Bra for older women with gg/hcup

[Forgoodnesssakejustletme]

We are really struggling to find comfortable bras for my mum. She is 82 with a large bust and tissue is very soft now. She prefers an underwire to keep her breasts separated and to prevent her slipping through the band of the bra. She finds them really uncomfortable though. Mum also has a curvature of her spine now which has kind of widened her back measurement. I'm looking for oecific recommendations from women of her age group as it is difficult to appreciate the challenges of softening breast tissue! Mum is probably a 38gg/h cup but wears all sorts of random sizes in her quest to find something comfortable. Can anyone help?

Firstly get her measured properly (not M&S). A properly fitting bra is going to be more comfortable . I find Curvy Kate fits me well ( GG)

Has she tried Flexifit from M and S, soft cup but very comfortable and supportive?

Elomi or Fantasie are brands that do that cup size and are comfortable if fitted properly. I am large of norkage and wear them all the time.

Try somewhere like Bravissimo John Lewis or an independent retailer. (I'm near Bristol and I'm lucky enough to have all 3 within half an hours drive).

Has she tried the Tango bra from Panache? Most comfortable bra I've ever worn (size 40HH)

Your mum definitely needs to make sure she is professionally measured so the sizing is accurate.
I have always worn underwire bras until I discovered this one in a lingerie store. Now I have it in many colors and it's my go-to, so comfortable with a truly good level of support.

Chantelle have a large selection for those with a bigger bust and probably make it in her size or something very similar.
www.amazon.co.uk/Chantelle-Womens-Magnifique-Wirefree-Coverage/dp/B081BQKGXJ

@GettingStuffed she has been measured at the wacoal bra factory however the issue seems to be with the softness of her breast tissue. The "oomph" has gone and the tightness of the band required to keep her in place causes her pain to wear all day.

Curvy Late do good large size bralettes.
I had a smoothing nursing bra from Elomi which had kind of softer underwires so you could try that one? Came up to a J cup.
I would also try Bravissimo customer service for recommendations.

Would it be worth exploring maternity ranges? They're designed to be soft around the ribcage and gentle on tender boobs, but also offer support? Might be worth a try?

I was going to suggest this. Also if she is slipping through the band, then the band size is too big. She is probably not a 38 band size at all any more. I bought my own Mum a range of things to try at this age, in your place I would get your Mum a few bras in one or two band sizes smaller, remember to go up one cup size with each drop in band. If you buy something like the flexifit then the cup size is also slightly more flexible, as wires obviously don’t allow for any slight spillage. She might do well with something like the Triumph Doreen, which is a sturdy old fashioned bra but actually a great and supportive shape with no wires. My friend wore it during pregnancy, and it was very comfortable apparently. It annoyingly doesn’t come in my size as it is a really good bra.
My MIl is 89 and around a 34/36 G. She wears Fantasie mainly, wired full cup bras, your Mum could get measured for these in Bravissimo.

I wear these- they have wired and non wired versions. Both are very comfortable. I’m 38 G

The solution may not be a perfectly fitting bra, but a bra that she can manage alone.

My dm has similar problems. She said that the bra Fenwicks fitted her with was a disaster, so I took her to Bravissimo and sat in on the fitting. The bra they settled on fitted perfectly and she wore it in comfort for the rest of the day. The next day it was agony again. It was the exact same bra in the exact same size as from Fenwicks.

Turns out that dm's problem is that she cannot put it on properly without help. If she puts her arms in and someone does the bra up behind her, everything is in the right place and she can manage the 'scoop' herself. But when she puts the bra on by herself she has to do it up around her waist, twist it around and then hoik up by putting her arms through the straps. Like OP's dm, her flesh is very soft and loose. So she ends up pulling a lot of back and side into the bra and does not have the flexibility and dexterity to rearrange herself.

Unfortunately we have not found the perfect bra, only compromises. One of which is to sew back extenders into place on the hooks so that Mum gets support without yanking her back and side flesh upwards.

@Aparecium I think you understand me when i say about changing tissue. It's hard to describe how soft everything gets as you age until you have seen it. Mum has been fitted by wacoal (which is the bra factory for elomie, fantasy etc - everything bravissimo stocks) and also at bravissimo. The correct size is comfortable initially but then agony the next day. She has this spine curvature and fibromyalgia which doesn't help. She then goes rogue and buys a larger band size and then can't stay in the cup. @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor i have the flexibility which I think you recommended to me last year! I love it but mum feels it wouldn't give her proper separation. (I think it would be better than the bras she struggles with but she is having none if it 😄. @SirVixofVixHall I think the doreen might be worth a try but mum is still vain enough to say oh it's too matronly! I get what she means but to me, comfort is preferable. @Blacknailer I'll have a look for this one - thank you.

Exactly what I came here to say, Curvy Kate are excellent! They used to do an online fitting service which doesn’t seem to be available at the moment but I’ve had the best fitting & bras ever from them.

Sounds like your mum has the same problem as mine. I bet that when she is being fitted they help her into the bra, doing lots of little adjustments that she cannot do by herself. The fitters need to find her a bra that she can put on by herself, but the one that has the perfect fit when they adjust it for her.

Your mum is probably completely unaware that she does not do all the little tweaks that the fitters do. I had to stop and think while dressing just now. Put my bra on mindfully, rather than automatically. The last thing I do is run my thumbs under the back strap. If you'd asked me how I put my bra on, I would not have mentioned it. My mum can't do that, but the fitters do it when fitting a bra.

The fitters need to find her a bra that she can put on by herself, NOT the one that has the perfect fit when they adjust it for her.

(Oh, for an edit button in the app.)

Front fastening ?

Tell your Mum that a lot of young glamour pusses I know wear the Doreen ! It definitely has a cute retro charm. There is a lace version that is less sturdy looking, if that helps.
It is hard to get separation from a soft bra, but if she has to wear a loose band for comfort with her underwires, then she is losing the structure and support anyway. Also the wires will move around and dig in to soft tissue. I wonder if she might actually find a bralette designed for a full cup more comfortable overall. Cosabella do them, and the ones with a slightly longer line spread the band pressure over a wider area. Marks and Sparks did a cheaper version of the Cosabella one , I will go and look to see if they still do them.

I also have the Curvy Kate unwind bralette which is a crossover design and therefore has good separation.

I'm a GG cup with extremely droopy squishy boobs. I agree with PPs that it's likely she isn't scooping into the cups properly, maybe because of restricted mobility. That and incorrect sizing would explain the falling under the band.

People always recommend the Doreen but it only goes up to a G.

Front fastening bras are easier to put on, but I find it impossible to do up the hooks on the front without pinching the skin a few times. This is one of the problems with having very soft breast tissue. I really miss having firm boobs!

The best (ie least uncomfortable) conventional bra I've had recently is the M&S flexifit. But as with all bras you have to scoop firmly and adjust the band all the way round.

Has she tried sports bras? I have Pour Moi and Freya Active underwired ones and they are very supportive. I also have M&S non-wired sports bras, which don't hoick the saggy boobs up so well but are much more comfortable. I wear them round the house and to pop to the shops in baggy clothes.