honest and admit it took a lot of courage to go to the girls on the counters but they were all fantastic and really helpful. I mean at my age I should know all this stuff ( so Ive always told myself ) Admitting to myself I needed help and asking for it was a huge thing for me

Getting the hair cut to a style I can cope with. Im growing out colour so I went short but I dont need any products other then a heat spray - just blast with the hair dryer and just use my fingers

And I now get my eyebrows done. OMG getting those done was like having a face lift. Ive been walking about for years looking like Dennis Healy , now they are tamed and coloured and look fab. Again that was actually a big step for me, like getting the eyebrows done is for the young/beautiful and glamorous and they would snigger behind my back, but again, unfounded fears.

Clothes, well tbh Im kind of like yourself, no idea :) I do stick with my skinny jeans - moms, relaxed etc look god awful on me. Sod fashion if it makes you uncomfortable in what your wearing :) I also dont like oversized tops, Im just too small and make me look like Im playing dress up from my mums wardrobe. So I tend to stick to fitted tops.

What I have done is gone through my wardrobe and been brutal. Every item I have Ive tried on, does it actually fit? do I like it? when will I wear it? - half my clothes are now gone. Worked my way through everything, right down to my socks, threw out all the stuff that was tatty or worn. Then the second best thing that I did, was get fitted for a bra. Who knew that the ones I was wearing were totally wrong and now the ones I have that fit properly have changed my shape so much? Ive got a boob lift for £15 :)

So Im no clothes horse, Im not wearing the height of fashion and I will never be the height of sophistication but what I wear now fits and suits me and that really has put a spring in my step

Dry skin can be sorted out fairly easily. Start a basic skincare regimen. Some type of cleanser morning and evening. Serum, oil, moisturizer, SPF.

Go back to basics with makeup? Primer, there's ones to target whatever skin problem you have. I like Rimmel Fix and Perfect (think that's it). Concealer on any problem areas, learn how to blend it out with a beauty blender sponge thingy. Eyelash curlers if necessary and mascara. Lip balm.

Do that for a month then see where you are and whether you want to add anything into your skincare regimen or your makeup routine.

The hair, is it that you don't know how to style it? If so get a hairdresser to show you, pay attention to what they're using, when and how. If it's that you CBA then get a different haircut that better suits your lifestyle.

I always find it strange when people say they don't dress up because they've got nowhere to go. Wear what you like. Nothing happens if you wear a smart blazer to the supermarket or a dress to watch Netflix. The fashion police don't come round to arrest you for being overdressed. If everyone around you wants to dress like they're off for a muddy countryside walk, let them, you don't have to join in! Wear things that make you smile. If that happens to be something basic like a tracksuit then fine, just ensure it fits and is in a colour that suits you.

Go through your wardrobe, which sounds frankly depressing, and get rid of anything not in good condition. The stained, the shapeless, the bobbled, the shrunken, the threadbare, the holey. Including the underwear and socks, shoes, coats and bags. Get rid of the annoying, the uncomfortable and the wrong size. Also anything that looks/feels like it just "isn't you". Keep only the nice stuff you're happy with. When shopping for replacements, never settle for "that'll do", you have to love it.

What I also haven't mentioned is that I have precisely zero budget to spend on any of this.
Genuinely didn't mean to drip feed.

My wardrobe is already mostly bought on eBay

Im doing all this on a shoestring tbh, hence the supermarket moisturisers and serum from home bargains. So what Im buying might not have the fancy ingredients, but when you are starting from zero, anything is a bonus

Eyebrows are from £8 by a lady with a chair in a shopping centre

Hair cut, well Ive always found money for a hair cut every 3 months , here its just £20 for a cut and blow dry

Find where your beauty college is, you can get all those treatments - cut, colour, eyebrows and facials for very very little money. I used to be a "model" for a friends daughter when she was doing her hairdressing, and I never had anything bad happen, the tutor is there every step of the way. You dont need to know a student, you can just book in for the more experienced students.

My friend is also going through the same process with her wardrobe and shes selling it on Vinted, just wee bits here and there that arent shabby - nowt posh - and has £100 on account within a month

My bras were a two pack from Dunnes , which if you dont have those stores over there are kind of like the old Littlewoods, just a two pack cos its all I could afford right now

And Im shopping clearance lines and Primark for clothes that I NEED, found a lovely jumper for just 3 quid on a clearance rail and I got new knickers and socks from Primark, So they wont last a lifetime, but they are doing me now and will at least see the year out and Im for the first time ever sorting out a Christmas and birthday gift list. When I get asked by DH and mother I shall be on the ball and let them gift me something I want

Oh, and if you do decide to try some cosmetics, the No7 girls give very generous samples, what they have given me will last months

@suki1964 thank you for kind kind words
I will see what I can do on vinted and number 7 samples sound good

You will find your way, honestly and it doesnt have to be high end, blimey I near on had heart failure when a moisturiser was reccomended to me - £68 !!! Thats more then my grocery spend for the week :) I mean yes it was lovely ( I got a sample ) but was it £68 worth of lovely? Ill never know cos I bought Lidl ( same active ingredient ) for £4 :) And Im sat here working out if I can actually afford to upgrade to Avon ffs :)

Get the eyebrows done and get the moisuriser going and cross my heart, those two little things will really lift you

It doesnt matter where you buy your clothes from or even if you make do with hand me downs. What makes the difference is wearing only what flatters you, fits well and is kept in as good as nick as possible - treat stains, replace buttons, de bobble jumpers , use a clothes brush, polish shoes - OMG Im turning in to my granny :)

I'd look on E5P for a few new outfits and some skincare and makeup. Sell anything you have that doesn't fit on vinted to raise some money. Local pharmacy sometimes has makeup on special offer for £1 too.

Tidying up your eyebrows makes a big difference. Use tweezers to pluck out any stray hairs from underneath and in the centre above your nose. Don't get carried away and end up over plucking, remember eyebrows are sisters not twins.

Olive oil makes a good hair mask if yours is dry, follow with whatever shampoo and conditioner you have handy. If you're buying some, the Alberto Balsam shampoos and conditioners are good, I like the green apple one for my dry hair, usually £1 each in the supermarket.

Ask a friend to cut an inch off the bottom straight across if you have split ends.

If you can't afford styling products and you know your hair will frizz without it, learn to French plait it, do it while damp and it'll go a long way to keeping it tidy.

If you don't want a wash off face cleanser, baby lotion makes a good cream cleanser. Witch hazel from the pharmacy (ask) is cheap and works as a toner to remove the last of the cleanser but may be too harsh for dry or sensitive skin.

Aloe Vera gel makes a useful gel cream on the cheap, either alone if you have oily skin or under moisturiser for dry skin, good for blemishes too. Usually cheaper than those face gel creams sold as such. Nivea soft is cheap and a good basic face moisturiser.

If you need a body scrub mix table salt with some olive oil and finish off your bath/shower with that.

Baby oil makes a useful body moisturiser and is cheap, put a little on while skin is still damp.

Definitely decide which colours suit you

Also, a good diet and exercise outdoors goes a huge way

You don't have to a look like a model to WFH, but how about skinny jeans, an oversized shirt and some brogues/ankle boots for the work week?

From what you've said I bet you have slim legs, so definitely show them off