Don’t know how to dress anymore. Please help.

[CopperLion]

I have no idea how to dress anymore. I had a hard time during the pandemic, but now that I am in a better place and want to get back out there I have lost all confidence in how I look or how to dress. I am also now early 40s which seemed to happen in a flash! Can any S&B-ers help with ideas?

I am a tall (5’11) hourglass but currently overweight by about 2 stone. I like my upper body but carry the extra weight on my lower half, a bit like an overweight Kelly Brook shape only it looks way better on her! I don’t like my big thighs at all. I have blue eyes and red hair, so am a ‘warm spring’ if you are into colour analysis stuff.

I mainly wfh but go into London or travel to meet clients a few times a month. I am also restoring my social life after a hard few years and need things to wear for an evening out and also casual things. I find casual the hardest because I don’t look good in jeans (thighs).

I also feel totally out of touch with fashion now. I like to look classic and stylish and to wear natural fabrics. I am always fascinated by the threads on here that talk about looking polished, elegant, ‘expensive’, etc., but don’t always pull it off! I have a decent budget (Jigsaw type prices) but would prefer to spend on fewer good quality things than lots of cheaper items.

Can anyone recommend any ideas or brands? Especially for chic office wear. I have no idea how people dress at work anymore and seem to keep getting it wrong!

I struggle with this too! Have lost my style a bit post kids and post Covid.

I am dealing with it by:

Going to Jigsaw, Reiss, Hobbs, Whistles, Sezane and the like and looking at the outfits in the window. Sometimes I just buy a full "styled" outfit.

I was using Stitch Fix until it went bust, I'm about to start Lookieroo.

Trying to find influencers on Instagram that I like, although invariably I get irritated with the "gifted" posts and unfollow them again.

In general for work I am trying to update the sorts of shapes/silhouettes I wear. So chunkier soles and heels than I used to have, wider leg trousers etc.

If you really have the budget I would recommend The Fold as well. The quality is superb. I've also heard good things about Me + Em.

Thanks @evryevrytime! Would you say that professional wear has become more relaxed? I am drawn to wide trousers and chunkier shoes whereas I used to (pre-wfh) wear a lot of pencil skirts and pointed ballet flats. These somehow seem dated now, plus I am no longer based in one office and need to walk more so they feel quite impractical.

I think a high-waisted, wide leg trousers and top silhouette would really suit you from what you’ve described. There are so many styles of wide-leg trousers from tailored to a more relaxed style- so they will work for work and other situations. COS do excellent basic, good-quality tops. Fitted body style tops (look for double layered ones) are great for evening wear. I think a silk midi skirt and jumper combo could work well for you- can wear with heels, boots or trainers.

Inspo pics from Pinterest. Hope the links work.

https://pin.it/7cE2OY0

https://pin.it/VMbXTnK

https://pin.it/23D4zoV

https://pin.it/7wvVnu8

https://pin.it/3FjEOHB

https://pin.it/1bDXL0z

https://pin.it/4qCmlDo

https://pin.it/63fvynn

Why not tackle one scenario at a time ( work or casual) so that you don’t feel overwhelmed? I’d suggest booking in for a styling appointment at John Lewis ( free!) and getting their advice. I went recently and tried on jeans and was pleasantly surprised what suited me. You can book online, outline your budget and they will bring you options and there is no pressure to buy.

Thanks @PomPomSparkleCat I like the focus on silhouette and the wide trousers/fitted top advice is good. I also like the links for inspiration! I don’t need actual plus size brands though because my dress size is 14 so ‘normal’ brands are fine unless they run small (looking at you, Zara trousers).

For some reason midi skirts look awful on me. I wish they didn’t because they are lovely on others! I can only wear fitted skirts that hit the knee (hence past love of pencil shape).

@Britpopbaby yes, one scenario at a time would be sensible as I am feeling overwhelmed!

The JL stylist is a good idea if no pressure to buy. I had assumed something like that would be an awkward exchange where I feel
under pressure so good to hear you had a positive experience. Did they recommend any good brands for you?

I am the same shape as you but shorter.

For jeans, I wear bootcut jeans with a heel. They're the most flattering. For more casual looks, I tend to wear wide leg trousers and fitted tops. I wear them with Vans. i love the cargo/combat type trousers.

In the office I wear dresses. Anything with a fit and flare shape skirt works. I also have the same issue with skirt length, anything midi is horrible. It needs to be on or above the knee for me (but I do have short legs!).

Unfortunately my budget is lower end and most of my clothes are petite from places like Next and New Look. So not sure I can recommend any actual items for you!

Thanks @Xmaspenguin it sounds like wide leg trousers and flats is the way to go for casual. This only leaves the question of what to do with all my lovely long boots!

I think the midi thing has to do with being an hourglass. It seems to me that clothes need to fit/hit in the narrowest places otherwise a person just looks wide all the way down, iyswim?

Another vote for The Fold. I have a similar dilemma (with added perimenopausal shape change) and the investment of a couple of dresses from The Fold has pretty much given me a work wardrobe that works for the two days a week I need to look presentable. I love this dress: https://thefoldlondon.com/product/adeline-midi-dress-navy-stretch-ponte/

I also agree with just going into shops and trying on put-together outfits. A big John Lewis would have lots of different concessions. Or somewhere like Canary Wharf/Westfield with loads of workwear brand shops. I buy much less online nowadays. Taking the time to find fewer, perfect clothes in a shop rather than have ‘it’ll do’s’ posted through the letterbox has really worked for me.

Maybe a longer maxi/midi pencil skirt for a more modern look?

Sounds like you’re a simile body shape/size to me. I love in wide leg trouser styles and fitted tops!

I think just starting with one outfit at a time and really nailing each one is a good idea.

I think the suggestion of wide leg trousers is a good one. I’d also look at pairing them with a waistcoat and silk blouse.

Don’t abandon your boots. I wear mine under wide leg trousers.

Your figure is probably popular right now. I saw lots of girls wearing long straight figure hugging skirts with matching crops. If crop tops aren't your thing then maybe a standard nice t shirt.
Slightly A line leather skirts with a nice top?
To hide the thighs. There are so many flattering dresses in so many shapes.
posh jogger style trousers to hide your thighs with a v neck as they are really popular this year.

I'm not going to try and advise on workwear as I'm retired now, and I'm not interested in how to dress for your shape any more either. But what stood out for me in your op was the bit about losing confidence. It's a common feeling but a debilitating one, and it can diminish your whole life, not just your wardrobe. I sympathise. I also think that sometimes you need to take active steps to reclaim it.

So with that in mind, my advice is to start with two outfits. I'm not going to say what type (although I'm a wide leg trousers fan) just something you feel good and at ease in, and that you'll wear a lot for either work or leisure or both. But I'd also pick a second one that you really like but that feels a bit more 'out there'. I don't mean outrageous, just slightly out of your comfort zone. You may only wear it at home to begin with but then to the supermarket, then the coffee shop, then the pub and so on until you're used to it.

As for brands, you say Jigsaw is within your budget so I'd be inclined to push that to the occasional buy at the next level. Again I'm getting out of touch with stylish designers for workwear but I'm thinking along the lines of Max Mara and Joseph. Not your whole wardrobe, just a few things. Sales or second hand if it feels too big a leap.

Oh and please, please don't get rid of those long boots, even if you're not wearing them at the moment, you might want to again at some point, and it could cost hundreds to replace them.

That Adeline dress from the Fold is absolutely gorgeous @LaChienneDesFromages . It's got that "French" look - something I can never define but you know it when you see it

Um....I'm sort of the same as you, but short

a lot of these seem to emphasise a bigger lower body. It's not what I'd go for.

I would never wear a wide leg, but I think the current fashions love my big bum.

I'd say always cover the area with a drape but clearly my likings are very out of date now. I'd rather look wide all the way down than be milk bottle.

You don’t say what type of work you do but a lot of industries have become more casual post pandemic and you can actually look overdressed and old fashioned quite easily. I think even where there are clients to be seen, they may not be expecting the slick suits of old.

I think versatility is key these days, you don’t want expensive things sitting in your wardrobe and got out once a week or month, you want things, like wide leg trousers or a soft blazer, that can be worn in multiple different settings, and to really think about what you spend most of your time doing.

I end up wearing smarter clothes than I need to when wfh as that’s what I have. I don’t mind as I’ve always made sure my clothes are comfortable and I suit and feel right in a more classic look but really if you evaluated what I wear v my lifestyle you’d probably have a lot more casual, lounges type stuff. I also probably have too many clothes, of a similar type, for all the wfh I do as you just don’t seem to get them as sweaty and dirty.

I agree with @Floisme , I don’t have much by MaxMara but do have bits from Joseph and they’re such classics and fit and suit me well.

Maybe look in Autograph (M&S) too. I find Jigsaw a bit hit and miss for me, some nice pieces but not all.

I love the skirt and top look that @PomPomSparkleCat posted but I’d say to try a few of these outfits on, don’t just go for the first one or let a salesperson influence you.

You don't say what size you are? That will affect suggestions eg Jigsaw only go up to 16 I think.

@whiteshutters I’m 5’11 and usually a size 14, sometimes 16 in trousers.

I love MaxMara and have a lovely coat from there. I tried a few bits from Joseph from The Outnet and love them but have found the quality is terrible.

@TheOGCCL this is exactly the kind of advice I am looking for. I work in consulting and my clients are typically exec leaders and their teams, but degree of formality can vary across industries I find. I need more flexibility for that reason but what I can’t tell is whether the whole world has become more casual. I think it has.

I think some of Joseph’s quality has gone down in recent years which is a shame. Mine are older purchases.

Long boots seem to be quite in this year, I'm wearing a pair with a shorter (above knee length) dress and feel just fine (caveat, I'm early fifties and so not in with the young ones). Long princess type coat on the top, lots of the young ones are wearing those and they are very flattering for a pear-shape with a smaller waist.

I don't button the coat up though, just wear it casually. I bought a 'vintage' wool one off Vinted and it's amazing quality, linings were great back in the day. So it's still 'slouchy' structured if that makes sense!

I am 50s, so older, but also tall and wide hipped (6ft, size 14) and have these trousers in black

love them!

https://www.anthropologie.com/en-gb/shop/the-avery-pleated-wide-leg-trousers-by-maeve-pinstripe-edition?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=004&searchparams=q%3Dwide%2520leg%26sayt%3Dtrue&type=REGULAR&quantity=1