Why and how do some women look so elegant?!

[RaccoonOnTheSofa]

I see women who are in their 30s+ with small children who look elegant and put together. So why am I a constant mess? Why does my mascara always gather under my eyes? Why does my hair always go out of place five minutes after I leave the house? Why are my clothes always covered in something? How do these women do it?!?

If you're wearing mascara when you have small kids you're doing way better than me!!
But seriously, I wonder this too

I looked a hot mess with young kids, but being slightly older then a couple of things help.

Actual real life time to do hair and make up. mine takes five minutes for both but it’s hard to get that with young kids.

Hair spray! spray it on your brush and then brush through your hair. looks sleeker.

Well fitting clothes that suit you. Get your colours done (colour my stylish on IG charges about £35) it’sa revelation. Don’t have to spend much, Vinted can be great.

A decent coat and bag, not the scraggy sensible mum stuff.

Yes. I look like a potato.

They will be thin and their clothes will hang on them like they do on the mannequin.

There's days I look a scruffy mess but always do my hair and makeup. If I want to make an extra effort I will get up (45mins-1hr) before both my boys (baby and toddler) are awake so I can get showered, get a massive coffee and sit and enjoy styling my hair and putting make up on! It's relaxing to just have that time to myself - and then I'm one step ahead because I'm ready to go bar a change into an outfit.

Firstly, are you sure you want to look elegant at the moment? If you're not going to work and you like being in comfy clothes then you don't have to aspire to be elegant if you don't fancy what it takes to be that.

I worked full time when my children were young and had to dress very smartly for work. I had to be super organised and at weekends I'd get all the week's clothes hanging up clean and pressed for us. I had an easy hairstyle that just required a brush through. I showered at night to save the morning rush. I'd put my make-up on in the kitchen while the kids were eating breakfast. I'd have an apron on until just before leaving the house. It's possible to looked groomed at this stage of your life but the price to pay is you have to be well prepared so mornings aren't chaotic. Don't beat yourself up if you prefer a different way of living.

Im far from elegant but I have small children. I NEVER wear the clothes I'm going out in , in the house . I've done that and ended up filthy. I either wear my comfie til it's time to leave or I put my dressing gown on top.

Have a low maintenance hairstyle.

Can you share the insta handle for the colour evaluator?

Oh pullleeeassseeeee....

I think they're on some kind of drug that makes them not attend to normal life events so they float about in an ethereal manner

I think good, thick hair helps a lot and being a healthy weight.

I am 5’, weigh 8.5, have a face like a benign hobbit and thin, fine, dry hair. No matter what I do I have never been able to look elegant. I’m now in my 60s and have accepted I am not going to achieve elegance and just do the best with what I have and enjoy the clothes that suit me most. I’ve done the whole looking after my nails, wearing subtle make-up, simple nicely fitting, classic clothes, simple jewellery etc. I’ve seen women my height, build and age that absolutely look elegant. I’ve taken note, I’ve read threads on here about it but it seems to be beyond me.

Bring rich
being thin

I don’t think this is necessarily it. There is a school mum who walks past my house every day and I wouldn’t say she was ‘thin’ or rich, but she looks so effortlessly cool and stylish in everything she has on. I peep at her out my window as she stops on the corner every day to talk to her friend and she just looks so put together. I guess knowing her own style so well is what works.

Masses of layered All Saints type clothes and hair in messy bun on top - pinky lipstick and mascara

There's a crowd of 30 somethings who look like the above near me and even the non skinny ones look great

One I saw the other day had a thigh length cream thick polo neck on plus a midi blanket cardigan AND a grey leather jacket on the top - sounds a mess but looked great

Can you share exact Insta handle for colour my stylish please I can’t find it

I think it's this one : https://www.instagram.com/emilyinnesstylist?igsh=MW0wMHIzOGt6d3RjaA==

Tubing mascara would sort that bit out, no advice on the rest sorry. I look like a bag of laundry.

I will guess some kind of help so they have time for themselves, whether that's from a more hands-on partner, friends, family or paid help. Having the extra time is what makes the difference (and enough sleep!). There are the occasional women who get up 2 hours earlier to w/o and groom too.

I think styling yourself and not just throwing clothes on. So jeans and a jumper can be elevated with a belt, earrings and necklace, making sure the clothes you wear fit well. In winter layering with a smart over coat, big chunky scarf.
Hair swept back if it tends to fly away.
Good posture helps a lot.
I agree with the colour analysis and being organised. Prep your outfits in a Sunday night when you have time to think about the outfits.
Also keeping make up simple and clean. A bit of powder/ nude eyeshadow under your bottom lashes stops the mascara running

I don't think short people can be elegant. I'd love to be proved wrong as I'm 5ft 3. But I've never seen one. It must be length of gait or something. Shorter people can be stylish but not elegant in that drapey effortless wafty Liv Tyler or Nicole Kidman way.

My sister is your height and is exceptionally elegant!

I think it's more about proportions than height, she's very well-proportioned, if you looked at separate photographs of us you'd probably think we were the same height, but I'm six inches taller and a size 10, she's a size 6, when we're photographed together, I look like a giant!

And we both use seamstresses to get our clothes tailored so they fit our particular heights and proportions.

The PP who said being thin and having money helps. It isn’t just that but having money means you can afford regular hair styling, tweakments and decently made clothing. If you’re thin they sit better. Yes chubby poor people can look stylish but it’s much rarer and harder to achieve that.

I say that as a fairly poor chubby woman by the way ^

I think some people just have the elegance gene. A friend of mine could wear old leggings and a baggy top and look elegant. I can put a lot of effort in and still feel that I look like a sack of potatoes. I think having well behaved hair helps a bit. I have troublesome wavy hair. It can look great on a good day, but more often than not, it’s playing up. I don’t have the option to run a brush through it as it’s so frizz prone.

Very much empathise with the mascara troubles! I also find that my mascara is around my eyes in minutes. I’m going to invest in a tubing mascara. I also seem to be a lint magnet and never see anyone else with the same problem.