‘Ugly’ fashion only works if you’re attractive

[WizardinTraining]

I know it’s subjective and there’s no right or wrong and we should all be comfy with ourselves etc but am I the only one that thinks the current ugly/wacky/comfy type fashions that all the Instagrammers are wearing only work because most of them are slim and attractive.

I love all the bright jumpers, clashing patterns, baggy jeans and especially the bold trainers but being short, not very slim and booby I’d look like a Playschool presenter at best and an oversized child at worst <sigh>

I’m 53, short, overweight and objectively very unattractive. I like a certain Japanese style and can sew. After years of trying to dress in flattering ‘in fashion’ stuff that ‘fits’ me I now make my own clothes from Japanese pattern books and love them even though, like me, they’re wider than they are long and are baggy and shapeless.

I know what you mean, that these tall young beautiful models can ‘get away’ with wearing ugly clothes but equally, I don’t work for a corporation so nothing happens when I wear ugly clothes except I have more fun than if I was trying to wear flattering age appropriate clothes. Surely a good thing about the insanity that is modern life is that everyone can wear what they like?

Yep totally agree. Even less wacky stuff but not everyday clothes look weird and a bit try hard on my shorter apple shaped body.

@desikated that wasn't my post but thinking that was a typo for serotonin dressing - a style of dressing for yourself, in bright pleasing colours that make you happy.

And yes, my user name is a ref to Red Dwarf! Well spotted 😎

@CryptoFascist amazing. OMMMMMM.

I totally disagree with the premise of this thread and the posts I've read so far.

I've not heard of "dopamine dressing" but totally agree with the concept. In the sense of I'm drawn to clothes and colours I like the look of. If I do they "suit me" and make me happy. I'm not interested in whether they flatter me, suit me or my colours.

I was wearing a Nobody's Child dress which has been ripped to shreds by some posters and declared unwearable by anyone who isn't tall and willowy. I'm not tall and willowy. The dress got 2 compliments.

I suppose you might say, well it was the dress which got the compliment, not me. That's fine. I don't want personal compliments, I do like compliments about my clothes.

Dopamine dressing

The thinking behind dopamine dressing is that wearing clothes you love will boost your mood

I’m 53, short, overweight and objectively very unattractive. I like a certain Japanese style and can sew. After years of trying to dress in flattering ‘in fashion’ stuff that ‘fits’ me I now make my own clothes from Japanese pattern books and love them even though, like me, they’re wider than they are long and are baggy and shapeless.

@OooScotland could you recommend a book? I also make my own clothes (and am also short and overweight) and would like to explore some Japanese patterns.

If you are tall and willowy, you can probably get away with more. However, if you know you body shape and colour, you can probably find styles that will suit you better.

Apparently

"Serotonin dressing" might refer to wearing clothes that are comfortable, soothing, and calming. These could be soft fabrics, loose-fitting garments, or colors that are often associated with relaxation, like pastel tones.

"Dopamine dressing" might refer to wearing clothes that make you feel confident, excited, and happy. This could involve bold colors, stylish and attention-grabbing outfits, or clothing items that are linked to positive memories.

Dopamine dressing makes sense for me.

I totally agree OP. I'd look like a Banardos case study if I tried to pull off the over sized granny knits and messy hair look. It's the same with the MN 'polished' look, it does absolutely nothing for short, fat me.

Yes agree, the real rebels are the averages who defiantly and unappologetically wear what society deems unflattering, that's who I look up to and feel inspired by. The ones who would look good in a sac are irrelevant because they get the pretty privilige still, in fact possibly ironically become more attractive to men in that 'im not like other girls" kind of way and 'you know i have a hot body underneath all this' so it still gets attention. The male gaze will still follow them around unless something drastic happens to their appearance.

Even in a pair of joggers and a t shirt or medical scrubs, you can still see if they have a good body underneath and will get treated better for looking better. Even in places like Saudi Arabia, men and women quickly work out how to judge and work out attractiveness despite being covered in black from head to toe. If you're hot, you're hot even in a bin bag and you continue to get better treatment.

I have a huge collection of beautiful Japanese clothes pattern books from Pomadour24 on etsy. Shipping is steep but the shop owner Megumi is a wonderful seller. Her shop is a joy to look through and delivery is super fast from Japan. If you decide to look I can tell you my favourite books although a lot of them have very similar patterns so you can’t go far wrong.

You don’t need to know Japanese as all the instructions are illustrated and although the patterns only go up to about a UK10 all you have to do is slash and spread vertically through the shoulder. I’m a UK14 and an extra 1.5 cm on each side works for me. Easy.

There are one or two overpriced ‘Japanese’ pattern books now in english but for a few reasons I won’t say here I really don’t like them so I won’t name them. They’re not at all necessary if you have a basic grasp of pattern illustrations.

@SassyTiger oh yes I agree.

And those very annoying very pretty people who laugh and say oh don't I look dreadful, oh what a mess I look while they breeze around looking fabulous (I think, knowingly). Yes this is correlated with age and weight, but some people are just very pretty / handsome regardless of age or size.

Pretty privilege is such a massive thing that isn't talked about. But quite possibly I'm just bitter as a definite ugly-o.

To be fair, having a big bum is what they want. Less so on the belly front

Thing is OP - I’ve also seen instagrammers who are petite height and late 40s doing the dopamine dressing thing- albeit with the middle aged woman fear of not going too far, least they actually look less attractive.

I find it lovely as an idea, it’s doing the “when I’m old I’ll wear purple” and saying “sod it, why wait? Why do I need to look as sexually attractive as possible now rather than look happy?”

You think people look bigger in high waisted jeans that hold the bum and belly in? Compared to hipsters that let it all spill out over the waistband?

Sorry but hipsters are massively uncomfortable if you’re bigger, and you’re so self conscious about your tummy. It’s much warmer and more comfortable to wear high waisted jeans.

It’s the huge duvet style ankle length coats for me. I get they are warm but they really look dreadful unless you’re supermodel height and build!

Thanks so much will check this out. I’ve made a lot of clothes so think I can manage without English - I’m a 16 so will need to widen them but definitely sounds like worth a go!

ETA: omg the embroidery books she has are beautiful- this is a disaster for my bank account!

The posters saying it’s unflattering are missing the point, it’s about not caring about flattering your appearance. “Flattering” is often just another way of saying “presenting myself as sexually attractive to men”, not caring if the way you look makes you be presented as a potential partner to men (even if you aren’t looking) is hard to shake.

bit like the big shoulders clothes that have now seemed to gone - it was clothing that deliberately made women take up more space, for those of us who’s formative years were the 90s and early 00s and were trained that the ideal was to take up the minimum amount of space possible, making yourself look wider seems a revolutionary act!

I remember reading a decade or go a fashion journalist state that regardless of fashion, most women’s first thought when facing new knitwear was “what will my tits look like in that?” If there’s a wave of younger women who no longer think about tit presentation when picking knits but “do I like the pattern/colour/comfort level?” I think that’s a great development.

Can someone post a picture of this look please? I’m intrigued.

It's true that trim and slim and beautiful people look better in all fashion. Most people are not instagrammers so most people look as fashionable and as gorgeous as you.

Ordinary looking people love to see ordinary looking other folk so let's all smile at each other.

Find what you look best in - colours, shapes, lengths and styles and pepper that look with just a few items that are on trend but uglifying.

The point people are missing, is the people who wear these clothes fundamentally think they look good in them. Others will agree. Others will think they look awful .

it’s not about statements of I don’t need to try to look hot or humble brags, it’s fundamentally the same as it always have been. People wearing clothes they feel is fashionable and they think they personally look good in.

it’s never ever changed, from mini skirts and winkle pickers. To long flowing hippy skirts and flares. To oversized shirts and zoot suits.

and yes, for much of it always, being young, being slim, has been key to pulling it off.

So would Prue Leith be a dopamine dresser?

Definitely. I would consider myself reasonably attractive but I look good in more fitted pretty clothing. I look like a dumpy little whale in these baggy clothes that are in fashion at the moment. It's not that flattering on curvy figures.

I agree op. I try not to judge though - each to their own is my motto for clothes/fashion. I am sure I looked a right state in my youth - certainly according to my mother, lol, but I gave no fucks then and still don’t.

It took me a very long time - most of my life in fact - to grasp that 'showing off your figure' wasn't the only way to dress, and that 'flattering' wasn't peer reviewed science.

Yeah finding out a bit about Japanese style was one of the things that helped me out of that mindset, as did the Africa Fashion exhibition at the V&A. Another big factor was sheer bloody mindedness and refusing to accept that enjoying getting dressed was only for the young, tall and thin.

Now in my 60s, I get immense pleasure out of my clothes. If some of you think they're 'wearing me' or swamping my figure then I'll live with that. And if young people are realising this sooner than I did then good for them.