How to visually appear less of a pushover/ more assertive

[Howdoichangeanamehere]

As the title says. Not sure whether this topic belongs in S&B or Work, and I feel a bit stupid asking this, but here we go.

It appears, I have a bit of a problem of looking too "young" for my age (if you don't come up real close anyway lol) and "too nice" (i.e. like a pushover) that has caused issues with new clients and new hires questioning my professional abilities or constantly trying to make me do their work because they see me as their junior despite me actually being older/more senior. Other people have also pointed this out so it's not just my imagination. I am a confident person despite the way I look but this confidence does not properly project outward apparently and I feel the need to work on that.
I'm currently in the process of changing jobs and I want to appear a bit more my age and professional/mature at the new workplace (I am working on the assertive behavior part - watched countless guides and it turns out I'm actually doing most of these, just maybe I don't really "look the part" as one of my friends has pointed to), and so far I've come up with the following ideas:

• Power poses, trying to take up more physical space (put your hands on the table, not on your knees!);
• Smile less;
• Wear less dresses/skirts/blouses with flower prints/pink colour/feminine stuff, more power suits and trousers, more navy and grey (black washes me out);
• Red lipstick (read somewhere that it helps to look more bold);
• Try to speak more loudly (my voice is naturally very quiet and high);
• Saw someone recommend "Nice girls don't get the corner office" book and planning to read that.

What else can be added to the list?
What kind of people look assertive to you?

Lower the pitch of your voice so it is deeper (Mrs Thatcher had training in this) and lower your chin when talking to others. The chin raising thing is an expression of vulnerability (we expose our necks to a ‘superior’ or stronger person as a sign of submission and a ‘please don’t kill and eat me’ thing) and makes people see you as not authoritative, apparently.

I hate them but first: wear a blazer.
I had some coaching on dressing for authority, it involves having more "pieces" to your look i.e. a watch, visible/strong jewellery (not necesaraily a big plastic statement necklace), element of contrast in colours, shirt with collar rather than T shirt, glasses/hair with a definite style. My low key cardigan wearing approach wasn't working. It can be done in a modern, relevant way , you don't have to dress as a newsreader.

Some people just have natural authority in their colouring, looks or style but those of us who have a young, approachable look need a boost.

If you have the money, House of Colour cover this in their style/colour consultations. For example if navy/black wash you out, you may need dark brown or burgundy or charcoal grey as your "serious" colour. If you have quite a feminine style you can still show this in accesories, prints etc but in a framework of more serious clothes. You have to be authentic and comfortable or you will feel odd and have even less authority.

This is really helpful, thank you so much @NotMeNoNo and @DrNo007

I also had this problem.
On reflection, I think trying to nip some of this stuff in the bud helps. So when you meet a new grad, make damn sure they know you've been around a few years, your role and that you are their senior. I wouldn't be laughing off being asked to do junior tasks - think attack not defence. If someone asks when you graduated something like "gosh, ten years ago, how about yourself?" So they realise how bloody inappropriate!

Definitely smile as little as possible and take your time talking, don't rush, make people listen to you. Try to refer to your years of experience as much as possible.

Good luck, it's a nightmare. And then you have kids, if you're me, and it starts all over again...

@PangramAddict it makes life harder, doesn't it. People will always judge by the looks first and foremost unfortunately.
Thank you for the advice

One trick I used to use - I had a very similar problem - was when I was walking about the office I would look beyond people rather than at them - it makes you look more focused (and therefore less like someone who'll get called over to do the photocopying). Its an easy one to practice on a busy pavement - if there's a group of people coming towards you stand tall and look beyond them - they'll usually single file or squeeze up rather that expecting you to move.

On appearance - get a good suit in navy with both a skirt and trouser options. Make sure it fits you well (over large suits give a "little girl in mummy's clothes" vibe and too tight is never a good look). Then buy a red jacket in a different style to the navy one that you can wear with either the skirt or trousers from the navy suit. Take the navy jacket shopping with you and experiment with different coloured tops and blouses underneath -does pale green look better on you than pale blue etc - even if you can't afford to buy new tops at the moment. THen you can wear a white top under the navy suit with a scarf in a colour that works for you. Longer scarves worn under an unbuttoned jacket look more professional than short ones for some reason.

Finally buy some claw clips and wear your hair up at all times (and ideally learn a few more updos) - think of how professional an air hostess looks (someone who always has to wear their hair up).

Really enjoying this thread, my contribution is eye contact. My role means I'm involved in many meetings which require me to challenge those in authority. My buddy was an ex police officer and I learnt so much from how she applied herself during meetings, calm but spoke with direct questioning. Her eye contact commanded attention.

I can put on the act but still struggle with resilience and taking things personally, I'm still working on this.

Long sleeves, and don't push them up.

Exposing your arms makes you look younger/more vulnerable/less serious.

Bit of a random piece of advice, but might be useful!

Extra Petite has a whole thing on her blog about dressing more mature when you look super young but it’s for casual -
https://www.extrapetite.com/2010/05/reader-request-how-to-look-older-in.html

Following, great advice on this thread!

Great thread!

Thank you everyone for the ideas, keep them coming! If anyone can add anything on the behavior advice part (like one PP did with examples of what they find "too young" behavior from their coworker), I would really appreciate it.

I had an online meeting with a client yesterday and after I finished speaking my part, I made sure I put a serious expression on my face as opposed to Mona Lisa's half smile that I usually do. After listening and nodding for some time, I decided to look at how well my serious expression was looking on the video - well, have you ever seen a confused and slightly concerned puppy? That's what my face expression was. I think I need to practice a bit in front of the mirror...

I have also noticed that I look even younger on camera - maybe it's the light, maybe it's that camera makes your makeup look more subtle (I remember PPs suggesting not putting any makeup on to appear older - I'm afraid it's having the opposite effect on me).
But I have figured out two more things I could change:

1. eyebrows, I totally forgot about them! My eyebrows are naturally straight and this shape supposedly makes you look more innocent and youthful as opposed to arched eyebrows. My eyebrows are basically colourless so it's very easy to change their shape with a bit of brown eyeshadow so I'm gonna try making a more arched shape from now on;

2. darker lipstick - I have found a dark red lipstick I purchased last autumn, put it on and it immediately made me look older. Colour is like the one the girl on the photo is wearing, not too dark, but still an "ageing" shade sort of.

I've also seen some fresh post in AIBU complaining about being harassed at a new job because of being baby-faced. Sigh. I really need to work on myself while I still have time before my new job starts!

I am the shortest, blondest, petite woman with a high voice and always liked very young for my age until recently.

Clothes and hair make a little difference to how seriously people take me but I refuse to conform to a male idea of what makes someone worthy of respect. My voice is my voice and anyone who doesn’t like it can fuck off. I am taken very seriously at work because I expect to be taken very seriously and pull up anyone who doesn’t. Always. A look, a word, a line in an email can achieve a lot. And my male colleagues have zero concerns about interrupting, so neither do I. OP - believe in yourself and assert yourself.

OP I think you just want a neutral face on online calls, I don’t think trying to force an expression works.

I have the opposite problem. I spend all my time trying to remember to smile and laugh and undercut my statements so I don't get the dreaded "abrasive" or "bossy" notes.

I 100% know this is because I'm a woman because I also have a non-gendered professional name and when people only know me through that they think (and say) I am warm and clear-thinking; when they know me through my given name, they think I am cold and dictatorial. But I'm always me!

Overall it's because I say clearly what I think, in a factual manner without much faff, and I'm unperturbed by disagreement. I'm interested in, and unthreatened by, the ideas of others. I don't think it's got much to do with blazers, honestly.