Gained a lot of weight and don't know what to wear 😢

[EvenLess]

I used to live in the US, and am going back for the first time in years in February for my best friend's wedding. I have gained a huge amount of weight since I last saw most of these people, and I'm feeling really awful about myself and embarrassed 😥I cried when I tried on my bridesmaid dress... Even though it fit, I just look terrible in everything.

I promised myself I'd lose some weight before this wedding, but I lost my Dad to cancer in March and life has been really stressful over the past few years, so it just hasn't happened. I'm working on it.

I'm early 30s, a size 20-22, apple shaped, not very tall. I am so fed up of shopping at Yours and wearing black leggings and baggy jumpers and nothing else. If anyone has any ideas of other shops to try/clothes I could take with me for days running errands leading up to the wedding, or for evenings out I'd appreciate it. I know clothes can't work miracles but it might take some of the dread out if this trip if I can look a bit presentable.

M&S might be worth a try? I've put on weight over the last few years and have bought lots of things there. They have a good mix of comfort, fashion and classic. And it's easy to try them on in person :)
I wear a lot of v-necks and shirt dresses that are quite plain but go loud on accessories / jewellery/shoes /trainers /lipstick which make me feel current and fashionable.
I've found over the years that having body changes and carrying extra weight, I'm in the majority, so please don't focus on this.
Treat yourself to a nice hairstyle and nails for confidence :)

New Look
Next carry a range of brands on their website
Mango have a plus size range
H and M

Things happen in life @EvenLess please be kind to yourself.

Skims

You can pre-browse in Selfridges but you’ll have access to the whole range once you’re in the US. Their lounge wear and dresses look amazing on women over size 20.

Invest in good shapewear, uncomfortable at first but you will get used to and it makes so much difference. Might be best to go to a large department store where they will have a good selection you can try?

What’s your budget? Aligne have some really cool and flattering dresses that go up to size 22.

I hope you enjoy your trip, everyone will be so pleased to see you I’m sure xxxx

Thank you for all the suggestions, some more options to try. I bought some shapewear last night but it doesn't do much for my big apron belly 😞 I know the bride loves me for me and won't care what I look like, as long as I am there.

This is a bit of an kick up the arse for me because I'm only relatively young, I don't want to spend any more time hiding from every picture with my little DD because I hate the way I look.

I wouldn’t dream of giving dietary advice but I highly recommend Ultra processed people as a kick start to more conscious food shopping and eating.

When is the wedding? You sound so unhappy about how you look and you are being very hard on yourself.

You are right in that you are very young still and I would hate for you to resign to looking a way you are unhappy with at 30. I think that rather than buying a bunch of clothes that you aren’t happy with you should invest in your mind instead. There is a deeper reason why you have gained a lot of weight so start from the inside and work your way out.

if the wedding is just a couple of weeks away then yes, you probably should buy a few items that you think look nice, but if you have a few months then focus on your wellbeing instead and you will reach a point where you are both kinder to and more proud of yourself. Your size is a symptom of something and it shouldn’t be ignored, much like we don’t ignore other symptoms of being unwell.

Did you actually read the OP, @RoachFish? Even the first two lines??

Sorry @SurpriseSparDay completely missed that it said February. I even went back to check and missed it a second time😳

Do you have Instagram? If so look at Laura Adlington (she was on bake off a couple of years ago). I think she is a size 22, she mostly does posts showing what she's wearing and what looks good - often links to things currently in fatface, next etc.

But she sets out the life disruptions that will have affected her weight perfectly clearly. No amount of investing in her mind will change the fact that she’s lost a parent and had a child, on top of probably still feeling a bit displaced in terms of location. She knows all that already.

Laura Adlington always looks really nice, have a look at her Instagram for some inspiration and treat yourself to a few nice new bits that will give you confidence. She wears lots of dresses which you could wear with tights/boots and a nice jacket if its cold where you're going.

I'm sorry you've had a rough time and aren't feeling great about yourself but if you can, try and put it 'on hold' while you're on holiday over there. There's nothing you can do about it now so if you can find some nice bits that you feel comfortable in, do your hair and makeup nice and just try to be present and enjoy seeing your best friend and enjoying your holiday you can tackle everything else one step at a time when you get back (easier said than done, I know).

I'll probably get flamed for saying this but unless its a Hollywood wedding I'm absolutely sure there will be much bigger people than you over there so try not to overthink it!!